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NYC trip

Apr. 22nd, 2018 | 05:56 pm

 I crashed before ten o’clock on Friday night taking my pill early. I had a little trouble sleeping due to a lack of motivation. Ugh woke up a few times till around six o’clock alarm clock time is when I woke up and started my day. Ugh.

I showered last night around nine o’clock. The neighbors didn’t bang in response to me showering. Yay for that! I find if I shower too early or too late the neighbors bang. Ugh.

Also I wore a pair of pink pants with my ski sweater including a top that had ripped edges into it peeking out of my v-neck. Maureen was critical of my inner top peeking out. Darn it to that I was warm but looked nasty. Ugh.

Anyway I watched NBC news till seven o’clock is when Eddie arrived and drove me to Greenwoods for bus stop taking. The bus and Maureen were already there. Yay! Also we got onto the bus sitting where Maureen wanted to sit near the front. A staff member had us change seats because of him needing to sit there. Ugh oh well.

I text emailed mom “Its Beth its 730a I’m on the way to NYC by bus. Hopefully catch you later.”

Mom said “Enjoy sweetie love you mom.”

I said towards dad “Hi dad on the way to NYC by bus. Hopefully catch you later on flip side.”

Dad said in response “Have a good trip.”

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Books and writing going.

Mar. 12th, 2018 | 07:53 pm

  I read and finished my magazine on soap operas. Yay! Good for me for finishing that magazine. I’m caught up with soap operas magazines. I’m still behind on some magazine subscriptions. Ugh but I’m hoping I can read what I can get to read today even if it’s a magazine.

Anyway after I finished a magazine I’m just wondering what to read next besides some books on Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer. Ugh I’ve got one that’s I’m eyeing or dying to read but all I’ve got is the hardcover version and not the desired paperback version. 

Ugh hate it when’s my mood for books I’m dying to read hits. I can’t do anything involving that mood but whine to whoever involving it. Ugh again.

This mood of mine sucks big time when’s I’m broke and dying for a book but don’t have the money for it from buying too much junk online. Like I was buying junk off eBay than anywhere else. Ugh sucks big time to being broke! 

I started a book “A Court of Mist and Fury” by Sarah J. Maas. I wound up reading that book for like two hours one evening reading till I reached the two hundredths pages in that book. Ugh thanks to my binge reading I’m not keen on reading more of that book.

I’m not entirely sure of what’s the voice’s blaring talk involving that book’s subject matter involving a character in that book being someone else than thought of. Ugh I don’t get it at all. The voice can be weird anyway.

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books and my mood

Feb. 17th, 2018 | 12:36 pm

I must be depressed because books aren’t interesting to me. I noticed I seemed more interested into already read books than books I haven’t read. Ugh.

Ugh even worse is Maureen is critical of my reading habits. She wants me to focus onto new to me books that aren’t read like unread books. Ugh jeez Maureen! Maureen’s attitude annoys me big time when’s that’s ruining my mood for books despite wanting to read something already read but can’t. 

I haven’t been able to read much in the book department despite setting aside some books I haven’t read I might want to read later. Problem is I can’t seem to make myself read those set aside books I want to read later. Ugh. 

I haven’t really finished a book in awhile or bothered to finish some unread books either. Ugh. I’m just not entirely sure of why’s I can’t seem to finish some books. I guess that’s me and my depression mood or something else.

I do hope that depression involving books isn’t a result of me reacting towards Maureen’s order of reading unread books and not already read books. I’m just wondering if that’s ruining my mood to read and finish some books I started I can’t seem to finish. Ugh.

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Sick and Anxious

Jan. 15th, 2018 | 07:35 pm

I do mind holidays on Mondays because that means the weekend gets extended for another damn day. Hence college is closed for that holiday leaving me stuck inside bored to tears. Ugh also Maureen isn’t working that holiday hence no social times with her.

I admit it I’m a pest when it’s comes to texts emails and phones. I’m always pestering people with texts like to dad. I’m always pestering people with emails like to Maureen and Janet. This phoning includes pestering mom with a phone call too. 

Ugh again to being a pest with wanting to talk to someone and sometimes not always getting a person to talk to. Ugh hence my pesky behavior. Ugh I suck big time with that behavior. Oh well.

