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Terrible day today.

Nov. 14th, 2016 | 07:18 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Anyway I’ve managed to go vacuum the apartment including doing lots of dusting around here. It’s about time I vacuumed for poor kitty’s sake. Poor kitty’s got a bald spot on her back that’s from dust mites including from a lack of vacuuming. A pity to the kitty!

I vacuumed which kitty hid out of me annoying her with the vacuum cleaner. I guess she hates that noise of that thing. It sucks big time when I hate vacuuming around here because the thing causes kitty to hide and avoid me doing that chore. Poor kitty makes me think I’m hurting her when I’m not sure if that's the case. Also makes me think I should vacuum more often for kitty’s allergies.


I’ve meant to go dust in here including sorting some more books too. I’ve racked up a pile of books around here that I need to lower that amount I’ve got on hand. It sucks big time when the apartment is cluttered. Ugh again.

I spotted the baby cutie walking by. She’s cute when petted and snatched up for hugs. Aw what a cute kitten.

Today was marred by a voice attack that triggered my paranoia to go off bad. Ugh. I wound up walking to the school with the voice going off. I thought the voice going off involved me walking. Ugh again.

Voice always goes off giving me schizophrenic episodes of voice and paranoia from whenever I'm out walking around. I'm trying to work onto my walking exercises but I can't help being lazy because of the damned voice picking onto me and triggering my paranoia to go off the charts.

Anyway I wound up sick in the toilet at the school that caused the voice to continue to talk too much. Ugh triggering my paranoia to go off the charts. Yuck the voice has gotten involved while in the bathroom mostly doing number two. It's annoying when that happens!

I walked to McGrane’s to buy my traditional meal including soda since they were out of Snapple juice. I think I paid but I don’t remember doing it. Plus I brought along Shania Twain’s memoir book with me which I read while waiting for food. After food arrived I walked to school to meet Maureen.

Oh almost forgot my soda which the waitress had to come out running with that drink. Nice of her!

After that I went to Maureen’s office or her place of work at the Academic Skills Lab which I ate my lunch but not whole hearted. I only had the whole sandwich but parts of my fries. My appetite was lousy because of the voice’s attack including paranoia going off. Yuck.

I tried to read Shania Twain’s book but the voice kept bothering me so I whined that to Maureen. She let me go home. I wound up going home walking fast. I got home and realized that I forgot my cell phone. Ugh.

I considered calling dad to whine of that thing but I couldn’t find any pieces of paper with his phone number on it. Ugh again.

I against my better judgment walked to school even with the voice picking onto me again. My paranoia was off again too. I went to Maureen’s classroom to whine of my cell phone being missing. She told me she found that thing but left it in the Academic Skills Lab.

Ugh. I wound up leaving my bag and water bottle at her classroom which I walked to the Academic Skills Lab in another building even with the voice going off bothering me.


I walked to the school and considered the stairs but I opt to take the elevator. I got into the elevator and took that to the Academic Skills Lab. I found my cell phone on the desk where Maureen said it was.

I did have to write a note on a piece of paper on arrival to there asking for cell phone just for making my talk speech clear. They pointed out the cell phone which I checked and found it belonged to me. Yay me!

After that I walked back to Greenwoods’ where Maureen’s classroom was with my stuff. It was tempting to walk home with the voice going and paranoia off but I had to pick up my bag and water bottle including keys. I did that picking up.

Maureen showed me a cute cat video of a cat I found funny but I wasn’t in a laughing mood. Ugh. I wasn’t laughing because of the voice picking onto me at the time with my aggravated paranoia. Yuck.

I forced myself to walk home as a result as fast as I could. I walked fast despite really nervous by the voice’s wording and aggravating paranoia. Ugh the nerves didn’t stop me from getting home fast as I could. I got home and wound up onto the computer editing one story out of needing something to concentrate onto other than the inner noises of paranoia and voice’s talk. Ugh.

I usually take a shower once I’m home from walking but since the states in a drought I’m trying to conserve water. So I’m not showering much. Also I’m too scared to shower with the voice attacking me and aggravating my paranoia.

The showering hasn’t helped me when I get home from being out with a schizophrenic episode. Instead the showering has made me feel worse off like more paranoid something I don't like that at all. I don’t care too much to shower when I’m home from a schizophrenic episode. I just prefer to cool down by computer staring or reading a damn book instead. Just do.

I noticed when I get hot from out walking around I get the voice going including my paranoia going. Ugh really annoying when I'm trying to work onto my weight and avoid being two hundred pounds when I'm like thirty pounds away from that. Ugh.

I also get the voice going when I'm walking to the town library to either sit around or picking up books or donating books. Ugh. I find when I sit around at the town library I cool down and get relaxed enough to avoid the voice blaring again and same for paranoia.

But the walk home from town library is the pits. There's a big hill I have to walk to get to my home street. I sometimes take the lazy route which is longer and usually take that route via highway with sidewalks. The highway with sidewalks is that route that always gets the schizophrenic episodes triggered. Hence I hate walking home that highway route.

Ugh hence my terrible day forgetting my damn cell phone and having to get outside walking twice with the voice picking onto me. Really annoyingly aggravated!

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Depressed on weekends

Nov. 12th, 2016 | 12:48 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I'm just depressed again.

I've meant to go out for a walk or out somewhere but I can't make myself do anything walking wise. I'm too depressed to bother. Ugh.

As a result of my depression I ordered two cheapskate books off Barnes and Noble's website. I was craving to receive something in the mail hence I ordering some books as a result. Ugh.

Those books are just on sale for a hardcover and paperback for like six bucks each totaling eleven dollars and some change. I'm sure the price will make it twelve dollars but the tax wasn't much. Plus I got a discount for being a member of Barnes and Noble. Oh well.

Also I'm just wondering what else I can order off the internet besides those cheapskate books by Nora Roberts and J.R. Ward. Ugh. I ordered "Stars of Fortune" by Nora Roberts that's the first of her Guardians' trilogy. I also ordered J.R. Ward's book "The King" in hardcover. That book is part of her vampire series Black Dagger Brotherhood.

I do wonder why's Nora's still writing involving her Nora Roberts' persona despite said to want to write as J.R. Robb. I don't get it at all. I guess that the public insisted on her Nora Roberts' persona. I guess that's the pits.

Anyway as for J.R. Ward's vampire series I do wish she would write something else than just focused onto the vampire series. It's about time she wrote some other things than focusing too much onto her vampire series. Ugh.

J.R. Ward tried to write some Southern series involving bourbon in Kentucky. I found that series pretty good but I don't know if the readers like it or not. Oh well. I've meant to go purchase that series when I get the chance out of support towards the author.

This depression sucks big time when I'm depressed on the weekends. Ugh. I could do without this damned depression. Oh well.

Also do without slobbering the baby cat with lots of kisses and hugs out of trying to get rid of this stupid depression. Ugh poor kitty isn't happy with me. Poor baby cute kitten always has to put up with this damned behavior from me. I don't get it how cutie tolerates that. I guess that the free eats is why's she's tolerant. Poor kitty!

Just not entirely sure of what to do today despite down and depressed. Ugh!

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Just some story

Nov. 6th, 2016 | 05:43 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

Brandis’ writings added here “I get this memory of a human female with different colored hair to a human female named Natalia's blonde looks. She’s appearing to be answering to the name of Daniela Constanta in my mind further when trying to remember more of Natalia.”

Daniela hears from her father a Human male named Dan “The Humans have demanded to the Felidaes' main ruler a demand.”
The Felidaes’ ruler is always dubbed by the titled name of Sheik in the island nation dubbed United States of America among the natives secretly and not among other island nations' natives.
“The demand to Sheik is to grants the Humans a request on allowing them to pick a leader and have the leader have a titled position.” says her father.
Daniela gets an idea while practicing gymnastics in the gym with the other females to issue an oath for Sheik to grant the Humans their request tells the coach “I’m pleading with begging to put me on the team to compete on the World Championships team competing in Prussia!”
Coach Jamali spoke “I relents to Daniela Constanta’s begging but I have to get Sheik's approval first. Daniela Constanta is to meet the Sheik to convince him on that agreement.”
She finds her idea working by meeting Sheik in his office with coach there.
She speaks the idea towards Sheik “I oath that the USA.” as the island nation's nickname “Will have an athlete represent the USA in the Terrania Unity Games in the sport of gymnastics. This oath is from hearing that any medal regardless of color won by an athlete who's team didn't make the final automatically has a spot for her nation to compete in the Terrania Unity Games in any individual event if they make the final at the Terrania Unity Games.”
She frowns as Sheik asks “I ask Daniela Constanta what her wish will be if she is the one who does this medal winning?”
She speaks “Sheik to grant the Humans a leadership position.”
Sheik points a finger and says “The medal winning for the USA to have a spot in the Terrania Unity Games in the sport of gymnastics must come from Daniela Constanta to grant the Humans their requests. I ask for her name as fully said via birth.”
She says “The birth name is Natalia Mahalia.”
She finds Sheik repeating her name “Natalia Mahalia.” then the ruler says “The Humans' leader will be known by the titled name of Daniela period.”
She verbalizes “I agree to that titled name.” while hearing a growl sound from her Felidae coach sounding to her “You’re to agree and not protest to Sheik's words.”

“‘Natalia Mahalia’ is a name I figured is the name of the soul assigned to be Natalia Borsova then later Daniela Constanta. Hence I was receiving the odd recordings of her repeatedly with different names and different colored appearances of hair but same facial appearances.”

Daniela competes in Prussia wearing the USA's colors of sunset with her team while wearing an armband of Oceana's seal attached to her sleeve of her leotard.
The Prussia nation's ruler and leader Tsarina spoke via announcement at the previous world championships “I ordered to all nations having Humans competing in Prussian hosted sporting events for the World Championships must wear an armband of Oceana's seal on them. The seal of Oceana is to show to Prussian natives that the Humans are here in Prussia to compete for a sporting event for their nation to have the right to compete in the Terrania Unity Games. Oceana is going to host the event. The seal means the Humans are free to compete on Prussia as athletes and cannot be taken as slaves by Prussians.”
She finds to her annoyance that her team doesn't make the team final due to only five teams can make it. The five who make the team final are allowed to compete in the Terrania Unity Games for teams.
She hears from coach Jamali “Daniela Constanta is competing in all around and three events vault, beam and floor exercise placing the highest of her teammates on those events. The gymnastics federation said only two per nation can compete in individual events. She actually qualified on the floor exercise in third place behind two Prussians. The two per country rule allows her to compete in the beam and vault while another teammate competes in High Bar. I finds that Americans didn't make the two bar event our weakest event.”
Daniela competes in the all around finding that the two per country rule has given a limit amount of line up for athletes and that their all competing in order of qualification in the same event with her last in the ranking order.
She finds herself thinking “I’m determined to win a medal for the Americans!”
She does the Borsova vault due to practicing repeatedly and finds herself sticking the landing perfectly to score a nineteen. Daniela competes on two bars her weakest event finding herself scoring a fifteen then competes in High Bar a Felidae dominated event for mostly winning world titles in it in gymnastics and sticks the landing to get a nineteen. She does the Beam as well as she can to score a seventeen then does the Floor Exercise scoring an eighteen signaling the end of the all around to look at the score board and finds herself in bronze medal position.
Daniela hears from her coach Jamali “Daniela Constanta kept her oath to Sheik who will grant the Humans their request by the medal won!” she feels herself happy hearing. Daniela on the medal stand for bronze which the all around was won by a Prussian a Human female named Natalia Ivankova and the silver medalist a Human from Americania named Dominica Wasilla.
She gets her medal awarded by Sheik himself who grips her shoulders in some gentle move which is Felidae speak “I'm proud.”
She finds herself crying as the Prussian flag raises with the Americanian flag and her own nation flag raises.

