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Jul. 17th, 2016 | 07:38 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

Today I finished an e-book called "Throne of Glass" by Sarah J. Maas. The book was actually already out on paperback or hardcover whichever. I wound up downloading the books via e-reader and just reading them galore when the mood hits me to read those e-books.


I wound up discovering my nook or e-reader had a limited storage involving magazines and e-books and TV series. It sucked big time to do lots of deleting of e-books TV series I haven't watched and magazines I could have read again but haven't in awhile. Ugh this sucks big time.

I also wound up from five hundred something e-books to now around three hundred something e-books of my favorites. The deleting wasn't making me a happy camper because of those e-books I have yet to read or get around to finishing them.

Ugh. I think I deleted some really good e-books I could have kept but I didn't bother. Oh well.

I think I deleted this autobiography by a singer I could have kept onto my e-reader but I wasn't impressed with that singer. I don't favor that singer when it comes to their music or singing styles or anything like that. I figured since I've read that e-book once I might as well deleted it. It was terrible time to do that deleting.

I think I might later read book two in the Throne of Glass series via e-reader. I already have like five books of that series so far downloaded I haven't bothered to read very much. I should really save that e-reader for books I've read and favored to carry copies with me instead of paper copies.

Ugh hate that when I'm not sure of what to do involving my likes towards books. I still favor paper books enough to read them. I also favor e-books enough to read them too. Ugh.

Mom is more of a paper book reader than an e-book reader. She favors reading books that are in paper forms more than reading books that are electronic forms. Poor momsy.

I'm just not so sure why's I'm favoring both electronic books and paper versions enough to read both from time to time. Just don't get it at all.

At least I finished a book today. Yay me!

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I'm bored...

Jun. 25th, 2016 | 02:26 pm
mood: boredbored

Thursday: Ugh I wound up crashing into bed around eleven o’clock something after a stupid House hunting TV show on TV. Ugh.

I wound up woken up around two thirty due to bladder urge as a result. Yuck. It sucked big time to wake up that early as a result. Yuck again.

Also I wound up hit with an idea to sleep on my tummy head cradled by my arms. It turned out to be a really bad idea because one arm went dead from the lack of blood flowing into there. The arm felt really dead when I came too from a weird dream. Ugh. I couldn’t feel anything involving that arm. As a result I wound up laying onto my side and felt all the blood rush into my arm. Ugh.

I resolved to myself to never sleep onto my stomach again unless it’s necessary. I’m not going to do that again hence my arm’s deadness says no to that. Yuck.

I wound up today tossing out the garbage then sorted my books. I more likely putting books into boxes and yanking them from a bookcase. I put the empty bookcase into the stairwell for anybody to have. I don’t give a damn involving that thing.

I did keep my books inside the apartment because I want to donate them to the town library when I get the chance to do it. Ugh.

Plus I’ve got a bunch of books for Maureen to either use or teach for classes or read for her pleasure. I aim to get those books to Maureen when the time’s possible. Ugh again.

I did text emailed dad about that bookcase in the stairwell. So I have no idea if he’ll want to get that damn thing or not. Oh well. No idea anyway.

Also I’m so glad to finally sort my damn books. I got a boxful for the town library including some for Maureen to use. Nice. Plus I’m so happy to get rid of a bookcase and books in it.


I had a bookcase that was full of books I wasn’t reading just cluttering up my bedroom actually. The bookcase was full of unread books so I pulled that bookcase out of my bedroom and put it in the hallway of the apartment. I replaced a bookcase in the hallway’s spot into the stairwell. That thing is useless anyway. Ugh.

After that I sort my books. I made a boxful of books I don’t care for. Some of those boxed books were on publishing for romance writing. I don’t care to publish my works as a romance author. I preferred to publish my works as a science fiction fantasy author instead with a touch of romance thrown into it. Ugh just my preference.

Seven o’clock the voice decided to aggravate me by chanting “Are you forgetting something? Paranoid feeling.”
I was hearing mostly the voice chanting over and over to annoy me. I thought the voice’s chant was because I was hot and tired and from stirring up all that damned dust around here. Ugh. Hence I showered as a result then got into pajamas. Ugh again.

Baby cutie is being friendly onto me tonight. I swear that cat wants something hence her friendly behavior. Ugh damn cat damn animal. Oh well baby cute kitten is so cute when slobbered with kisses and gathered into my arms for hug fests. She’s so tolerant of that behavior I give miss fur coat. Aw love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute.

At seven thirty I’m to ring mom up via phone. I do hope I actually reach her this time. I want to get this damned phone call over with tonight so I can relax. Also avoid the damned aggravations involving the friendship with my cell phone waiting forever for a text email from mom.

Ugh. I don’t like this phone game mom plays onto me when she tells me she’ll be free for phoning at a certain time but turns out to be a liar with her words. Ugh I hope she’s not a liar tonight. Humph I do hope I actually reach her via phone tonight.

I want to whine of my exhausting day today manipulating books and manipulating two bookcases. Ugh. Plus getting rid of a boxful of books for the town library including some books for Maureen to either read or use for her teaching. How nice of me I guess.