Last night was terrible big time. I wound up sick in the bathroom with number two and the voice going off scaring me. Mom made matters worse by texting me around five thirty which I tried to tolerate the attack of voice talking to her via typewriter phone. 

The paranoia was off the charts plus I was too nervous to concentrate onto the TTY. I couldn’t wait to get off the phone with mom. Mom whined of something to watch by TV and asked me to call her back at six thirty. 

The voice drove me crazy with the inner noises and got louder and louder. I couldn’t withstand another phoning with mom as a result. Ugh. I wound up during the phone call at six thirty cutting the phoning short as fifteen minutes. I used the excuse of working onto a story as a reason I had to get off the damn phone with mom. 

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Story I'm working on....

Dec. 13th, 2017 | 07:36 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

STAR WARS fan fiction

Luke joins rebellion against first order with his sister Leia as general. Rebels attack a first order group and capture Leia’s son Kylo in the process. Ren the female student of Luke thinks of a trick to make Kylo believe in goodness. Kylo gets handed Luke’s light saber and wounds up having a crying fit from realizing that’s Luke’s he’s hoping to get as a goal. Rebellion goes to a planet where’s natives are primitive dinosaurs that are smart and picking a fight with the rebels despite Luke and Ren trying to use Jedi powers to calm the dinosaurs people into believing rebels won’t cause harm. Luke noticed another Jedi powered person a female is nearby helping the both of them with their Jedi powers. Kylo gets put into an arena and has a fight with a dinosaur person with his own light saber he not believing the dinosaur person doesn’t meant harm. Luke’s noticing of another Jedi girl notices that the female is using Jedi powers onto Kylo to think while he’s in the arena with his own light saber. Kylo starts to think and demands to be out of the arena away from the dinosaur person which is obeyed. Kylo seems to believing in Leia as his mother despite still believing badly involving Jedi powers. Luke noticed the dinosaur people are intelligent tries to get a communication between Leia and the dinosaur people. This works despite multiple Jedi’s sensed using powers to watch and monitor the scene. Luke figures out whom that female Jedi is involving a female with crippled form with two canes to walk her legs not having anything in them while using robotic technology to walk with canes and moving her legs. She’s referred as ‘The cripple who’s whole’ by people something Luke notices she’s seems to have Jedi powers and tries to teach her in the process of spying onto her. Cripple seemed to be accepting of the teaching despite throwing an angry fit involving her crippled status something Luke tries to be sure to not make her angry about enough to use Jedi powers. Instead Luke tries to get her to use Jedi powers for calming herself including using for maneuvering herself around when’s her crippled status blocks her from doing things.

I wound up changing that fan fiction story to something involving the Edenia series I'm always thinking of galore. I'm not entirely sure of when's I'll share that story online. Just have to wait till January because the month of December isn't friendly towards electronic books according to Smashwords' website where I've been self publishing stories online.

I found that I have made multiple versions of that story involving STAR WARS fan fiction involving something else in my Edenia series. I'm just not entirely sure of what to do with that fan fiction but save it on file and just edit it to include characters' in the Edenia series like I did already.

This is not the first time I've used a fan fiction of STAR WARS to form an Edenia series' story. I've typed two stories already from that universe and changed them into Edenia series.

I also get ideas for fan fiction of other series and other universe stories not just STAR WARS. I do get ideas but I don't do much involving those ideas unless I'm sure I can type them into Edenia series' stories. It's depends on my mood actually.

Oh well.

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I swear food can make me sick

Dec. 13th, 2017 | 07:16 pm
mood: busybusy

I meant it with what I titled this entry.

I had way too much ice cream bars for lunch on one day and then later that night I wound up sick all night with the voice attacking me. Ugh.

I found the voice kept up it's barrage even when I was friends with the toilet. I notice when's I don't vary my diet of foods I'm friends with the toilet including getting the voice involved. Ugh.

Ugh another torture by the voice involves the nerve for number two within my body. I noticed the voice picks onto me involving that nerve. Yuck.

Hence I up all night editing multiple stories out of creepiness of the voice picking onto me. I can't sleep with the inner noises. I keep on thinking of getting an interruption while asleep so I get up and do stories onto the computer. I find stories onto the computer gets my mind off the inner noises and helps me cope with the noisy problem. I like I did all night while the voice picked onto me. Ugh.