Daniela competes in vault finding herself placed third but not granted the medal a tie for silver by two Kenibians.
The gymnastics federation's head judge a Highlander from Shonsurra monitoring the event “I rule at the beginning of the final that if there were ties that the qualification score will determine the medal win.”
She finds herself placed fourth as a Kenibian representing Americania wins the vault title. Daniela watches as her teammate Jana Janeiro places fourth in High Bar behind an Americanian she hears “I heard her name is as named Janeira Timis.” winning the event and two Ranians taking silver and bronze.
She finds herself winning the bronze in the balance beam won by an Americanian the silver medalist in the all around named Dominica Wasilla.
She overhears from two Prussians talking “Dominica is a descendant of the Kenibian pair with the last name of Wasilla who raised a former president of Americania dubbed Daheara. After Daheara won gold for Kenibia at a Terrania Unity Games event her parent raisers went to Americania and pushed their female descendants towards competing for Americania in gymnastics. The view was passed down to other family members with males taking up the coaching position.”
She competes on the floor exercise competing last and finds herself the winner by a perfect score of a twenty flashing. Daniela finds herself the first of her nation to win that event. She finds that Dominica wins the silver and the all around winner Natalia wins the bronze. Sheik awards her the gold medal and she cries hearing the music for the USA heard along with her flag seen including the flags of silver and bronze medalists. This flag raising ceremony was traditionally done since Oceana hosted the Terrania Unity Games underneath a former ruler named Emperor Pavel Palin. Daniela after the Worlds is over on the way to the USA via plane gets a growth spurt making her full grown.
She gets told by Jamali “Your career as an athlete is over by your age and size makes it impossible for you to compete in gymnastics as part of the rules by the gymnastics federation.”
She doesn't complain about it but wonders “What the USA's natives will say about my medal wins? My wins were part of an oath for Sheik to grant the Humans a leadership position using my name Daniela as the title for the Humans' leader to have.”
Daniela finds her worries are for nothing when she gets to USA finds a hero's welcome by the Felidae there along with the Human slaves allowed to attend to her homecoming. She's given some clothing to get out of her leotard and jumpsuit finding that their Felidae female styled clothing for leadership but doesn't complain about it and goes to Sheik's palace.
Daniela find him “I’m announcing.” to the crowd via microphone gathered below the balcony “I has granted the Humans' requested demand which is a leadership position with titled name of Daniela. I names the Human Daniela Constanta.” she hears is herself by saying “Daniela Constanta has kept an oath to the Sheik myself by giving the USA a position in the Terrania Unity Games in the sport of gymnastics. I name her by giving her the name of January with last name Constanta as the first Human to hold the Daniela titled leadership position. The position will be handed down to Humans in her family line including other family lines if her family line doesn't produce a Human.”
She doesn't complain to the first name change due to that the name of January is a sacred female name among Felidaes and given to females by the Sheik if they hold leadership positions’ in the ruler ship in the USA. The females who have turn out to do honorable actions towards the USA while holding the ruler ship position. She hears the crowd agree to Sheik's declaration as she is introduced to the people by Sheik gesturing her to come into sight and finds the crowd cheer loudly seeing her along with chanting the name of Constanta over and over.
She hears Sheik boom into the microphone as the crowd becomes quiet “The celebratory word for celebrations among the USA natives will be Constanta in honor of this Human for bringing honor to the USA! She being first Human to keep an oath said to Sheik!”
The crowd chants the name of “Constanta, Constanta!” over and over.
She doesn't find herself embarrassed by that. She eyes the crowd and finds herself drawn to a male Human with golden eyes staring at her not chanting. She slips away from Sheik him not protesting to that going out of the palace unstopped to find the staring Human male as if guided by an internal sense.
Daniela Constanta as referred historically and not by the January name finds herself the human male’s mate asks “What’s your name? What’s with your unusual eyes?”
She learns “My name is Mohan Lighter.” which she thinks “I'll take his last name when introducing herself to USA natives as Daniela Constanta Lighter.”
She learns from Mohan “I’m descendant of a Surrai dubbed Kazak from the golden eyes marking me that descendant like anyone descendant of Surrai regardless of species. The golden eyes have always omitted that hitting the Shadonia. Kazak's last name Lighter was added him took up the job of lighting cauldrons at the Terrania Unity Games no one willing to do that job. One of the family lines of descendants of Kazak living in Americania have taken up the job of lighting the cauldron with the eater flame. The eater flame always originating from an always lighted by eater small cauldron dubbed Memorial of Life. Memorial of Life has always appeared to have a permanent eater light and refusing to go out regardless of the weather. The cauldron is found outside the Terrania Unity Games stadium in the Americanian city of Atlanta sitting between a large box with Americanian wording indicating names. Their species or point of origins involving the names hasn't been figured out yet. There’s a raised statue of multiple humanoid males in the process of putting a flag pole up. The flag of Americania wound up later hung from there soon after a group of Americanians won the nation's first ever world title in any event. The flag put there was in honor of Georgina Visser for that victory as the Americanians' coach for coaching the team in question that won the title.”
“Her victory” according to Mohan as Daniela senses others nearby listening for a bit since she met Mohan “settled the debate on what flag and design to represent the nation of Americania. It was Georgina who started the tradition of having the flags of both silver and bronze medalists accompanied the gold medalists' flag in flag ceremonies. The ceremony was officially taken up by Americanians winning titles a tradition that is still continuing. The three flag ceremony wound up officially accepted by Oceana's ruler doing it to an Oceanan gold medalist in a stadium during Oceana hosting the Terrania Unity Games at the time. The ruler later once the ceremony was over ordered other nations to follow the flag ceremony. He declared that it'll be done for every single sporting event involving medals period which have been done since.”
She listens as Mohan adds “The cauldron lighters according to me after they get the specialized eater torch made from commission order of a former Empress of Oceana who was a Human. She requested the torch be used to carry eaters to various places including to light up cauldrons. She also requested the torch to have passed down that torch to use for when lit up travels in various ways to the nation hosting the Terrania Unity Games. There’s some miracle with the torch as always refusing to go out regardless of the travel or weather. The miracle involving the torch is it doesn't go out until it lights the cauldron is when the torch will go out period. I’m not sure why the torch has according to legend or miracle means always remained lighted regardless of the weather or traveling underwater and gone out whenever it lights up a cauldron in the nation hosting the Terrania Unity Games. “
She frowns as she asks Mohan “How Mohan Lighter wound up in the USA?”
Daniela uses Felidae speak for names and reference to people instead of saying you or your to hear from him “A Felidae dubbed Jimmy descendant of Kazak went to USA from some predicted self prophecy of a family member and a leadership position involved while in that nation. The Felidae in question wound up paired with another Felidae dubbed Una. Their family descendants have been living in the USA with Humans doing slavery work for Felidaes in government and island nation ruler ship positions. Una was the offspring of a Sheik” to her shock hearing that “The current Sheik knows of the family connection. He has given orders like his predecessors to the position too many times that any Human with golden eyes were to be used as slaves for Sheik and Felidaes in government positions only. The order was contained to only Sheik to have that honor for awhile till the other Felidaes in government positions got involved and insisted on having that done to them too. My predecessor family to myself and my family members wound up slaves. My family is currently slaves of various Felidaes in government positions including the Sheik himself. I’m currently a slave to the current Sheik who has been giving me the job to speak on the behalf of the Humans. The job’s to give him views on what the Humans think regarding situations happening around the USA. The job will now fell to January Constanta Lighter I names. The holding the Humans' leadership position is now to January Constanta now. I suspect that Sheik expects her to give the ruler views on Humans' thoughts regarding any situation happening to the island nation. That view includes involves the weather hitting regardless of how bad it causes damage or not. Including how the Humans are feeling if he hears of anything bad happening to the Human species while their in slavery to people. Including how they should be treated while slaves. This included what sort of judgment views the Human or Humans should get if any Human was found to do something inappropriate towards other Humans or other species is when punishment would be handed down by the Sheik ordering it.”
Daniela doesn't find herself protesting to Mohan's words who added “The usual punishment I have recommended towards Humans doing things inappropriate against other Humans or other species involves being whipped by a rope on their back. The whipping involved either a certain number or till they scream of pain or their back forms scars from the whipping. This happens regardless of how bad their behavior was which always varies on that punishment.”

“Notes on Natalia Mahalia, Human important to Terrania as said end here by Brandis the Record Keeper who doesn’t remember much else recorded involving this Natalia Mahalia. Brandis suspects the recording was for importance of Natalia Mahalia and nothing else than that soul in question.”

The end

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I'm just depressed...

Oct. 1st, 2016 | 08:57 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

Today’s October. Well nice! Today’s October day I’ll mean that I’ll get my paycheck. I can’t wait anyway. At least I can go pay off some bills like my damn cell phone bill. They emailed me a reminder to pay. Ugh.

Also text emailed mom to text emails me but she’s ignoring me at the moment. Ugh must be really tired from staying up all night into the bathroom due to what’s she’s eaten for dinner. Poor mom! Aw.

Cutie cuddle bummed me last night into this morning. Aw cute of cute baby kitten to do that cuddling. I love that fur ball bunches. She’s so cute!

Speaking of the baby kitten she’s gone to hide somewhere. I’m not sure where other than suspecting her in my clothes’ closet again. She habitually hides in there for hours. Damn cat dumb cat dumb animal. I swear that fur ball is so annoying when she’s anti social.


I wound up on the phone with mom for a short time. Mom whined of her stomach still giving her grief including the food she ate for lunch and dinner yesterday. Poor mom! Aw.

Anyway after that phone call I tried to do something to amuse myself out of boredom with the TV. HGTV is airing “Flea Market Flip” marathon till like one o’clock is when they’ll go into something else for marathon again. Ugh boring.

Also I’ve mean to go read a damn book but I’m not in the mood this morning instead I’m more interested into typing stuff down. I was hoping for stories’ to be typed down but I’m just doing my damn thoughts instead. Ugh sucks big time when I can only do journaling when it comes to typing down stuff. Ugh again.

I went online and discovered that HGTV this weekend is showing afternoon programs I don’t care for. Such as “Love it or List it” today this afternoon then tomorrow is “House Hunters” Sunday afternoon. How boring! Ugh.

Also I’ve meant to go watch more HGTV this morning but I’m in a typing mood at the moment. I’m just preferred to type something down instead. Problem is I can’t seem to type my stories I’ve thought of down for stories. This sucks big time when I’m stuck with my thoughts as a result. Ugh.

Plus baby cute kitten has gone to my bed to snooze. She looks cute when she’s curled up in a ball on my bed. What a cute kitten aw! I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute!

I’m officially depressed mostly because I’m broke and dying to spend money off stuff online. This sucks big time when I have bills to pay and it makes me broke as heck. Ugh I know that the bank doesn’t do weekends or Sundays either. Ugh again hence i have to wait till Monday to see if my bills get paid so I can have some money left to spend online frivolous stuff.

I hate weekends because practically every store and town library is closed leaving me depressed and sad. Plus I spend too much money off internet stuff and wound up broke before the day is over after I get my bills paid. This sucks big time!

It sucks big time when I get depressed on weekends and spend too much money off stuff online. Sometimes I wound up getting overdrawn as a result. Sometimes I do that shitty spending out of depression. Ugh. I just hate weekends because they depresses me. I don’t care for weekends. Yuck weekends!

Also baby cute kitten isn’t around to help my depressed mood. She’s busy hiding in a closet again involving snoozing and avoiding me slobbering her with kisses and hugs. Dumb cat dumb animal or smart kitty to do that avoidance ugh.

I’m really depressed today. I just can’t shake my sad mood. This sucks. This is terrible big time.

Also I keep on hoping to spend money off stuff online but I don’t have to spare despite paying my bills. This further depresses me when I don’t have much money left into my bank account. Ugh.

I’m further depressed on the fact that I don’t have much money to spend or that if I spend money I don’t have I’ll get further depressed. The depression isn’t what I had in mind today.

Ugh again.

Plus Maureen isn’t online Facebook like I hoped she would for a chat. She’s been ignoring Facebook for hours so far. This ignorance depresses me as a result and makes me sad. Ugh kind of wonder what’s Maureen found so important today to bother being online? This sucks when she’s not online much today. Oh well.

I could have text emailed Janet about my depression mood but I don’t know what to say to her about my mood. The lack of chatting to Janet isn’t what I had in mind. Ugh I don’t know why’s I couldn’t tell Janet that I’m depressed on the weekends.

Oh this stink big time!