“It’s Beth who’s annoyed! Its 730p pickup the phone! I’m calling you! You told me to call at this time!”
My cell phone message to mom’s cell phone in response to mom’s rude phone ignorance done onto me tonight. Really rude!

Friday:Mom never got back to me phone wise last night. I was fiddling via cell phone for hours waiting forever for a text email till like ten o’clock is when I quit for bed. Ugh.

I slept fine as a result despite exhausted from the books’ moving and bookcases moving around. Ugh. I also meant to vacuum around here but I think the vacuum cleaner’s container is full and needs to be emptied. Ugh again. This sucks!

Plus I’m to expect Eddie’s visit today for bathroom cleaning. Ugh I do hope he comes and cleans the bathroom. I could use his help with the vacuum cleaner’s emptying the container. I’m still clueless on having to empty that thing’s container. Ugh!

Its even worse is that Maureen has been online Facebook but has been ignoring my pinging her or my previous messages. Really rude! I find that annoying and really rude crude Gertrude of her to do that to me. Humph!

Humph! I wound up with Eddie visiting me to clean the bathroom. Eddie whined of how dirty my bathroom was at a previous visit. I did try to clean that toilet and the tub the best I could just prior to his arrival. Ugh.

I also whined to Eddie on needing the vacuum’s canister emptied so he helped me unhook that thing then I tossed out the crap inside that canister. Ugh after that I vacuumed the living room but I didn’t do the bedroom. Damnation the bedroom needs vacuuming badly. Ugh again.

Also I have to sort that junk in the bedroom first before I do anything involving vacuuming into there. Ugh. I found junk in boxes and bags while in my bedroom sorting books yesterday. I wound up getting rid of a dozen books enough to fill into a box for books.

I even got some books for Maureen to either keep or use for her classes in Deaf Studies. I thought it’ll be nice of me to donate those books to her. I might ask for a fee of some payment price for the books because of how much money dad paid for some of them involving a deaf character. Hence I’m aiming to ask Maureen for money for those books. The others I found for Maureen are free but not the deaf books. I aim to ask for a fee anyway.

Also I bugged dad with a text email to take me out to lunch and errands. Dad balked the lunch but agreed to the errands. He took me out for errands around one o’clock. Nice.

I went to the town library to dump some books I donated. Then I went to find Anne Bishop’s books involving “The Others” series. I found two books by Kelley Armstrong that attracted my eye because the covers and books were twin to Bishop’s books. Hence I checked out four books as a result. Ugh.

Bishop’s book “Written in Red” is an unfinished book I’m hoping I would get around to finishing one of those damn days. Ugh hence I checking out that damn book to read and finish.

It sucks big time when I’m not able to finish a book. It’s mostly due to a lack of motivation to read and finish a book or not enough time for the book to be done before the due date of the library’s deadline. It sucks.

After library I went to CVS where I picked up my two prescriptions of Geodon and Prozac. Nice I guess.

After CVS was grocery shopping. I got some fruit including some frozen foods I normally eat. I figured it shouldn’t be a problem for me to eat some of that foods when I get around to it food wise. Ugh.

Also I got home and wound up stuffing my face of ice cream as a result of needing to cool down. I was hot from that hauling of groceries’ bags into the apartment. Ugh hence I eating something cold to cool down including drinking some lemonade like drink. It’s tasty stuff anyway.

Monday: Ugh I’ve got the air conditioner on running at the moment. I thought my hurting head was because I was hot. Ugh that air conditioner running is making me freeze as shit at the moment. Ugh really annoying!

Also I didn’t sleep very well last night. I kept waking up for every hour to pee. I think around the one o’clock hour or before that time is when I exchanged my water bottle to another one that was cleaned in the sink. I think I slept fine after that as a result but I did wake up around the six o’clock hour but remained asleep till the eight o’clock hour is when I got up.

Baby cutie wound up the reception of snatched up hug fests and kisses today. She cutely was tolerant of those hug fests and kisses. She kitty kissed me in response then looked at me with her wide eyes of pleading cutely. Aw what a cute kitten!

Nurse arrived around noon and saw me. Nice that my vitals were fine anyway Yay me. Also I wound up with the voice talking a bit during the nurse’s visit but I didn’t tell the nurse that. I think I was hot despite her visiting me.

Anyway after the nurse’s visit I wound up turning on the air conditioner. I thought my hurting head was a result of me being hot with the windows open. Ugh. The air conditioner on is making things freezing in here. It sucks big time when I would have to go outside for a nice walk and try to warm up as a result. Ugh.

Also HGTV is marathoning “Love it or List it” shit show on their channel. I hate the lunatic’s show on at two o’clock that replaced Meredith’s talk show. I pretty much preferred other shows to that lunatic’s talk show. Hence I leave the TV onto HGTV on at two o’clock to three o’clock is when I go to NBC and watch Ellen’s show. She’s entertaining anyway.

Baby cute kitten was curled up on my bed asleep when I stopped by her for a cuddle. I snatched her up for a hug and gave her cuteness some kisses. She was so tolerant of the kisses and hugs status I gave her. Aw what a cute kitten!