Also noticed if I don't have a good night's sleep the voice is picking onto me all day and picking onto me at night. Just acting like background noise so I have to be heavy onto a book or something like that including concentrating onto the TV or computer. Terrible!

I noticed my reading voice involving reading material is louder than the schizophrenic voice. I found when I'm reading a book or reading something by computer or reading the captions by TV the reading voice drowns out the noise. Ugh.

Hence I'm heavily onto reading materials and trying to avoid that inner noises' problems. Yuck ugh.

I haven't been updating my journal in a long time out of either laziness or just something's kept me busy. I've been busy with trying to type stories including typing some journaling notes involving my life for remembering things for later. I don't like it when I forget things or memories I found important to remember hence I type them onto the computer.

Oh I used one year of journaling entries into a story involving a schizophrenic living on an alien planet. I thought that'll be nice to do. I call that story "Diary of a mad woman." I figured I'll one of those days get inspired again and use another of my journaling typing entries to become a story.

I did that notes with journals with two stories so far. One was involving vampires told in a female's point of view becoming a vampire and being deaf. The other story involved a hearing schizophrenic female that's typing her life while living on an alien planet that's not Earth but some other planetary world.

I think I'm managed to use the theme of schizophrenia including into some of my stories but not all of them. I noticed I used that theme of hearing voices in some of my stories involving characters given that voices' problem.

Not sure of why's I'm still using that theme. Must be something of me putting my heart into stories. Oh well.

I'll try to keep myself updated with journal entries into here but I'm just busy trying to craft some stories for self publishing online when's the holiday season is over with. Yuck to the holiday season isn't friendly with self publishing electronic books. Ugh.

Hopefully I'll try to vary my diet of foods and try to avoid eating too much ice cream bars in one sitting. I blame that food for making me sick later that day up all night. Yuck. Ugh.

Ugh again.

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I'm a hoarder...

Jul. 14th, 2017 | 06:45 pm
mood: hoarding

Of books galore, I admit it. I collect way too many books and don't bother to read much of them. Ugh, I'm a stinking hoarder of books.

Maureen got onto my case when I admitted I've got books piled up in here. I’m to sort my books and give up twenty five or around that amount of books, to make Maureen happy. Maureen has been on my case for hoarding books too much, to make allergies aggravated, from the damn dust. Ugh.

Poor cutie pie my kitty has been sneezing a bit lately including indicating of allergies. I guess she’s indicating too many books into here that needs to be whittled out. Ugh. Poor baby cute kitten!

I meant to get started on this books’ sorting tonight, into the weekend. Ugh. Mostly I have around twenty books for sorting either by the time the weekend is over with. I was hoping for that sorting to be done by the weekend is over with. Also hoping to have twenty or twenty five books by the weekend is done with.


I do hope I don’t change my mind on what books I want to give up. I tried to give up some books earlier but changed my mind and kept them. Ugh, hence my problems with giving up books when I don’t want to do that at all.

I don’t know what’s going on with me and my mood involving books and hoarding them. Ugh this hoarding is terrible big time. Hence Maureen is picking onto me for hoarding books. It’s a pity to me and a pity to Maureen for that pickiness.

Also it’s a pity to me for buying tons of books and hardly bothering to read them. Ugh sucks big time when I like to buy books but won’t read them when’s their home in my residence. This sucks.

Hence I’m reading some books I’ve got in the mail, in response, to that habit. I’m trying to start a habit of reading books, I’ve got in the mail, immediately and just donate them if I don’t care for them.

Ugh hence I’ve got some books set aside for that reading. I’ve got those books unread set aside onto my TV’s table, I’m just hoping to get around to reading when I can.

There are some books I don’t bother to read instead put away into the bookcase for reading later. Those books I set into bookcase are already read books I’ve read before, once and I’m just aiming to read again when’s I get around to it.

The already read books I’m hoarding are hard covers, I’m favoring enough to purchase off eBay. Barnes and noble stopped selling some of those hardcover books, I’m favoring, to have copies of hence I’m ordering off eBay.

Ugh, some of those books are paperback versions now and are only sold online that website’s Barnes and noble. It sucks big time when’s I don’t care for the paperback versions of those books, I want to collect and hoard.

Ugh again towards hoarding.

Hence my dislike towards paperback books. I find paperback books keep being ripped and bent out of shape, hence I like hardcover books. Hence my damn collection of books that are hardcover compared to paperbacks.