Barnes and Noble are running a promotion of teens’ books buy two get third free. I’ve saved three books onto my saved list to purchase once I’ve gotten the money for the books. I figured I’ll just wait till Monday to bother to spend money I don’t have now.

Ugh hate this waiting for money. It sucks.

Oh mom’s on vacation this week but today’s her last day of vacation. Yay her! At least she can go back to work and I can stop being pestered to phone her every damn morning and evening. Ugh this pesky phoning is the pits anyway. It means I have to get up early in the morning and text email mom then sit around waiting forever for a fucking text email reply for phoning.

Ugh really annoying too at night. I have to sit around friends with my damn cell phone at night waiting forever for word from mom. She’s terrible with her text emailing me like I expected her to do. She mostly stalls on that text emailing at night by giving me excuses when she’s on the phone. She’s so rude!

I’ve meant to go text email dad some silly request but I don’t know what to say to him. This lack of saying anything to dad isn’t what I had in mind. Ugh. All I can say to dad is that I’m depressed today but he won’t be much help in that department. Mostly he’ll reply with a sarcastic comment making me further sad as a result. He’s terrible big time when he replies to my text emails.


So I might as well wait till later is when I'm sure all my bills are cleared before I frivolously spend money. I think I might have to wait later than Monday for that frivolous spending of stuff that I want online. It sucks big time when I got bills. Ugh!

I hate being depressed. Ugh.

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An Elephant and a donkey.

Sep. 27th, 2016 | 11:20 am
mood: sarcastic

Ugh I’ve got a week till next week’s Monday is when I’ll get my monthly deposit to pay for some bills including buying some stuff. This sucks big time when I’m broke. Ugh don’t like that shitty brokenness at the moment. Ugh.

Also stayed up till like eleven o’clock talking to Maureen via cell phone in Facebook. Maureen ended chat around that time for bed. I wound up just going to bed myself.

I slept like a log actually. I think I was really tired or sore from all that walking yesterday that I slept soundly. It was nice to have the cutest cat cuddling me. Aw baby cute kitten had a grooming season then after that curled up next to me and slept. Love my cute baby kitten bunches. Aw.

Also I had a weird dream involving me going to the porch door and opening the sliding door but leaving the screen in place to have a conversation with someone. I wound up having a hallucination of someone in an office I was talking to via desk instead of standing onto my porch.

Ugh also I wound up writing some notes via post it notes to stick to the sliding door. Then once that talk was over I realized it was a hallucination and went to sit down TV watching.

I wound up sitting via pappasan chair and having myself watch TV in my bedroom on my bookcase watching something then I got cold and went into my living room to further TV watch some more. I’m not entirely sure of what’s the point of that dream anyway. Ugh.

Plus the position of the TV in my bedroom isn’t proper for cable service to hit, mom text.

I wound up opening windows during mom’s mumble fest and talking too fast according to the operator. Mom insisted I view tonight’s debate between Donald the donkey and hilly Hillary both candidates. I still don’t care for either one of them. Yuck.

I called Donald Trump a donkey who brays nothing but hot air and a terrible windbag to mom via phone. Mom scolded me for being not nice to people and that calling people names was not nice but rude. Ugh really annoying!

Ooh I’ve been sick in the bathroom with diarrhea and number two that’s gotten the voice going with its annoying chanting. Ugh not entirely sure if yesterday’s food is reason’s why’s I’m sick today. This sucks big time.

Also auntie Sandy hangs around health care personal so she could have passed onto me some damned sickness. I don’t know if the sicknesses was that or the food prepared at the big E was reason why’s I’m sick today. Ugh this stinks.

I went to the big e yesterday with Auntie Sandy driving. I wound up bringing a book by Victoria Beckham with me into my purse. The big e was fine as far as I know of but it was way too crowded for my standards.

Plus I suffered a voice attack that triggered my paranoia too much. The crowds bothered my paranoia enough to make me want to have a screaming fit in response to that inner noise’s problem. I was tempted to scream a few times in response to mom’s stalling on leaving with the auntie. Ugh.

I wound up reading more of Beckham’s book in the car ride to home. At home I went onto the computer and edited this story out of needing to do something to get my mind off the inner noises and paranoia. I think the pill I took at four fifty in afternoon helped or kicked in that I quit being paranoid by the voice. Well nice!

I wound up eating dinner including piglet eating pretzels. This sucks big time when that salt of that food is bound to make my tinnitus noisy tonight. Ugh really annoying!

Also baby cute kitten came out of hiding at the moment and got snatched up for a nice hug and kisses. She tolerated that fine but was squirmy in my arms. I guess that the baby cat wasn’t in the mood for a hug fest or kisses fest. Poor cute baby kitten!

I’ve meant to go text email people but I don’t know what to say to whoever cares to listen to me and my text emailing whining of my life. This sucks!

I’ve been trying to reach mom via phone tonight but she’s ignoring me and balking text emailing me like I expected her to do. She’s so rude crude Gertrude!


Not happy with miss phone ignorance involving the damn fucking phone ignorance games onto me tonight. Not happy with her at the moment. Feel like swearing profanities till I’m blue in the face onto her answering machine. But the fucking operator will hang up the phone and balk leaving my fucking profanity laced message. Fuck the operator fuck mom!

Also I had salty foods for dinner so I’m bound to have loud tinnitus as a result enough to bother me hence I’m on the computer fooling around. I’m just trying to do story’s talk or type some damn story but I’m never in the mood for that shitty typing. I’m usually in the mood for typing my damn thoughts down. Ugh. This sucks big time when my thoughts is all I can type down and that’s about it.

Argh! I prefer to type a story down instead of something involving my own thoughts. This sucks big time when I can’t type much stories down like I hoped. That included finishing some stories or making them longer despite making short stories already. Ugh. This is terrible big time when I’m stuck with my own thoughts instead of stories. Oh well.

Baby cute kitten has gone to snooze underneath the desk. Cutie looks cute tummy sitting there with chin onto the floor. What a cute kitten! Love that little munchkin bunches.

I aimed to at seven o’clock ring mom up to whine of her damn phone ignorance behavior onto me tonight. She’s so rude when she’s playing phone ignorance games onto me tonight. I don’t appreciate that shitty behavior anyway. Ugh.

I phoned mom around seven o’clock at the moment she text emailed me. Ugh! I was on the phone for over an hour almost ninety minutes. Ugh again.

Also tonight is a damn debate between hilly Hillary and Donald the donkey. I don’t know if I should bother watching either one of them insult each other. It sucks.

Plus the schizophrenia has been blaring Donald the donkey as the winner of that presidential title contest. Ugh hasn’t been wrong on that before when it comes to contests I’ve seen on TV. The schizophrenia has been blaring the results of contests multiple times enough to annoy me and annoy me of not watching any of those contests. This sucks big time.

It’s like the schizophrenia blaring the results of the men’s team final in gymnastics. The schizophrenia kept on blaring the results of first and second places over and over. Ugh annoying me to no end and annoyed me too much to be stressed out as a result. Yuck.

Lucky me the USA men’s team placed fifth which is always the lucky spot for the USA women’s team. Whenever the USA men’s team placed fifth in Olympics the USA women’s team always won gold the next day in women’s gymnastics team final.

The men’s fifth place placing is sort of like a good luck charm I’m not going to have it break. I’m hoping this good luck charm will continue into the Tokyo Olympics. Seems nice!

Baby cute kitten has gone to snooze on top of my bed at the moment. Cutie looks cute curled up in a ball on my bed. What a cute kitten! I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute aw!

Tonight’s the debate between hilly Hillary and Donald the donkey. Ugh I’m not sure if I should bother watching that shitty debate but I think I should have the TV onto that debate’s channel and type my thoughts down onto the computer out of boredom. It sucks.

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Voice and computer

Aug. 24th, 2016 | 04:40 pm
mood: typing

I wound up with the voice attacking me one night. I think I was trying to read a magazine is when the voice picked onto me. This sucks big time when I had to go onto the computer and just edit one story out of needing something to do. Ugh.

I find at night when I try to read a book or magazine with the TV on blaring the voice interferes and picks onto me. Mostly triggering my paranoia to go off a few times including making me too scared to sleep as a result.

I couldn’t sleep with the voice picking onto me so I edited one story out of needing something to do. The voice is terrible big time when it scares me from going to bed sleeping the noise off. Ugh. I didn’t bother with bed instead went onto the computer as a result. Ugh again.

I used to spend time in bed trying to sleep off those voiced attacks. I sort of gave up the bed as a result of trying to sleep them off. I don't bother with sleeping in bed when I'm suffering from the voice's attacks. Instead I go onto the computer and edit some muse talk stories out of needing something to occupy my mind.

I find when I have the voice attacking me the computer is the only way I can shake off the inner noises. I can’t seem to use books to read or magazines. I’m not entirely sure of how a computer can help me with the inner noises. I’m not sure why’s the computer is what’s successful in shaking off the inner noises’ attacks. Ugh.

Also I mostly use a computer when I'm home sick from voice's attacks while out walking around. Ugh. I don't know why I can't seem to bother to use a book or a magazine for those voice's attacks. I tend to use the computer as a result. Oh well.

I wound up using the computer when I recalled withdrawn from medicines involving surgery done onto me. I had a voice attack as a result of withdrawing from the medicines for putting me down asleep.

I was really creep out that I couldn't do much besides staying home reading tons of muse talk. I wound up using the computer all day while the voice picked onto me including making me nervous. Ugh. Plus I think around midnight is when the voice quit bothering me enough to go to bed and sleep off the attack of voice triggering my paranoia off. Ugh again.

Sometimes the voice's chanting can get to me enough to trigger my paranoia to go off the charts and make me upset. My paranoia is always off the charts by the voice whenever I walk a certain road route home. This sucks big time when I try to walk slow but wound up with the voice bothering me enough to get the paranoia off. Ugh as a result I have to walk fast as I can to get home quick as I can. Ugh this sucks.

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I'm bored...

Aug. 15th, 2016 | 07:27 pm
mood: boredbored

August Journal

8/1/16 Monday
Ugh it’s going to take till Wednesday is when I’ll get my monthly deposit. It sucks big time when the time is going to take forever before I get my monthly deposit. Ugh really annoying. Ugh.

Also baby cutie needs a vet appointment as made. I already made one for her for the fifteenth on that week’s Monday. Anyway baby cutie has been scratching herself all over the place including lots of grooming. Poor kitty I guess. Aw.

Mom assumes that the laundry detergent is making cutie allergies or something involving laundry’s dryer sheets. It sucks big time when I’m not sure of what’s going on with the furry cutie. Poor baby kitten. Aw.

Anyway I noticed some areas on my ankles that appear to be bug bites. I’m not sure what’s going on with those bugged bites. It sucks big time when I’m not sure if I’ve got a mosquito hanging around here or its bed bugs. Ugh don’t know which is which. It sucks.

Baby cutie is so cute when she tummy sits to TV watch her version of cat’s TV. She’s cute when she does that tummy sitting thing. What a baby cute kitten!

I wound up fed up with reading books today. I haven’t read an e-book or a paper book today. I did purchase a few e-books by Nora Roberts. Anyway that’s nice I guess.


Anyway I aim to read those Nora Roberts’ e-books when I get the chance to do it. Ugh just not tonight because I’m fed up with e-books tonight. This sucks big time when I’m fed up with e-books enough to not read anything tonight. Ugh sucks anyway.

I wound up text emailed by Maureen who text emailed me some photos of her cat Sable. Anyway I replied with some photos of my cat Sam. Cutie was fine posing for photos but I think she doesn’t like the flash of my cell phone. Poor cute baby kitten aw.

Speaking of the cute baby kitten she’s gone to sit on top of the armchair pleased with herself. She’s seems to like sitting on top of there especially tummy sitting too. She’s so cute when her tummy sits there. She makes it tempting to rub my hands onto her cute furry back including slobbering her with kisses on top of her cute furry head. What a cute kitten.

Baby kitten tolerated those head kisses like champ including sticking her tail up when I rubbed hands onto her back. She’s so cute when she’s tolerant. Aw cute!

Also I think the baby cat sort of tolerates those head kisses on top of her head fine but I think their not her favorite thing to get from me. She always lowers her head whenever I kiss the top of her head like she doesn’t like it. Poor kitty I guess I’ll just slobber her with kisses onto her snout. She’s tolerant of that.