Also meant to go sort my books tonight but I’m not entirely sure of which ones I should give up. Ugh. The sort will mean doing that at the last minute when’s the day’s Monday of Maureen’s deadline for me to sort. Ugh hate having to do that last minute sorting.

This sorting thing makes me dislike it big time ugh. I hate to sort books when I’m not entirely sure of books I’m willing to give up.

Ugh hence I’ll sort books I think I’ll give up but when Monday arrives, I’ll at the last minute take some books to keep. I’m like that habit sort books to give up, only keeping them at the last minute.

Sucks big time when’s I think of books to give up but at the last minute I’ll keep them. This mind changing habit isn’t good for me anyway. I don’t like that habit towards books, I want to give up. I should be firm towards books I give up and not keep them after I dump them into the box to give up.

I should give up books I know I won’t read again despite liking them and their covers or shape of the book involving hard covers. I swear I keep books on hand sometimes due to their covers’ designs on them, hence their attractive to keep.

I think that attitude is towards Karen Marie Moning’s Fever series. I wound up keeping some hard covers of that Fever series on hand because I value those books in hardcover over paperback. I’m not impressed with the covers of the paperbacks’ of the Fever series. I prefer the hard covers’ designs instead. I just do hence I eBay buying, some hard covers of the series instead, of off Barnes and Noble, who stopped selling them hard covers. Ugh.

I’ve got books one to five in the Fever series, I’m hoping to read, I only read once as a seven day loaner from the town library. Ugh. I doubt that the books are a stand by alone readings. Their following each book with cliffhanger like endings hence I have to read them in order to follow along with the stories.

Also I'm not impressed with the Fever series' latest books. I'm only impressed with the first five books of the series, enough to have copies on hand. I'm not keen on the other four books of the series. I just don't care for them at all and that the latest book of the series gave me trouble getting into it. Ugh hence I don't care for the series' latest books.

I admit it, I'm a hoarder of books.

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Saturday's Blues

May. 28th, 2017 | 01:50 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

Ugh, I wound up crashing around eleven o’clock last night. I woke up around the five o’clock hour due to bathroom urges to pee. Ugh, I went then resumed sleeping till close to nine o’clock hour is when I woke up and fiddled via cell phone.

Baby cute kitten was cuddled bumming me while I was in bed. Baby cat is so cute when’s she’s cuddly. Aw.

Anyway mom text emailed me so I wound up getting up for that phone call. I was on the phone for like thirty minutes till like nine thirty is when we quit the phoning. Mom’s working an afternoon shift today. Ugh, poor Momsy!

I showered and fed the baby cat. The baby cat was hanging around me via phone demanding food. Poor kitty had to wait till I was done with the phoning including done with the bathroom. Ugh, I got up and didn’t go to the bathroom but phoned mom hence I making kitty wait. I suck big time.

Anyway I showered then ate breakfast considered of chocolate and soda. Not very healthy anyway! I suck when I eat crap for breakfast than healthy foods. Ugh.

Also last night I finished “Memoirs of a Geisha” I rated one star online good Reads. I didn’t care for that book to consider reading it again. Ugh, also parts of that book had disgusting stuff into it I didn’t care for hence I rating it one star. Ugh, each to each own like I said to Janet when I told her of that one star rating. Ugh.

Anyway I emailed Maureen yesterday when I was home from being out with dad. I think she read that email. I was rather lengthy with my email to Maureen. Oh well. She read that email but didn’t reply ugh. I don’t know why’s she’s not replying much involving that emailing I sent her. Ugh.

Also I wound up on the phone with mom around nine o’clock in the evening last night. I was on the phone for almost an hour or till ten thirty is when we quit. I went to watch a TV show on HGTV channel involving a house hunting show international outside the USA. I saw they did Australia. Well nice!

After that show I quit for bed and slept fine with a few blankets. I did leave the window open all night because I was wondering if I’ll be woken up with a hot flash despite windows shut. Ugh I know I had a case of that one times. The hot flash sucked big time.

I’m just depressed today. I keep on hoping to get outside walking around but I’m not in the mood. I’m more into the mood to type muse talk stories than anything else, besides TV and jotting notes via journal.


Also I kept on slobbering the baby cat with kisses on top of her head when’s she’s trying to sleep via my bed. Poor baby cat was just snoozing and had to wake up to look at me and accept my kisses. Poor kitty! Aw love that little munchkin bunches. She’s so cute!