Baby cute kitten’s gone to snooze on top of the armchair at the moment. She looks really relaxed while onto there. Aw cute I guess.

8/2/16 Tuesday
Ugh crashed around eleven thirty last night. I think I woke up due to bladder urge. It sucked big time when I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. Ugh terrible.

Also meant to go read a book today but I’m not so sure if I should bother. It’s terrible big time when I’m not sure if I should bother reading anything this morning. Ugh its early around six thirty but I have yet to get into the mood for a book. Oh well this stinks anyway.

I snatched the baby cute kitten up for a nice hug. She licked my nose then threw herself out of my arms. I guess she wasn’t in the mood for a cuddle. Poor kitty dumb me for assuming that cuddled bummed status from the cutie. Aw.

Speaking of the baby cat she’s sitting on the armchair. I think she spent the whole night snoozing on top of the armchair top because she was there this morning. I’m just assuming that the baby munchkin snoozed there the whole night. It’s a pity that the kitty likes to snooze wherever she can even when she’s cute.

Baby cat was cutely petted then snatched up for a nice hug. She licked my nose then insisted on being put down. Poor kitten. Aw I put her down which she wandered elsewhere. Poor baby cute kitten having to put up with that hugged status from me. Aw love that little fur ball galore. She’s so cute.

I’ve got the TV onto CBS’s local news. I don’t feel up to NBC’s local news this morning. I’ll watch that at eleven o’clock or so like clockwork. Ugh. Hence I’m stuck with watching CBS for awhile this morning till like ten o’clock is when I aim to go to NBC and view their Olympics’ fuss. Ugh.

Ugh the Olympics coming on Friday involving summer in Rio in Brazil. I used Brazil the site of a vampire stronghold in a story including the city of Rio but I invented some other stuff. It’s just my taste involving the country of Brazil and stuff. Oh well.

Plus the American Girl Doll company got into that Brazil theme of the Olympics by having a doll themed the rain forest and stuff like that. Ugh I know that Brazil influenced their doll and themed involving that toy. It’s just really weird that people are willing to do what they can involving themes with Brazil and capitalized onto the Olympics coming to Brazil. Cute idea I guess. Ugh.

Baby cute kitten has wandered elsewhere at the moment. Not sure where’s she went. Poor kitty must be annoyed with me involving petting and hugged status including slobbering kisses. Poor kitten.

The weather is going to rain hard today. Yuck but we Humans on earth need the damn rain. It sucks big time when today’s weather is raining like nuts. Don’t care too much for that shitty rain but its necessary to get water.

Ugh to rain.

Also I was hoping on traveling outside to walk somewhere like eating out but I doubt I would do that. Ugh also Dad expects me to feed his kitties at seven o’clock tonight. I’m not looking forwards to that cats’ feeding chore tonight even with the fucking rain. Yuck.

Ooh I also have a nurse’s visit today according to my calendar. Ugh have to stay home and entertain myself till nurse’s visit then after that’s done go out for a walk assuming the weather isn’t that much.

I haven’t been outside in awhile. I think not in two days have I’ve been outside. I do hope I can avoid the damn cabin fever I seem to have. Ugh. Also hoping I can wander around maybe redoes laundry for my clothes. I don’t know if I’ll get outside at all or not. Oh well.

Ugh I’m going to be glued to NBC for awhile once the Olympics start. I think the opening ceremonies are on Friday followed by the Olympics’ events. Nice I guess. Can’t wait to see the fuss involving the Olympics quit and focus onto the events. It’s annoying when NBC every five minutes mentions the Olympics. Ugh really annoying!

Ugh I have no idea if there’ll be a soap opera on NBC during the Olympics. I know that NBC at noon has a soap opera called “Days of our lives.” I have no idea if the Olympics will preempt that soap opera or not. Ugh sucks big time.

Also I know that the Olympics will preempt Ellen’s show as a result. Ugh means I won’t have any much to watch on NBC for awhile. Ugh this stink big time when the Olympics preempt talk shows and make people crazy for the games. Ooh not what I had in mind.

I’ve meant to go watch the Olympics’ sporting event involving gymnastics but I’m not so sure if I can view that without stressing myself out involving the results of the games. Ugh this is terrible big time when I stress myself out involving sporting events. Yuck anyway.

Also when it comes to the women’s team final in gymnastics I keep hearing the voice chant Russia as the winner. The voice’s been chanting that word in response to that country as the winner of the gold. It’s been chanting Japan as the women’s soccer gold medal winner. The schizophrenia claims that the women’s team from USA won’t have the heart to win gold instead lose of purpose. I hope not.


I’ve meant to go shower and get myself presentable for the nurse. Also meant to go text email the nurse then sit around waiting forever for her arrival. Ugh just the pits when I’m stuck at home today waiting for the nurse’s arrival. Oh well nothing I can do involving that except just do what I say to mom grit my teeth and bare it.

Baby cutie’s gone to hide somewhere. Not so sure of where’s the baby cat went off too.

Baby cutie’s cute when she’s tolerant of those hugged statuses onto her including my kisses. I love that involving the baby cute kitten. What a cute baby cat. Aw.

I wound up showering then fooling around online. Ugh nurse text emailed me that she wants to see me on Thursday instead of today. Ugh I guess I can go out for that walk and eat out for lunch. It’ll mean dipping into my emergency stash. It sucks big time.

Baby cutie got onto my lap from the chair then got onto the armchair to give herself a bath. She’s so cute when she’s on my lap but her butt smells. She stinks of cat pee to me. PU stinky cat smells ugh of Dumperium stink. Yuck.

I text emailed Maureen who ignored me via Facebook. I guess she’s on her cell phone posting crappy stuff involving political humor and her point of views. Some of her stuff is crap I don’t care to like but other times some of her stuff is something I don’t mind. Oh well pity Maureen anyway.

Baby kitten’s gone to groom herself while sitting on my armchair. Cutie looks cute sitting human style. What a cute baby kitten love to slobber her with kisses and hugs. She’s so tolerant of that. Aw.

I’ve meant to go read a damn book but I’m not in the mood to bother. I spent the previous weekend binge reading a damn book so I’m fed up on Monday yesterday including fed up today. I don’t know when I’ll get into the mood for book reading again. Ugh really.

I’ve meant to go out for a walk but I’m not in the mood to bother. The weather’s been gloomy and raining enough to bug me to avoid going out as a result. The weather sucks big time anyway.

Also I wound up with the voice talking while I was trying to watch the TV. Ugh I don’t know if I would go out even with those inner noises or not. The inner noise is terrible big time when I let that dictate what to do today. Ugh.

Maybe I’ll just go to the dumpster and that’s about it. Also try to clean the apartment of messes in here just to make Maureen happy about that. She talked to me via Facebook of me cleaning the apartment and having Eddie watching me doing that job. Ugh nice.

Lunch today was crappy. I could barely eat anything decent besides cheese and chocolate spread. Ugh I could have eaten something else but I don’t have much into my kitchen for food eating. This sucks big time when I don’t have much to eat food wise. Ugh oh well.

Baby kitten wound up sitting onto the armchair bathing herself. She wound up the reception of petting rubbing and patting. Cutely tolerant is her cuteness of those attentions I slobbered onto her. Anyway cutie is currently bathing herself again as usual. What a cute kitten. Love her galore!

Baby cutie is so cute when slobbered with kisses and gathered into my arms for hug fests. She’s so tolerant of that. I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute.

“Carp, crap” I’m hearing from the schizophrenia.
I used that word crap for something in a conversation with Maureen today.
I said “Watching NBC crap.”
Maureen replied with some forgettable comment. I don’t remember much of that.

Also Maureen has to go to CVS for stuff then stop by Home Depot for more stuff. Ah pity Maureen is busy today with that. Oh well. It sucks big time when Maureen is unable to come up and see me for a lunch date. Ugh I like our luncheons together. Their great fun anyway that I don’t mind.


Tonight after phoning mom I have to go to dad’s house to feed his fur balls then once that’s done I’ll go home shower cold then relax. Ugh I already posted that cats feeding chore via cell phone so that shouldn’t be a problem to remind me of that shitty chore.

Ugh nice.

I fed the baby kitten some dry food. Her bowl was empty so I gave her some more food. I figured she’ll be happy as a clam to have the food to eat. Cute!

Already been outside its not that hot or humid outside instead its chilly outside. I just don’t get it why do some people have air conditioners running at this time. Ugh it’s chilly outside like nuts. Chilly enough to wear a pair of pants but warm for shorts. The weather sure does seem like it’ll rain later by the gloomy sky. Yuck.

Also I’m tired just am. I’m tired enough to take a nice nap if I can take one. I tried this morning but I couldn’t sleep as a result. Ugh I guess I slept enough hours or something like that shitty fact that I couldn’t sleep much this morning. Ugh that six o’clock wake up wasn’t what I had in mind. Ugh again.

I received my cable bill. Yay I except I have to go pay for it once I get my monthly deposit. It sucks terribly on having to wait till I get my monthly deposit deposited into my bank account. Ugh.

Also I’ve wasted money into my bank account buying all those damned e-books that I only got like ten bucks and some change left into my bank account. I do have ninety dollars saved into book safe but I preferred to save that for Sam’s vet bill when I take her for an appointment on Monday the fifteenth of August. Ugh the vet isn’t going to be appealing to cutie anyway. Poor kitten.

Plus I was hoping on saving my money into book safe. Mostly I ignoring that money in book safe and not touching it for anything. I’m so sick and tired of something popping up for me to touch that money. It’s annoying!

8/9/16 Tuesday
Ugh really annoying when the schizophrenia is blaring the results of who’ll win the gymnastics competition to me. The voice blared “Japan” as the winner and was correct on that. Ugh really annoying!

Also the voice keeps claiming “USA flubs beam.”
The schizophrenia means that the USA will fall off the beam and finish in third place bronze medal position while Russia wins the gold by default. Ugh.

I’m not wasting my breath viewing the gymnastics competition or bothering to check twitter for that shitty competition involving women’s team final. Ugh it sucks.

Anyway I received an email from the town library reminding me of a book due on the sixteenth of August. Ugh the book is “City of Fallen Angels” by Cassandra Clare. Ugh again.

Also I figured since that book “City of Fallen Angels” is due in a week’s time frame I might as well spend the car ride to Wethersfield and back to home reading that damn book. It shouldn’t be a problem anyway for me to read that book and finally be done with that damn thing. The book is an unfinished book I’m hoping to finish soon. Ugh.

Anyway I wound up with a slight sweaty status while reading the cell phone’s twitter account for the gymnastics competition involving the USA men competing in the men’s team final. They placed fifth like I hoped. Yay them!

Traditionally when the USA men place fifth the USA women have won gold the next day. I figured maybe that tradition will continue I’m hoping. Ugh just hoping on that anyway. Ugh oh well.

I know that mom has today off from work. She won’t be able to see me because of me going to Wethersfield for a hearing ear doctor’s appointment. I’m to have a hearing test then after that get my ears examined. Seems nice! I do hope I don’t have wax in my damn ears. Yuck!

Maureen’s online Facebook posting stuff and hasn’t acknowledged my text emails I sent her earlier. Ugh she sucks big time when she’s doing ignorance. Ugh!

Also I sent mom a text email but she ignored me so far. Really annoying!

I wound up finishing this library book “City of Fallen Angels.” I found that book had previews to other books in that Shadowhunters series by Cassandra Clare. The previews seemed interesting enough to wet my whistle for those books. Ugh.

I’m considering buying the e-book versions of Cassandra Clare’s series involving the Shadowhunters. The series so far is really good from what I’ve read enough to be impressed with it. This series sounds good to me anyway. Oh well.

Anyway I’m determined to stay up watching the gymnastics competition involving women’s team final despite that’s a taped event. Ugh their making swimming being live at the moment while using taped delayed for gymnastics. This sucks big time when the NBC channel does that. Ugh.

I read today a great deal of this library book a part of the Lorien Legacies series called “United as One” by Pittacus Lore. I read that book till like I’m one hundred and fifty three pages away from finishing that book. I might as well bring “United as One” to my doctor’s appointment on Thursday at 10:30 a.m.

Ugh meant getting up early for that. I’m not looking forwards to getting up that early for that appointment or that sleeping in bed is going to be a bad night stressful actually. This stress sucks big time.

Also I’m hoping that mom would come up on Thursday to my doctor’s office to drive me around including lunch out with her. Ugh.

I don’t want to walk home really. I just don’t because every time I walk a certain road the voice attacks me and bothers my paranoia. This as a result once I get home I shower cold and focus onto the air conditioner if its summer time. I sometimes use the heat if I’m cold in winter time.

Ugh! I hate it when the voice attacks me during that walk to home on that road! Yuck!

8/10/16 Wednesday
I used the air conditioner till like six o’clock is when I quit that thing. I thought that air of that thing was aggravating the schizophrenia. The voice is blaring at the moment. Ugh.

Also all NBC news has is about this damned tornado that hit North Haven. Ugh can’t they discus something else than that stinking weather?! They suck big time anyway.

Ooh I’ve meant to go watch the Olympics tonight but I doubt that I would watch the men’s all around. I know who won that event and that Japan is the winner actually. Anyway that’s nice that Japan won. Yay for Japan!

I was rooting for Japan to win the all around title in men’s gymnastics. They already had a previous winner from last Olympics competing into this Olympics so I wanted him to win. This Japanese guy actually did win that title. Yay for him!

Also I text emailed mom to text email me for phoning tonight. I think she’s working overtime because of that stinking tornado that hit North Haven. Ugh either that or she’s just trying to get home safety despite the terrible weather hitting the state.

Ugh really annoying when mom doesn’t get back to me ASAP like I expected her to do. This really irks me and makes me annoyed with her as a result. Ugh how annoying!

I sent a text email to Janet this morning “Yesterday I went to Wethersfield for a hearing ear test. My hearing is almost gone from me. Dad’s considering me for a cochlear implant. After that was done we went grocery shopping in Winsted. I bought food then went home. Oh I should add I finished a library book “City of Fallen Angels” by Cassandra Clare. I’m like halfway thru another library book “United as One” by Pittacus Lore. Should finish that soon.”

Janet’s response “Oh I know of kids with cochlear implants. Good luck.”
Ugh just wonder why’s she’s not that talkative to me via text emails in Facebook. She sucks big time when I’m talkative but Janet’s not. Ugh.

I sent Maureen a text email via Facebook this morning that has yet to bother to read that. I think she’s in Florida for the remainder of the week into the weekend. Ugh mostly fixing up her Father in law’s house for selling including taking some stuff out for shipping to her house. Ugh.

“Hi Maureen
I wound up staying up late as midnight watching the gymnastics competition involving the women’s team final. The USA women won the title. Russia placed second while China was third.
I don’t have much planned for today other than an early bedtime tomorrow for 1030am appt with my mental health doctor Thursday. Ugh.
I think my kitty is sick with something. She’s hasn’t been social lately and has been hiding underneath a chair in my bedroom too much. I already wrote some notes on her being sick. Ugh. She’s got a vet appt on Monday at 415pm. Just hope she’s just having allergies.
Ttyl8r on flip side.”

It makes me depressed when mom balks replying ASAP with a text email like I expected her to do. She’s so rude with her damned phone ignorance onto me tonight. She was free in the morning but tonight she’s being rude. Ugh.

All I have to show tonight is being sick in the bathroom with number two. This bathroom sickness is making me depressed. Ugh I noticed I get depressed after multiple number twos in the bathroom. This sucks when I wound up with that shitty problem of depression. Ugh sucks big time.

I phoned mom to whine to her answering machine of her lack of response to my pleas for a phone call “Its miss potty mouth can’t you bother to pickup the damn phone when I ring you up or bother to text email me?! I’m not staying up watching Olympics. I got a 1030am appointment tomorrow I’m to walk to.”
Well not really quoting myself just saying what I assumed I said.

Ugh mom’s is really rude with her damn phone manners. She sucks big time when she’s playing phone games onto me tonight. Really rude!

8/11/16 Thursday
Ugh had a weird dream that seemed like a fan fiction story involving Harry Potter series. The dream is very weird but I don’t even know what to make of it. Ugh plus the world I saw seemed more realistic than Harry Potter’s world. It sucks.

Anyway baby cutie wound up hiding during the whole day. She came out while I was on the phone with mom to stuff her face then resumed hiding. Poor cutie hates stormy weather. Aw cute but she was lap happy last night. She got onto my lap and pinned me with her claws ugh. She did lick my arms in response to that. Aw poor kitty.

Around ten o’clock I booted the baby cat off my lap and went to bed. I woke up around six thirty by myself because I had to get up early as a result. Ugh more likely getting up for bathroom. I tried to snooze a nap after that but I think I managed fifteen minutes.

Ugh sucks big time.

I opened a request onto eBay for not getting my book I ordered off eBay ASAP. It sucks big time when the time frame of arrival for that book has passed and I haven’t received it yet. I did try to be polite with the email to the seller. Ugh I don’t get it why’s the seller hasn’t sent the book yet. The seller sucks big time.

Also I hope I don’t lose money as a result of that opening a case for not receiving my book yet. Humph!

I don’t care for selling stuff online eBay because I always lose money from there. I hate eBay as a result. I just do anyway.

Also I lost money off eBay from some selling a doll which I was ripped off by Nualla McDonnell by her claiming she didn’t give me an address that was to Ireland. I had an address to some place and Nualla ripped me off by claiming she didn’t give me that address. Really annoying when I lost as a result and wasn’t able to have the money. Ugh.

Also I wound up losing half a huge price of money because one buyer demanded half the money back for fixing a doll’s head. I don’t find it amusing when I get ripped off as a result from the buyers from eBay. I just don’t care for eBay as a result. Yuck!

I hate eBay as a result I always losing money off eBay. I don’t win as a result when it comes to eBay’s money factors. This is rather annoying when I’m a loser involving eBay’s money factors. Ugh. Not happy about that shit at all.

I text emailed mom to text email me but she’s ignoring me so far. Really rude!

Plus I’ve got an appointment in town at ten thirty I’m stuck walking to. The walk sucks big time. Also that appointment is for my mental health issues. Ugh don’t care too much for those appointments. Yuck they always last like five minutes and that’s about it. I pretty much preferred to talk via phone than see this doctor in person. Ugh really.

Ugh the weather today is questionable for me to walk in. The weather today will be hot in temperatures and humidity too including some thunderstorms. Yucky weather I don’t want to walk in it. Ugh not what I had in mind.

Last night I wound up constipated as a result. I couldn’t go to the bathroom so I slept that off. Today I broke that constipation. Yay me! Disgusting subject but I’m not sure why’s I’m mentioning it. Ugh!

Baby cutie hid again I guess in response to that damned stormy weather predicted to hit today. Ugh dumb cat dumb animal. Pity the kitty.

I’ve managed to rope dad into driving me around but he gave some resistance to that driving’s shit. He sucks big time when he does that shitty resistance. Ugh oh well.

Anyway I went to the doctor’s office for an appointment. The regular secretary wasn’t there but another lady was. I was there for like thirty minutes. I had to wait ten minutes past my appointment time for seeing the damn doctor. Ugh.

Also the appointment was fine with written notes and stuff. Not much to fill in my time.

After the appointment dad got me to the town library where I checked out Cassandra Clare’s book five of “The Mortal Instruments series” called “City of Lost Souls.” I thought I would read and see how that book goes. Ugh seems nice.

Anyway I rechecked out that book “United as One” by Pittacus Lore book seven of “The Lorien Legacies series.” I’m not keen on reading the other books in the series hence I skipping them for book seven to figure out what’s the conclusion of that series is going to be. I do hope the ending’s not a damn cliffhanger for book eight or anything like that shit.


After town library I went to CVS for pill refills then I went home. I wound up ringing mom up via phone around noon after eating some food I wasn’t too hungry for. It sucked big time when I was sick with constipation and number two today.

Ugh hence my lousy appetite for food today. Yuck.

Also I’ve been feeling constipation since last night. I wound up having that break around eight o’clock this morning that nearly ruined my appetite for food. I wound up sick with number two once home from being out. This sickness was the same thing hitting me while I was off the phone with mom. Ugh hate that shitty fact I have a shitty problem.

Mom picked up when I ranged her around noon. I was on the phone for almost an hour then I got off at the stop keying symbol and wound up sick in the bathroom. I wound up with heavy number two. This heaviness sucks big time when I’m not sure what’s going on within me and my eating food. Ugh just don’t care for this at all today. Yuck.

Mom whined via phone that she was cleaning and planning on going out for a read via car. Ugh its really hot outside hence I’ve got the air conditioner running at the moment.

Baby cutie came out of hiding and got onto my lap to demand attention from me. Cute baby kitten is currently sitting onto my desk on her butt while I’m typing this down. Cutie looks cute when she butts sits.

She’s such a cutesy cat. I love that bundle fondle of fur munchkin so much. Aw love that bundle of fur so much aw!

Baby kitten had a sniff fest with the computer desk then after that went to stand next to the computer’s screen. She’s mostly butting sitting. Cute I guess.

I love my baby bundle fondle of fur munchkin galore. She’s so cute when slobbered with kisses and hugged fests galore. I love to slobber that furball with kisses and hug her a lot into my arms. She’s so tolerant of those kissy faced kisses and huggy hugged statuses from me. I like that from a baby bundle of fur.

Baby kitten went to the armchair then the couch and is sitting onto the couch peering out the window. What a cutie!

Speaking of typing I’ve meant to go phone miss phone ignorance my mother via phone at six o’clock. Ugh I’m not so sure if she’ll pickup the damn phone at that time despite the temperatures is hot and humid outside. Yuck hence I’m stuck using the air conditioner for a few days. Not till this damned heat and humidity blows over soon ASAP. I can’t wait!

Ugh terrible weather hitting the state at the moment. Yuck!

This sucks big time when this weather makes mom phone shy as a result. Ugh could do without that phone shyness shit. Mom’s terrible big time when’s she’s not communicating back to me ASAP even via cell phone text email too.


Baby cute kitten’s gone to sit onto the couch’s back and either peering out the window or just watching I type onto the computer. Baby kitten looks cute when she’s tummy sitting there. I like it when the cutie tummy sits. She’s so cute enough to rub her furry back with my hand. I like that occasionally.

8/15/16 Monday
Today’s Monday. Yay for today!

Ugh I’m not happy with today at the moment because cutie’s got a vet appointment to go to. Ugh she’s been scratching herself all over the place quite heavily. I do hope she doesn’t have fleas. It sucks big time when the fleas are picking onto her but not doing anything to me. Ugh really annoying.

Baby cat’s was in sight sitting via her cute dresser but she ran and hid as a result. Dumb cat now I have to scare her with the vacuum cleaner. That thing sucks big time when I have to do that scaring shit. Ugh.

Plus I got to go out and toss out the garbage. I racked up a pile via oven sitting on top of that thing. It sucks big time when I have to go out into the heat and toss out the garbage. Yucky chore anyway that it sucks.

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Jul. 17th, 2016 | 07:38 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

Today I finished an e-book called "Throne of Glass" by Sarah J. Maas. The book was actually already out on paperback or hardcover whichever. I wound up downloading the books via e-reader and just reading them galore when the mood hits me to read those e-books.


I wound up discovering my nook or e-reader had a limited storage involving magazines and e-books and TV series. It sucked big time to do lots of deleting of e-books TV series I haven't watched and magazines I could have read again but haven't in awhile. Ugh this sucks big time.

I also wound up from five hundred something e-books to now around three hundred something e-books of my favorites. The deleting wasn't making me a happy camper because of those e-books I have yet to read or get around to finishing them.

Ugh. I think I deleted some really good e-books I could have kept but I didn't bother. Oh well.

I think I deleted this autobiography by a singer I could have kept onto my e-reader but I wasn't impressed with that singer. I don't favor that singer when it comes to their music or singing styles or anything like that. I figured since I've read that e-book once I might as well deleted it. It was terrible time to do that deleting.