I wound up in the mood to do something like typing but I wasn’t sure of what to type other than my thoughts. Ugh, hence I’m typing down my thoughts than anything else. This lack of stories’ typing sucks big time when I have to get my typing urges done by typing my thoughts than my stories.

Ugh, really the pits!

It’s really the pits like I said. I should consider typing some story but I don’t feel up to it. Hence I’m stuck typing my thoughts down as a result. Ugh, really annoying.

Oh well.

Baby cutie is so cute when slobbered with kisses and hugs fests. She’s so tolerant of that behavior. I guess that’s her paycheck for free eats and free shelter including free bathroom. Poor baby cute kitten! Aw!

I’m just depressed again at the moment. I don’t feel like going outside to walk around. I just don’t feel like walking today. I prefer to work onto my stories on the computer but I’m not in the mood to bother. Ugh, sucks big time when I’m not keen on working onto my stories.

Ugh again.

Also I’ve written the ending story of my Edenia series and now I have to figure out what else to write or type besides that. I’ve been thinking of some defunct earth traveling series called “Earth 2.” Mostly I thinking of ideas to further make that series go than just one season on the TV. Ugh, it’ll mean viewing that TV series via DVD to catch up or remember on characters’ and stuff. Ugh again.

I’ve been thinking of an alternative history story involving earth. Mostly I was thinking involving the natives of planet earth to continue their space program instead of canceling it after they landed onto the moon. More likely thinking of ideas to make the moon colonized into machinery including ideas involving space stations and space travel to Mars and around the galaxy. Ugh, seems nice I guess.

I’ve been thinking of some fan fiction to some series by Anne McCaffrey. I was thinking of typing my own stories involving that series called “Freedom” mostly what I could think of involving that series. Also create my own version of that series instead of just copying McCaffrey. Ugh, it’ll mean having to read the entire series of books to figure out what fan fiction I could make.

Ugh sucks big time.

Anyway I’m just not entirely sure of what to do with the Edenia series. I keep on making that series longer and longer like an endless soap opera that doesn’t end stories wise. It sucks big time when I won’t stop thinking of continuing that series. I’ve been thinking of newer ideas for furthering that series. I doubt that I would be typing that down. Ugh.

Also I’ve been thinking of viewing “Earth 2” and reading those books on that series including reading McCaffrey’s Freedom series. I was thinking of making fan fiction to those series and just entertain myself with that, ugh.

Anyway anything to continue typing stories down other than just the damn Edenia series I seemed to favor than anything else. Ugh, sucks big time.

I’m officially depressed, just am. Ugh depressed because my mood for typing stories isn’t there for me to type anything but my thoughts.

I don’t even know of what to do involving typing stories down. The lack of typing stories like I hoped sucked big time. Ugh, not what I had in mind to put up with stories wise. Ugh what an annoyance.

Also I’m just annoyed that I’m thinking of various ideas I want to type down involving some stories ideas I typed down earlier. I wanted to work onto those stories but the mood for them isn’t there. I’m never in the mood for typing down stories. I’m always in the mood for something else like typing my thoughts than typing down stories. This sucks big time.

It’s an annoyance when I’m stuck having to get my typing urges done by typing down my thoughts instead of my stories like I hoped to type. I thought of various ideas for making my stories’ outlines in my stories’ ideas file into one story universe I called “Atler Earth.” Ugh, sucks big time when I can barely fix those stories into this file I wanted. Oh well.

Baby cute kitten has been sleeping on my bed and ignoring me. She’s been waking up to look at me coming around her or going into the bathroom. Poor cutie is always like that because I’m always snatching her up for hugs and kisses. Other times I’m just slobbering kisses onto the top of her head or onto her cute little snout. She’s so cute!

Also I’m just depressed because I could have gone outside but I wasn’t in the mood. Ugh. I’m just depressed when I don’t bother to go outside even when I could have. Ugh again.

I just don’t know what to do today besides slobbering kisses onto the baby cat and hugging her too much to make her squirm. Poor kitty, poor me!

I finished two books yesterday that today I don’t feel like reading anything book wise. Ugh. I don’t know what to read besides Gerry Maguire’s book “Wicked.” I’m only interested into that book because of a play airing on commercials on TV. Ugh.

I’m just sad at the moment. I’m just sad and depressed. I don’t feel like smiling. I don’t feel like laughing anyway. Humph! I’m just too sad and down in the dumper to enjoy anything around here. I don’t know what to do besides annoying the poor cat with kisses and hugs fests. Not when’s she’s trying to sleep. Ugh.

Against my better judgment I self published this King Arthur fan fiction story online Smashwords. I figured that story has been used multiple times in my Edenia series for various points of views involving this God King, Lance Richard. Ugh, hence I self publishing it online Smashwords. Ugh again.

Anyway I did say via paragraph way that the story was sent to a magazine for publication and wound up rejected. I’m aiming to self publish short stories that are rejected by magazines online Smashwords.
Ugh, just my way of saying “@@@@ you!”
Ugh this is just something to say towards those magazines for rejecting my work and balking on accepting them. The magazines suck big time.

Also I’m just annoyed with the fact that I’m stuck having to use Smashwords’ to self publish, rejected work to a magazine. Ugh, I don’t care too much to do that towards Smashwords but its any way of getting that work self published for people to read for fun or for free, whichever is the case.


Baby cute kitten wound up snatched up for a nice hug and some kisses. She cuddled me in response, but squirmed to be put down. Poor kitty! I love to hug and kiss that baby bundle of fur so much. She’s so cute! She’s tolerant of those hugs and kisses. Aw!

Also I’m just sort of depressed at the moment. I already ate some food for dinner with my pills. Now I’m just sort of trying to amuse myself with typing down stuff. I was hoping for stories to be typed down today but no, I had no mood for that. I wound up typing my thoughts instead. This mood sucks big time.

Hence I’m depressed when I can barely type anything stories’ wise despite thinking of tons of ideas. Mostly I am thinking ideas for my “Atler Earth” series.


I could have used the word “Alter” for that series but I didn’t bother. I wound up using the last name of Atler from a gymnast that was always fighting for her gymnastics. She’s retired now and is currently a coach. I thought I would honor her for her fighting spirit involving gymnastics.

I like the sport of gymnastics enough to favor it too much.

I figured I’ll just use that name of “Atler” instead of the word of “Alter” for my earth’s series. Mostly I am making that series unique with that Atler name instead of Alter. Just something I figured why not?

Ugh, baby cute kitten wound up onto the window still doing her version of Cat’s TV. She’s so cute when’s she’s TV watching via window still including via blinds in my bedroom. She’s cute when petted while doing that TV watching. What a cute kitten!

I’m just has to wait forever tonight for mom’s damn text email for a phone call. Ugh, mom took forever to get back to me via phone last night. Her text emailed me close to nine o’clock something I didn’t appreciate. I didn’t appreciate that lateness of mom’s text email. I wasn’t in a happy mood when she took forever to reply. Ugh how rude can she get?

I’m just depressed today because I can’t seem to get myself to type stories despite thinking ideas. All I could do was type my thoughts than anything else. This lack of typing stories isn’t what I had in mind. I was hoping on being an author of works, but how can I be an author if I can’t type stories every damn day? This lack of typing is the pits anyway.

Also I noticed when Sundays rolls around I’m more into the mood to type some story than I am on Saturdays. Ugh. I’m just has to hope that I can type more of the story wise tomorrow despite doing my thoughts today. Ugh again.

Sometimes for the rest of the week, I’ll type but mostly my thoughts. Actually noticed when Sundays rolls around, I’m in a typing stories mood. Except when Mondays rolls around I’m sometimes in that typing mood enough to continue that story or just edit it and self publish that thing online Smashwords. Ugh seems like me and my moods involving Sundays and Mondays.

Ugh, terrible.

I’ve been getting my happiness involving typing done with my thoughts than my stories. It sucks big time when I’m happier when it comes to typing stories than my thoughts. I’m not happy with the fact that I’m stuck typing my thoughts other than typing stories. Just makes me depressed as a result. Ugh, I hate this depression like nuts.

I'm Just depressed.

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A Rant

Apr. 30th, 2017 | 03:17 pm
mood: annoyedannoyed

I wonder if those rude science fiction fantasy magazines are rejecting my work on purpose or something to do with my damn name?! Screw those magazines for that rude attitude!