I think I might later read book two in the Throne of Glass series via e-reader. I already have like five books of that series so far downloaded I haven't bothered to read very much. I should really save that e-reader for books I've read and favored to carry copies with me instead of paper copies.

Ugh hate that when I'm not sure of what to do involving my likes towards books. I still favor paper books enough to read them. I also favor e-books enough to read them too. Ugh.

Mom is more of a paper book reader than an e-book reader. She favors reading books that are in paper forms more than reading books that are electronic forms. Poor momsy.

I'm just not so sure why's I'm favoring both electronic books and paper versions enough to read both from time to time. Just don't get it at all.

At least I finished a book today. Yay me!

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I'm bored...

Jun. 25th, 2016 | 02:26 pm
mood: boredbored

Thursday: Ugh I wound up crashing into bed around eleven o’clock something after a stupid House hunting TV show on TV. Ugh.

I wound up woken up around two thirty due to bladder urge as a result. Yuck. It sucked big time to wake up that early as a result. Yuck again.

Also I wound up hit with an idea to sleep on my tummy head cradled by my arms. It turned out to be a really bad idea because one arm went dead from the lack of blood flowing into there. The arm felt really dead when I came too from a weird dream. Ugh. I couldn’t feel anything involving that arm. As a result I wound up laying onto my side and felt all the blood rush into my arm. Ugh.

I resolved to myself to never sleep onto my stomach again unless it’s necessary. I’m not going to do that again hence my arm’s deadness says no to that. Yuck.

I wound up today tossing out the garbage then sorted my books. I more likely putting books into boxes and yanking them from a bookcase. I put the empty bookcase into the stairwell for anybody to have. I don’t give a damn involving that thing.

I did keep my books inside the apartment because I want to donate them to the town library when I get the chance to do it. Ugh.

Plus I’ve got a bunch of books for Maureen to either use or teach for classes or read for her pleasure. I aim to get those books to Maureen when the time’s possible. Ugh again.

I did text emailed dad about that bookcase in the stairwell. So I have no idea if he’ll want to get that damn thing or not. Oh well. No idea anyway.

Also I’m so glad to finally sort my damn books. I got a boxful for the town library including some for Maureen to use. Nice. Plus I’m so happy to get rid of a bookcase and books in it.


I had a bookcase that was full of books I wasn’t reading just cluttering up my bedroom actually. The bookcase was full of unread books so I pulled that bookcase out of my bedroom and put it in the hallway of the apartment. I replaced a bookcase in the hallway’s spot into the stairwell. That thing is useless anyway. Ugh.

After that I sort my books. I made a boxful of books I don’t care for. Some of those boxed books were on publishing for romance writing. I don’t care to publish my works as a romance author. I preferred to publish my works as a science fiction fantasy author instead with a touch of romance thrown into it. Ugh just my preference.

Seven o’clock the voice decided to aggravate me by chanting “Are you forgetting something? Paranoid feeling.”
I was hearing mostly the voice chanting over and over to annoy me. I thought the voice’s chant was because I was hot and tired and from stirring up all that damned dust around here. Ugh. Hence I showered as a result then got into pajamas. Ugh again.

Baby cutie is being friendly onto me tonight. I swear that cat wants something hence her friendly behavior. Ugh damn cat damn animal. Oh well baby cute kitten is so cute when slobbered with kisses and gathered into my arms for hug fests. She’s so tolerant of that behavior I give miss fur coat. Aw love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute.

At seven thirty I’m to ring mom up via phone. I do hope I actually reach her this time. I want to get this damned phone call over with tonight so I can relax. Also avoid the damned aggravations involving the friendship with my cell phone waiting forever for a text email from mom.

Ugh. I don’t like this phone game mom plays onto me when she tells me she’ll be free for phoning at a certain time but turns out to be a liar with her words. Ugh I hope she’s not a liar tonight. Humph I do hope I actually reach her via phone tonight.

I want to whine of my exhausting day today manipulating books and manipulating two bookcases. Ugh. Plus getting rid of a boxful of books for the town library including some books for Maureen to either read or use for her teaching. How nice of me I guess.

“It’s Beth who’s annoyed! Its 730p pickup the phone! I’m calling you! You told me to call at this time!”
My cell phone message to mom’s cell phone in response to mom’s rude phone ignorance done onto me tonight. Really rude!

Friday:Mom never got back to me phone wise last night. I was fiddling via cell phone for hours waiting forever for a text email till like ten o’clock is when I quit for bed. Ugh.

I slept fine as a result despite exhausted from the books’ moving and bookcases moving around. Ugh. I also meant to vacuum around here but I think the vacuum cleaner’s container is full and needs to be emptied. Ugh again. This sucks!

Plus I’m to expect Eddie’s visit today for bathroom cleaning. Ugh I do hope he comes and cleans the bathroom. I could use his help with the vacuum cleaner’s emptying the container. I’m still clueless on having to empty that thing’s container. Ugh!

Its even worse is that Maureen has been online Facebook but has been ignoring my pinging her or my previous messages. Really rude! I find that annoying and really rude crude Gertrude of her to do that to me. Humph!

Humph! I wound up with Eddie visiting me to clean the bathroom. Eddie whined of how dirty my bathroom was at a previous visit. I did try to clean that toilet and the tub the best I could just prior to his arrival. Ugh.

I also whined to Eddie on needing the vacuum’s canister emptied so he helped me unhook that thing then I tossed out the crap inside that canister. Ugh after that I vacuumed the living room but I didn’t do the bedroom. Damnation the bedroom needs vacuuming badly. Ugh again.

Also I have to sort that junk in the bedroom first before I do anything involving vacuuming into there. Ugh. I found junk in boxes and bags while in my bedroom sorting books yesterday. I wound up getting rid of a dozen books enough to fill into a box for books.

I even got some books for Maureen to either keep or use for her classes in Deaf Studies. I thought it’ll be nice of me to donate those books to her. I might ask for a fee of some payment price for the books because of how much money dad paid for some of them involving a deaf character. Hence I’m aiming to ask Maureen for money for those books. The others I found for Maureen are free but not the deaf books. I aim to ask for a fee anyway.

Also I bugged dad with a text email to take me out to lunch and errands. Dad balked the lunch but agreed to the errands. He took me out for errands around one o’clock. Nice.

I went to the town library to dump some books I donated. Then I went to find Anne Bishop’s books involving “The Others” series. I found two books by Kelley Armstrong that attracted my eye because the covers and books were twin to Bishop’s books. Hence I checked out four books as a result. Ugh.

Bishop’s book “Written in Red” is an unfinished book I’m hoping I would get around to finishing one of those damn days. Ugh hence I checking out that damn book to read and finish.

It sucks big time when I’m not able to finish a book. It’s mostly due to a lack of motivation to read and finish a book or not enough time for the book to be done before the due date of the library’s deadline. It sucks.

After library I went to CVS where I picked up my two prescriptions of Geodon and Prozac. Nice I guess.

After CVS was grocery shopping. I got some fruit including some frozen foods I normally eat. I figured it shouldn’t be a problem for me to eat some of that foods when I get around to it food wise. Ugh.

Also I got home and wound up stuffing my face of ice cream as a result of needing to cool down. I was hot from that hauling of groceries’ bags into the apartment. Ugh hence I eating something cold to cool down including drinking some lemonade like drink. It’s tasty stuff anyway.

Monday: Ugh I’ve got the air conditioner on running at the moment. I thought my hurting head was because I was hot. Ugh that air conditioner running is making me freeze as shit at the moment. Ugh really annoying!

Also I didn’t sleep very well last night. I kept waking up for every hour to pee. I think around the one o’clock hour or before that time is when I exchanged my water bottle to another one that was cleaned in the sink. I think I slept fine after that as a result but I did wake up around the six o’clock hour but remained asleep till the eight o’clock hour is when I got up.

Baby cutie wound up the reception of snatched up hug fests and kisses today. She cutely was tolerant of those hug fests and kisses. She kitty kissed me in response then looked at me with her wide eyes of pleading cutely. Aw what a cute kitten!

Nurse arrived around noon and saw me. Nice that my vitals were fine anyway Yay me. Also I wound up with the voice talking a bit during the nurse’s visit but I didn’t tell the nurse that. I think I was hot despite her visiting me.

Anyway after the nurse’s visit I wound up turning on the air conditioner. I thought my hurting head was a result of me being hot with the windows open. Ugh. The air conditioner on is making things freezing in here. It sucks big time when I would have to go outside for a nice walk and try to warm up as a result. Ugh.

Also HGTV is marathoning “Love it or List it” shit show on their channel. I hate the lunatic’s show on at two o’clock that replaced Meredith’s talk show. I pretty much preferred other shows to that lunatic’s talk show. Hence I leave the TV onto HGTV on at two o’clock to three o’clock is when I go to NBC and watch Ellen’s show. She’s entertaining anyway.

Baby cute kitten was curled up on my bed asleep when I stopped by her for a cuddle. I snatched her up for a hug and gave her cuteness some kisses. She was so tolerant of the kisses and hugs status I gave her. Aw what a cute kitten!

I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute when cuddled into a nice hug and kiss. I like to kiss the baby cat. I like to snuggle cuddles to the baby cute kitten. She’s so cute!

I wound up sick in the bathroom with heavy number two around two o’clock after eating some ice cream as a snack. Ugh. I’m not entirely sure of what brought that sickness on. It sucks big time when I wound up in the bathroom as a result. Yuck.

Also I saw Ellen’s show but it was a rerun involving this singer Justin Bieber. Ugh. I don’t mind Justin Bieber. He’s a nice singer but he’s kind of weird of hard core rock of something like extreme singing. Sort of like some female singer I know of that’s extreme with her singing and dancing. Ugh.

I know that female singer’s name but I forgot how to spell her first name. I do know her last name is Cyrus something like that but I’m not entirely sure of how to spell her first name. I think its Miley or something like Miles. It sucks big time when I’m not sure of that singer’s name as a result.

6/22/16 Wednesday
Ugh I wound up out with Dad to my doctor’s appointment in Hamden. I wound up examined by the doctor while I was there. The examination went fine. After that dad and I went out to eat an early dinner. Nice.

After that was a drive for dad to see the house his dad used to live in. The house looks like its undergone a makeover and looks nice I guess. Oh well.

The drive was to Cheshire to see Momsy at her work which she was happy about. I wound up buying mom a book “The Collector” by Nora Roberts. Book was on sale for a dollar off. Yay me!

Also I wound up buying myself a copy of “The fifth wave” by Rick Yancey. Nice book enough to get a copy myself as a result. I like to get the other two books in the trilogy when I get the chance to do that purchasing. Ugh.

After mom got off work I hung around mom as she went to the locker room to get her purse and followed her to the car. It was when the voice attacked me as a result. Ugh I thought I was hot or something like that shit I think. Ugh again.

I wound up following dad to the car where he drove to some music store in another town. I wound up taking my pill in the bathroom including number two. Also ate some food while around dad. I’m not sure if the sales clerk kicked dad out for me eating food or he was just being friendly. I could barely get it the sales clerk’s talk. Ugh the voice was attacking me at the time.

I got home with the voice attacking me very badly. I wound up sick in the bathroom with multiple number twos as a result despite the voice attacking me. Ugh.

I think I couldn’t sleep with the voice attacking me. I wound up editing muse talk multiple times including reading the diary of a saint. I found I felt much better from reading the Saint’s diary that I read a great deal of that book till I finished the first notebook in that book as marked.


I think around one o’clock or near two o’clock is when I wound up shaking that voice’s attack and slept fine in bed. Ugh don’t care too much for the voice’s attack as a result. Just don’t anyway.

After that bed sleeping I woke up around 10:30 a.m. in the morning with my paranoia aggravated and my stomach upset. Ugh. I’m not sure if I’m done with the attack of schizophrenia or if it’s just my paranoia aggravated again. It sucks big time.

Also wound up chatting with Maureen online Facebook me on my cell phone and she on the computer. Maureen ended chat as a result of needing to do some cleaning. She’s got a gather party on the weekend. Nice I guess.

I wound up eating some food as a result then after that I wound up onto the computer as a result of needing something to type. I thought I would type my thoughts down while hearing the voice’s wording attacking me at the moment. Ugh.

I swear the voice’s attack involves me having to go number two in the bathroom hence my constipation at the moment. Ugh sucks big time when I wound up with heavy gassy stuff in bed including this morning. It stinks big time when I wound up constipated as a result despite trying to go to the bathroom. Really don’t need this shitty constipation!

Also really don’t need this shitty voice attack today. Just don’t!

It’s really annoying when the voice chose to attack me enough to get my paranoia off the charts as a result. Ugh really don’t need this today. Ugh again.

“Are you forgetting some?” Over and over I’m hearing to my annoyance.
I wound up hearing this noisy problem since this morning despite sick in the bathroom with number two over and over.

Ugh I could use a break from the paranoia off the charts with the voice’s annoying blaring voice involving wording to creep me out. This sucks big time when I don’t feel good today. Ugh really annoying!

It’s tempting to order two books from Barnes and Noble’s website and hope they don’t fuck up my order. Ugh. I want to order the rest of “The fifth wave” series by Rick Yancey. I was hoping on ordering more books in that series in paper format. I don’t know if I would order the e-book versions. Oh well.

Also even rude is mom’s supposedly has today off from work but she didn’t bother to come up and see me. She didn’t bother to text email me this morning for a phone call at all. Really mom how rude can she get?!

Also I’m not happy with mom tonight. I’m just annoyed with her and her lack of phone manners. I do wish she would bother to text email me more often like requests for phoning or just some message involving how’s she’s doing. She sucks big time when she’s balking on doing that stupid text emailing like I expect her to do. She’s rude with her fucking phone ignorance onto me tonight.

I’ve got the TV onto HGTV channel’s “Property Brothers” at the moment. I gave up onto watching more of NBC’s local news. They started blaring that shit around the four o’clock hour so I gave up after two hours of that shitty news. Ugh the news is terrible big time. Yuck.

I ranged mom around seven o’clock who picked up to apologize for the lack of phone manners. Ugh she whined of her problems with the cell phone she’s got on hand. Really what an excuse!

Mom started babbling about some plates of china from a grocery store she bought in the nineteen seventies. Ugh bored me to tears. It was tempting to hang up as a result of that damned babbling by mom. Really annoying!

Mom did whine of needing to call her brother my uncle via phone around 7:30 p.m. She did tell me to phone her at eight o’clock which I agreed. At the first stop keying symbol I hung up without a word.

I wound up sick in the bathroom again with number two that stained my underwear. I didn’t feel comfortable wearing that underwear. Plus my butt was stinging too much from all that number two so I gave up wearing clothes involving underwear and my regular summer wear clothes. I wound up wearing my pajamas and having quite a hard time sitting down from my stinging bottom. Ugh it hurts from all that number two I’ve been doing.

I did wash my water bottle as a result of that stinging problem with number two and my butt hurting. Ugh. Also washed my face and teeth too which I aim to avoid kissing Sam tonight. I aim to sleep in bed tonight around the ten o’clock hour and hope my sleep is a good one. Ugh.

6/23/16 Thursday
Ugh crashed around the ten o’clock hour last night with the voice chattering its familiar question. I thought the inner noises were because of me tired or something. Not sure but the noises went away after I fell asleep in bed.


I slept fine with visits from the cutest cat ever. Baby cutie was cute sitting on my front and licking my face galore. She’s so cute when she visits me. Aw love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute!

I wound up eating out at ABC pizza restaurant. I bought some pizza from there and ate it while reading “Written in Red” by Anne Bishop. Ugh I read about fourteen pages of that book while I was there waiting for the food. Yay me!

I wound up aggravated by the voice on the way to the restaurant. I think when I was there I went to use the bathroom. The waitress looked at me funny despite me reading a book. Really annoying!

Also I wound up eating half my food till like fifteen minutes to noon is when I left after paying the bill. I went for my appointment. It went fine. I whined of my bad night sleeping involving sickness in the bathroom keeping me up for hours. Ugh and unable to sleep as a result. Yuck.

After that dad drove me to town library where I dropped off the book “City of Heavenly Fire” unfinished and due in a week’s time’s frame. I sort of gave up onto that book as a result. Ugh this really does suck big time anyway.

I did consider checking out some books but the library didn’t have what I wanted involving Nora Roberts’ works. Her latest mystery called “The Obsession” they already had out at the moment. I also asked for “Stars of Fortune” but that was out already too.

It’s really annoying when I’m in the mood for a book and have to wait forever for those books to come into the library for me to read them. This forever waiting sucks big time.

Ugh again.

Also I went to CVS stopped there by dad. I didn’t get a text email involving pill refills so I went inside and wandered around for awhile. Not too long just long enough to take a look and see at the books. None of the books were my interests so I pass onto them.

I wound up going to stop and Shop where I bought stock in fruit like bananas and strawberries. I do hope I actually eat those fruit fast before they expire. Ugh.

Plus the food I used to buy cost me almost fifty bucks without the discount card. I think I managed to get the discount price down to somewhere around forty six dollars. Nice I guess except it didn’t leave me much food money in my card. Actually left me less than one hundred dollars in my food stamp card money.

Ugh sucks big time anyway.

Plus I’ve bought some bottled water as a result of being thirsty so I would drink that at home. I drank that at the moment at home but I’m still sick in the bathroom involving number two. The voice is still chattering involving that which sucks big time.

“Ate your strawberry.” says the voice.
I tried to eat one but I wasn’t too hungry for one. Ugh. Maybe I’ll eat one anyway. Ugh it shouldn’t be a problem for me to make up my mind on what to eat for dinner. Ugh again.

Plus I wound up eating two bananas and some cheese chips. I also drank orange veggie fruit juice. Tasty stuff but I’m not entirely sure if that’s helping me lose weight or not. Ugh sucks big time anyway.

Also since I’ve been home from groceries I’ve been suffering from a splitting sinus or migraine headache. The pain’s kind of aggravating me including suffering from a lack of eating regular foods as a result of that pained status. Ugh.

Plus I’ve been home with the urge to go number two in the bathroom. This sucks big time when I don’t feel too good at the moment. Ugh.

I’ve been drinking some Poland spring water bottle from the store. I’m not entirely sure if that drink is making my head splitting or not. I stuffed that drink into the refrigerator for another day of drinking. I’ve settled for my water bottle unwashed for that water’s usage. Ugh not entirely sure if I can drink bottled water or not. I don’t know of that shit at all. It sucks big time when I’m sick as shit at the moment. Ugh.

I ate some strawberries on the orders of the schizophrenic voice. It sucks big time to eat around five thirty when I’m trying to avoid that time. Ugh also I wound up eating three strawberries as a result of that ordered command by the voice. Yuck the command became compelling so I obeyed.


Also I wound up pouring out the rest of that Poland spring water bottle’s contents. I don’t think I’ll be drinking anything like bottled water from the grocery store unless I’m terribly thirsty. Ugh again.

I blame that spring water bottle for giving me this splitting sinus headache and migraine as a result of me sick today. I’m not sure if there’s something outside in the air that’s making me sick as dick today. It sucks big time when I don’t feel too good enough to blame some food and drink. Ugh.

Also since I’ve gotten home I’m feeling like I’ve got a splitting sinus headache including a bit of a cold. This sickness sucks big time when I’m sick. Ugh.

I tried to dial mom around seven o’clock. Operator refused to connect me with mom instead gave me mom’s answering machine. I wasn’t able to type much in my message.
I said “It’s Beth its 7 p.m. when am I hearing from you phone wise tonight?”
My text email to her cell phone said “Its Beth its 715pm what’s going on with you phone wise tonight?”

Ugh now I have to sit around waiting forever for mom’s text email or till like 9:45 p.m. or 10 p.m. is when it’s obvious she won’t be text emailing me tonight.


I don’t know if she’s sick with a splitting sinus headache like I am or she’s just working overtime again. Ugh she sucks big time anyway when she takes forever to get back to me phone wise.

Plus the computer staring has the tinnitus noisy again. I suspect the noisiness involves me eating two bananas for dinner as a result of that noisy problem. The fruit is notorious for making it noisy in my head. I’m still uncertain of strawberries making it noisy either. I do know that bananas make it noisy in my head.

ARGH to the noisiness in my head!

I know that salt can make the tinnitus noisy as heck when I eat salty foods. It sucks big time when I’ve got a noisy head tonight. All I can do involving the noise is concentrate onto the computer typing my thoughts down including staring at the TV or reading a damn book. This noisy problem sucks big time.

I tried to phone mom again around eight o’clock. All I received was ignorance by mom which made me angry enough to leave a vulgarity message onto her answering machine. Ugh.

Sorry mom for swearing but I’m just not happy with the friendship I’ll have to have with my damn cell phone tonight. It’s really not what I had in mind actually. Ugh.

Also I wound up shutting some windows as a result of cold. The voice is blaring loudly in my head at the moment. I can’t hear myself think very well. The voice’s noises sucks big time.

I’ve meant to go read a damn book but I’m just not in the mood to bother. It sucks big time when I’m just fed up with book reading tonight. Ugh.

Plus my sinus is splitting at the moment. It’s been splitting since I’ve gotten home from being out with dad. Ugh really don’t need this shitty splitting status onto me tonight. I do hope I can sleep ok tonight in bed when I go to lie down and sleep.

I’ve managed to read quite a bit of “Written in Red” by Anne Bishop to be less than one hundred pages to go to finish that damn book. It sucks big time when I wound up not able to read more of that damn book tonight because of my mood. Plus I was hoping on reading more of that book while in the car ride with dad to places. Problem was I wasn’t in the mood and avoided Bishop’s book as a result. Ugh.

I’ve calculated that I’ve read about fourteen pages in one sitting at the restaurant enough to be a whole chapter. Ugh nice I guess. Also I’m just not sure of when to quit the computer and go focus onto finishing that damned book tonight.

Ooh I don’t know but I’m just typing because of mom’s unwillingness to cooperate phone wise tonight. She’s so rude!

I do wish she would bother to text email me ASAP like I expected her to do. Plus she should have picked up the fucking phone at eight o’clock when I ranged her up. She ignored me very rudely. What a fucking bitch she’s being.

I swear mom worked overtime again mostly from eleven o’clock to the damned time of six o’clock again. Ugh. Her work shift is supposedly eleven o’clock to four thirty. She should have been free for a pickup phone call at eight o’clock. Instead she decided to ignore me and make me furious with her as a result of my vulgarity message onto her answering machine.

Friday: Ugh. I ate some food today I’m not entirely sure if it’s doing a number onto my body’s system. Mostly I having noisy head in response to that food I’ve eaten today. It sucks big time.

Also I’m not entirely sure if the food I’ve eaten yesterday is doing a number onto me today. Ugh I don’t know anyway if the food I’ve eaten earlier this week is making me suffer from a noisy head at the moment.

I don’t even know if it’s a coincidence that six o’clock phoning time with mom is coming up hence my noisy head. It sucks big time when mom never got back to me phone wise last night.
I got a text email around ten thirty or ten forty something involving mom saying “Sorry mom.”

Ugh she used the excuse this morning via phone that she wasn’t in the mood to talk to someone via phone last night hence her rude ignorance. Ugh I don’t know about that shitty ignorance or not. I just don’t. Ugh again.

Also I don’t know what to do today to get out and about walking around. Problem is I only got out twice for laundry multiple times with the machines free for me to use including the dumpster duty. Ugh that was it involving my outings today. It sucks big time when I’m not keen on going out anymore further. Ugh.

Plus I wound up online Facebook posting someone a happy birthday message. Maureen text emailed me I replied till my cell phone ping her reply. I wound up off the internet on my computer to use my cell phone. Ugh I likely to type this computer journal entry down than a conversation with someone. Ugh.

Maureen was chatty but she quit being chatty and hasn’t been talkative. I guess she’s being rude again as usual. She tags me for a short chat then after that cuts the chat off shortly without a word. Really rude!

I just might as well go phone mom via phone and hope I can reach her answering machine.

I tried to leave a message onto mom’s answering machine. Mom picked up to whine of eating food and needing me to call her back at seven thirty. Ugh that’s over an hour’s time frame. Ugh I’m going to be bored to tears actually and a bit annoyed. Ugh sucks big time anyway.