Also I wound up daydreaming of a story idea I was hoping to type down but I couldn’t get myself into the mood to do this typing. The entire thing I could do was copy and pastes some story idea I already typed with another story and put it into a separate file. Ugh I hate the fact that I can’t type anything stories wise like I hoped. Damn this mood! All I could do was my journal or an email to people. Damn this typing mood of mine!

I hate it when I can barely type anything stories wise down even when I daydream of a good idea. Ugh, I hate this fact that I’m stuck keeping those damned ideas into my head. This inability to type stories down sucks!

I was hoping to make a living as a writer but the public for not buying my stories and those damned magazines for refusing to accept my work. I already read those magazines and they should have accepted my stories. They didn’t which they should go to hell for that rejection.

I read one magazine that had stories that had nothing to do with the science fiction fantasy genre. The entirely issue bored me to tears about wrestling, alternative history, and murder. Not what I expected from them and that magazine!

Also annoying is I don’t have much money left to pay for frivolous things online. My bank account is practically zero in money from all that e-book sales and buying those e-books.


This is the same for my wallet when I tried to save money but could barely have anything into there for saving for later. I hate this inability to save money into my book bank safe. I find I’m always yanking money out of there galore.

Plus annoying is the public refusing to buy my Edenia series stories or bothering to post reviews to help me out with learning what I need to do with those stories. All I’m getting is conversations and negative talk than anything positive involving my stories.

Excuse my language into here but I'm in a bad annoyed mood at the moment with my inability to type stories down. I expected this morning to type stories down including one idea i kept on daydreaming over and over.
The voice ruined my mood by saying "I doubt that you can type."
my mood to type anything stories wise was gone out the window when i sat at the computer. Really voice?!

I found myself unable to type anything stories' wise despite editing some paragraphs of stories I had on file. Ugh, story of my life.

All i can do involving my writing is recycling stories to have this character's point of view including a theme other than what i originally typed. I can't seem to convince myself or the damn voice to let me type down newer ideas or finish some short stories despite thinking of ideas to finish them. This sucks big time!

This is really annoying when I expect to be a writer but myself isn't cooperating when it comes to typing ideas down and crafting stories i expected to type down. Ugh i hate this anyway. this isn't what i had in mind to put up with when it comes to my inability to type stories down even if the voice ruins my mood. Ugh!

Hence my angry rants into here. This is really annoying!

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Bad weekend

Apr. 30th, 2017 | 02:57 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Ugh Friday night was marred by a bad attack of schizophrenia. I tried to sleep off that attack twice but couldn’t. Ugh, sucks big time. Also the attack bothered my paranoia and made it worse for me to sleep it off. Ugh.

Plus the voice during my attempts to sleep off, the attack was bothering me too much. The voice got to the point that I couldn’t sleep off the attack. I wound up onto the computer too long editing muse talk story from outlines to talking conversations. Ugh must have driven the neighbor, crazy with my typing. A pity!

I think I wound up not sleeping much as a result. Also I think I wound up with the voice, chanting all damn Saturday, as a result. My paranoia wasn’t that aggravated, but ok for me to withstand it. Ugh again.

Anyway I wound up out with Maureen to Mickey D’s, for buying lunch, and then the theater. I tried to buy an iced coffee but the cashier must have thought I wanted hot coffee hence the machine was broken. I got chocolate milk as a result. Anyway I noticed a customer having iced coffee and asked for some which I got free, after I returned the chocolate milk. Nice of the restaurant!

I ate in the car then went with Maureen to the theater involving Torrington’s cinema to view “Beauty and the Beast” movie a live action movie over a cartoon. Nice I guess.

Ugh, that movie was marred by the fact that the caption boxes didn’t work. Ugh. I had to guess what was said via movie, including eyeing it, and asking Maureen questions what the movie was about and stuff. I wound up watching the movie entirely including stuffing my face full of popcorn, cute.

As for the movie I found it visually appealing enough to rate it an a. I didn’t care for the parts involving the George Washington like clothes and stuff. It sucked big time when I didn’t care too much for that. Oh well.

After the movie Maureen and gang went to a hibachi restaurant. I didn’t recognize any of the foods besides the dessert foods of chocolate pudding. I wound up given foods by Maureen from her plate which I ate. I found that food pretty good, except I nearly choked onto it when I was trying to swallow it down. Some of that food came back up which I forced myself to swallow it down. Ugh terrible.

I wound up giving Maureen the last of my money for her to help pay for the bill involving the grill. After that a friend or student from college drove me and another student home. Nice of them!

Oh that student drove to Panera Bread to buy dinner then drove me home. I did point out the way to my address then at home I wound up eating some foods. After that I dialed mom via phone, I was on the phone for like thirty minutes till six o’clock is when she whined she wanted to view the local news including world news. Ugh.

I skipped the six o’clock show on NBC involving local and world news. I wound up watching an hour of “Fixer Upper” instead. Then at seven o’clock I ranged mom up and was on the phone for almost an hour. I think closed to eight o’clock mom whined of needing to get to bed early for church in the morning, so I let her off the phone then after that watched the HGTV channel till like ten o’clock is when I quit for bed.

I think I was terribly tired that I slept for like twelve hours. Ugh, I guess I was tired or something. It sucked big time to be tired. Oh well.

Anyway baby cutie cuddled bummed me last night into this morning. Aw, so cute of the baby cat. I love that bundle of fur so much. She’s so cute when slobbered with kisses and hugged fests. Aw, love that little munchkin bunches. She’s so cute!

Today auntie sandy took me out for an outing. She brought Lenny along but he had a pressing commitment at home so she dropped him off after buying lunch from McDonald’s. Tasty foods, but I didn’t have the iced mocha this time, instead I had chocolate milk. Ugh.

Anyway after Lenny was dropped off was to Barnes and Noble. I saw a Jackie Collins’ book on sale for a cheap price. I didn’t bother to buy that thing, instead figured I’ll ask town library for a copy of that book. The book’s called “Goddess of Vengeance” a part of her Lucky Santangelo series. Cute I guess.

Then after the bookstore was to Kohl’s via car, which auntie looked at the purses. She kept on finding purses too expensive for her taste. Ugh, those purses were on sale and for a discount, but she didn’t bother to buy them. A pity!

We went to Shop Rite to buy groceries. I got bananas which she bought for me, including a People’s magazine with the HGTV channel’s Scott brothers on the cover. Nice article from what I’ve read. I found that article pretty good anyway. After I read that magazine’s article I read other articles that amused me then gave that magazine to Auntie to read. She took the magazine fine.

Well, went to Auntie’s house to drop off food and eat some ice cream. After that was a walk around the yard or a dam’s area including via hill. I was huffing and puffing up that hill like nuts. I was gulping water like nuts. Ugh, Auntie noticed that I was out of shape. She told me to walk every day, instead of staying home lazy, or in my words, lazy like a bum. Ugh.

After Auntie’s house she drove me home, where I smooch the kitty with kisses and hugs’ fests. I missed that baby bundle of fur so much! I love that little munchkin bunches. She’s so cute! I love hugging and kissing her. She’s so tolerant of those hugs and kisses and sometimes licks my face in response. Aw so cute!

At home I didn’t do much besides watching the HGTV channel airing a marathon of “Flip or Flop.” I think that series is going off the channel’s lineup for TV shows. I think the stars of that show have problems with their marriage something frowned upon by the HGTV channel hence their show dropped. It sucks big time when that show can only be seen via reruns or marathons. Ugh a pity.

Anyway I aimed to read some books if I’m inclined tonight, when the mood strikes me. I wasn’t in the mood to read something while out with auntie sandy. This lack of reading books sucks big time. Ugh.

Tomorrow is Monday I get my paycheck deposit deposited and then I can start paying some bills. Bills, such as cell phone bill, my cable bill including my electricity bill too.

I can’t wait to start saving some money on the side instead of spending it onto useless junk online. The spending sucks big time when I can’t seem to save money. This spending is terrible, big time when I can’t seem to save anything. Ugh, not happy about that lack of saving money on the side. Ugh terrible.

Also I saw some e-books I like to purchase that were on sale but couldn’t buy them because of lack of money. I guess that’s the pits anyway.

Plus baby cutie visited my lap multiple times, but I kept on snatching her up for a nice hug and kiss. I miss that baby bundle of fur so much while I was out with auntie sandy. Poor kitty must have missed me too. Poor baby cute kitten!

Aw, love my baby cute kitten so much! She’s so cute when smooched with kisses and gathered into my arms, for hugs. I love that little munchkin, bunches. She’s so cute! Aw!

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