I wound up with the voice chattering just prior to me phoning mom. Ugh.

Today: Ugh I told mom via phone last night about walking out today to town library and out to eat. I turned out to be a liar with my wording. I haven’t been outside yet. I’ve been stuck at home stuffing my face full of foods instead. This sucks big time.

Plus I’ve been sick in the toilet with number two cramps and number two that’s aggravating me. This aggravation annoys me too much as a result. Ugh.

Also I’m sick with the tinnitus noisy in my head. The noise is either my food I’m eating or I’m sick in the bathroom with number two crappy shit. This stink big time when I don’t feel too good today to get myself outside walking around. Ugh.

I could have roped dad into driving me around or lunch out but he has reached his quotas of taking me for drives this week so I’m not going to bother him very much. I don’t feel like bothering him for errands around town even when I already did that errands’ shit Thursday with dad driving me. I don’t need to do this today either.


It’s getting annoying when I fill in my e-reader or nook with tons of e-books I won’t read. This stink big time when I pretty much will buy e-books but won’t read them. Ugh.

I don’t even know what’s going on within me and my thinking involving buying e-books and balking on reading them via e-reader. Ugh I’m not sure why’s I’m pretty much preferring paper versions of books to read while I collect the e-book versions.

This sucks big time!

I’m not sure why’s I can’t seem to make myself focus onto reading e-books than paper books. I don’t know why I’m more inclined to read paper versions to e-books via e-reader. I don’t get it.

I suspect my interests in paper books is because I’m used to reading books that way than I am via e-reader or nook. Ugh might be that shitty fact. Or maybe this is from too much electronic reading via TTY or the TV enough to read something paper wise. It’s the same from the damn computer too hence I don’t bother with the damn e-reader when it comes to books. Ugh.

This lack of reading e-books via e-reader fucking sucks big time. I don’t know why I have an e-reader if I won’t bother to read any of those e-books onto the nook. I do read that nook’s e-books when I’m in the car ride to place to place in the dark but that’s the only time I read that nook. Ugh not any other time which sucks big time.

I wound up sending a friend request to someone online Facebook. I find that hardly people accept my friend requests online Facebook. Ugh I don’t get it at all. I find this really rude when they reject me. Humph! Also find it rude when people friend me or accept my friend request then a week later or so they quit the friendship without a word. Really rude!

Plus its even ruder is when people I thought were my friends from school turned out to be not my friend in reality at all. Instead of accepting my friend request they reject me and prove to be not a friend of mine at all. Really annoying when I find out this fact that they don’t like me in real life despite saying they like me back then in school like high school. Ugh not happy with them at all.

“She remembers you.” Says the schizophrenia involving one friend request I sent to someone who already friend Janet.
Ugh just hoping I’ll get a second chance to be friends with this person online Facebook. This person wound up quitting the friendship online when I first started Facebook without a word. I just don’t get it at all their really rude attitude. Ugh.

By the way that person accepted my friend request. I'm not wasting my breath on having this person really keeping my friend request or unfriending me like some people have been doing after they friend me. Ugh.

(Anyway my this is my entries in my computer journal. I'm not caring if I used vulgarity or not. I'm just not really paying attention to the languages uses in my journal while I post this online.)

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Jun. 15th, 2016 | 07:28 am
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Saturday night around ten o’clock I wound up attacked by the voice. I think it triggered my paranoia to go off as a result. I thought I was hot and tired so I showered in cold water then tried to sleep. I couldn’t sleep as a result. Ugh.

Also I tried muse talk till around eleven o’clock or midnight is when I remembered to take my Saphris pill. I took that pill then tried to sleep. I couldn’t sleep with the inner noises and my paranoia going off. Ugh again.

I wound up hearing the voice chanting during my second attempt to sleep “Text your dad!”
I usually text email dad when I’m suffering from attacks of schizophrenia. I didn’t bother because of the late hour of two o’clock in the morning. I wound up with that voice chanting that comment going onto the computer editing this story.

I edited this story “War of Mars: Jinks Montreal.” Ugh that story is just something I’m doing out of suffering from attacks of schizophrenia. I might sometimes self publish that online Smashwords when I feel up to it. Mostly I when that story is done being edited at first then I’ll self publish it online Smashwords. I aimed to ask for a fee involving that story.

Also I think when daylight arrived is when the attack of schizophrenia blew off but my paranoia was a bit aggravated as a result. I wound up staying onto the computer till seven o’clock in the morning typing muse talk. I did try to sleep but I couldn’t sleep much. I wound up showering as a result then got dressed into my clothes. I wound up TV watching with cutie onto my lap.

Sunday I ignored the lack of sleep and paranoia aggravated by going to Amherst to attend a Deaf Club Social at Atkins grocery store. I wound up reading a great deal of a book while in the car ride to Amherst. I read “Off Balance” by Dominique Moceanu. I read a great deal of that book as a result of the car ride to Amherst.

I wound up at Amherst reading a good deal of that book while in the grocery store waiting for the deaf social to start. I think the deaf social started without me aware of it. I looked up from my reading to find some people were signing while gathered at a table. Ugh they didn’t come up to me at all. It sucked big time.

I wound up going up to those people. I saw Giovanna there after awhile of not seeing her. She whined of being sick last time with a bad headache. Ugh I think she spread the sicknesses onto me because I wound up sick myself today. Ugh really annoying!

I stayed with the deaf members of the social for two hours till like three o’clock is when we parted ways. I wound up text emailing dad about that.
His text emailed me “Going to the bat groom.”
Ugh I think he meant bathroom when he said that. Oh well.

Anyway I wound up finding dad outside walking to his car which I followed. I went to dad’s car and got inside followed by dad calling Anne his lady friend via cell phone. Anne wasn’t in the mood for a visit. I was secretly hoping for not a visit of Anne because of how sick I was from my lack of sleeping very well.

Also Anne to my relief balked the visit so dad drove me home. On the way home I read a great deal of Moceanu’s book “Off Balance.” The book was pretty good anyway.

I got home and wound up watching what’s left of a marathon on HGTV involving the Scott brothers’ show “Property Brothers.” Well nice.

After that I had dinner then phoned mom to whine of my bad night sleeping. It sucked to whine to her. I didn’t whine to dad about my bad night sleeping or my attack of schizophrenia. I gave up whining to him on those attacks as a result. I don’t particularly care to whine to dad about them. Ugh.

Monday I wound up sick with a migraine like headache. Giovanna complained of being sick with a headache when I was with her. Excuse me for saying whining but I think the better wording is complaining. Anyway I did tell Giovanna of having a throwing up feeling when sick with migraines. She found that interesting.

Anyway I wound up sick with a migraine. I didn’t take anything for the pain. I didn’t feel like taking aspirin for the pain. I don’t care or believe in taking aspirin for the pain anyway. I pretty much preferred to avoid that crappy medicine for pain anyway. I don’t care to be an addict to painkillers like my mom is with aspirin involving her headaches. Yuck.

Also I’m not entirely sure if my headaches are really my head hurting or the schizophrenia suggesting some commentary to make me feel painful headaches.
I sometimes hear the words “Sharp pain” from the voice.
This makes me think I’ve got a headache hence I feel the pain as a result.
I don’t trust taking aspirin for headaches unless I’m sure the headache is not the schizophrenia suggesting some commentary that’s making me think “I’ve got a headache.”


Plus I’m done with Dominique Moceanu’s book “Off Balance.” I’ve managed to read that book Monday during the TV airing “Love it or List it” aggravating show. Ugh I finished that book. Yay me! I rated Moceanu’s book about five stars online Good Reads website. I found that book pretty well done and pretty good to my opinion.

I’ve rated “Dark Lover” by J.R. Ward about five stars online good Reads.

I’ve been meaning to read more books but I’m just not entirely sure of what to read next. Ugh that decision involves me reading “City of Heavenly Fire” the library book including this erotic porn novel “Grey” a part of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series.

Tuesday I wound up out with Maureen and Eddie. Ugh. It was very exhausting being out with Maureen and Eddie. She made me walk all over the place. Ugh again.

Also I wound up eating out at T.G.I.Fridays restaurant. I had cheesy foods and lots of salt. Ugh sucks big time when I can’t seem to get away from that. Oh well.

After the restaurant we walked to Michael’s to buy crafts which Maureen got me a loom like type of crafts. Nice also got a birdhouse to paint and decorate when I get around to it.

Ugh plus Maureen bought some yarn on sale. I think she bought in stock in the yarn actually. The yarn was on sale actually hence Maureen buying more than one yarn. She used a credit card to buy everything. Thanks Maureen.

After we finished Michael’s was Barnes and Noble where I returned the extra copy of “The Beast.” I used the excuse to the cashier involving having the book as a gift and not needing the extra copy. Oh well.

Also I got my money back despite Maureen balking on letting me use that money for credit towards a book. She insisted on me getting my money back as a result. Ugh I did get my money back which was done. After that was a walk to the car.

Maureen and I and Eddie decided to walk in the mall of Waterbury Brass Mill mall so we walked around then after that decided to go to Torrington. We went to Bed Bath and beyond. Maureen didn’t buy anything from there but she bought stuff from Target she again used a card to pay for everything. This seems nice.

Anyway I wound up jackpotting onto buying some more cat food including a nightgown I’m sure would fit me. I bought the extra larges size. I was too lazy to try that on in the fitting room instead bought that nightgown not tried. Oh well.

I figured at home since I’m home I might as well try that thing on when I get the chance. Also I have to wash that pajama nightgown when I get the chance. Ugh.

After Target was Starbucks in the store to drink and eat food. I had a brownie and some strawberry banana smoothie. Tasty stuff anyway after that we sat around for awhile. Maureen drove me to the town library where the parking lot was full. Maureen commented on some event happening at the town library. I dropped off the book “Feverborn.” Yay me!

Also I started reading “City of Heavenly Fire.” I managed to read two chapters worth including being in the middle of the third chapter when I got fed up with reading that damn book as a result. Ugh.

“City of Heavenly Fire” is book six of “The Mortal Instruments” series. I figured it shouldn’t be a problem to find references to book five in that book when I read it. I also noticed the author uses previous books’ information in future books. It seems like she’s just reminding the reader of stuff hence I reading book six instead of book four or five.


Also I text emailed mom who ignored me and refused to text email me in response really rude! I also phoned her but her answering machine picked up according to operator. I left a message according to operator onto her answering machine. I do hope miss phone ignorance bothers to text email me as quick as possible her excuse for her ignorance onto me tonight. Really rude!

Plus I did tell her via phone this morning that I was having an outing with Maureen. I had an outing with Maureen till like seven o’clock is when I got home. I wound up home with the voice blaring insisting on me to shower. I balked as usual. I wound up opening extra windows as a result including exchanging my clothes. Ugh.

I wound up sick in the bathroom with heavy number two as a result. Plus I ate some nutria grain bars about two of them. I balked eating more food than those two. I also balked eating cheese as a result. I already had cheese for lunch so I skipped that for dinner. I’m trying to moderate the cheese eating. Ugh.

Baby cute kitten was happy to see me home. She wanted more food as a result. Her food bowl was somewhat empty of food. I fed her royal highness some more food to her satisfaction she ate it and happily thanked me by giving me hugs while I was on the phone trying to reach mother of mine.

Ugh really annoying when she’s not free for a phone call tonight! Mom turned out to ignore me all night into this morning. I swear she's worked overtime including got extra hours of work today hence her rude ignorance. Really ticks me off!

Also once I got home I wound up sick in the bathroom involving number two. Disgusting mentioning that but the voice blared as a result and aggravated my paranoia. I couldn't do much that evening except just type onto the computer my day. I really wanted to talk to mom on my day via typewriter phone but she balked picking up or balked text emailing me like I expected her to do. Ugh. Hence I stuck typing my thoughts via computer instead.

I wound up shaking that attack of schizophrenia as a result. I think I noticed after some cases of number two in the bathroom the voice talks. Sometimes the voice makes my paranoia go off as a result of its talking. Ugh. I don't particularly care to hear the voice when I'm processing number two out of me. It's annoying!

Just don't care to have a stressful day today with Mom's phone ignorance or me sick in the bathroom with voice attacking me. Yuck.

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