I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute when cuddled into a nice hug and kiss. I like to kiss the baby cat. I like to snuggle cuddles to the baby cute kitten. She’s so cute!

I wound up sick in the bathroom with heavy number two around two o’clock after eating some ice cream as a snack. Ugh. I’m not entirely sure of what brought that sickness on. It sucks big time when I wound up in the bathroom as a result. Yuck.

Also I saw Ellen’s show but it was a rerun involving this singer Justin Bieber. Ugh. I don’t mind Justin Bieber. He’s a nice singer but he’s kind of weird of hard core rock of something like extreme singing. Sort of like some female singer I know of that’s extreme with her singing and dancing. Ugh.

I know that female singer’s name but I forgot how to spell her first name. I do know her last name is Cyrus something like that but I’m not entirely sure of how to spell her first name. I think its Miley or something like Miles. It sucks big time when I’m not sure of that singer’s name as a result.

6/22/16 Wednesday
Ugh I wound up out with Dad to my doctor’s appointment in Hamden. I wound up examined by the doctor while I was there. The examination went fine. After that dad and I went out to eat an early dinner. Nice.

After that was a drive for dad to see the house his dad used to live in. The house looks like its undergone a makeover and looks nice I guess. Oh well.

The drive was to Cheshire to see Momsy at her work which she was happy about. I wound up buying mom a book “The Collector” by Nora Roberts. Book was on sale for a dollar off. Yay me!

Also I wound up buying myself a copy of “The fifth wave” by Rick Yancey. Nice book enough to get a copy myself as a result. I like to get the other two books in the trilogy when I get the chance to do that purchasing. Ugh.

After mom got off work I hung around mom as she went to the locker room to get her purse and followed her to the car. It was when the voice attacked me as a result. Ugh I thought I was hot or something like that shit I think. Ugh again.

I wound up following dad to the car where he drove to some music store in another town. I wound up taking my pill in the bathroom including number two. Also ate some food while around dad. I’m not sure if the sales clerk kicked dad out for me eating food or he was just being friendly. I could barely get it the sales clerk’s talk. Ugh the voice was attacking me at the time.

I got home with the voice attacking me very badly. I wound up sick in the bathroom with multiple number twos as a result despite the voice attacking me. Ugh.

I think I couldn’t sleep with the voice attacking me. I wound up editing muse talk multiple times including reading the diary of a saint. I found I felt much better from reading the Saint’s diary that I read a great deal of that book till I finished the first notebook in that book as marked.


I think around one o’clock or near two o’clock is when I wound up shaking that voice’s attack and slept fine in bed. Ugh don’t care too much for the voice’s attack as a result. Just don’t anyway.

After that bed sleeping I woke up around 10:30 a.m. in the morning with my paranoia aggravated and my stomach upset. Ugh. I’m not sure if I’m done with the attack of schizophrenia or if it’s just my paranoia aggravated again. It sucks big time.

Also wound up chatting with Maureen online Facebook me on my cell phone and she on the computer. Maureen ended chat as a result of needing to do some cleaning. She’s got a gather party on the weekend. Nice I guess.

I wound up eating some food as a result then after that I wound up onto the computer as a result of needing something to type. I thought I would type my thoughts down while hearing the voice’s wording attacking me at the moment. Ugh.

I swear the voice’s attack involves me having to go number two in the bathroom hence my constipation at the moment. Ugh sucks big time when I wound up with heavy gassy stuff in bed including this morning. It stinks big time when I wound up constipated as a result despite trying to go to the bathroom. Really don’t need this shitty constipation!

Also really don’t need this shitty voice attack today. Just don’t!

It’s really annoying when the voice chose to attack me enough to get my paranoia off the charts as a result. Ugh really don’t need this today. Ugh again.

“Are you forgetting some?” Over and over I’m hearing to my annoyance.
I wound up hearing this noisy problem since this morning despite sick in the bathroom with number two over and over.

Ugh I could use a break from the paranoia off the charts with the voice’s annoying blaring voice involving wording to creep me out. This sucks big time when I don’t feel good today. Ugh really annoying!

It’s tempting to order two books from Barnes and Noble’s website and hope they don’t fuck up my order. Ugh. I want to order the rest of “The fifth wave” series by Rick Yancey. I was hoping on ordering more books in that series in paper format. I don’t know if I would order the e-book versions. Oh well.

Also even rude is mom’s supposedly has today off from work but she didn’t bother to come up and see me. She didn’t bother to text email me this morning for a phone call at all. Really mom how rude can she get?!

Also I’m not happy with mom tonight. I’m just annoyed with her and her lack of phone manners. I do wish she would bother to text email me more often like requests for phoning or just some message involving how’s she’s doing. She sucks big time when she’s balking on doing that stupid text emailing like I expect her to do. She’s rude with her fucking phone ignorance onto me tonight.

I’ve got the TV onto HGTV channel’s “Property Brothers” at the moment. I gave up onto watching more of NBC’s local news. They started blaring that shit around the four o’clock hour so I gave up after two hours of that shitty news. Ugh the news is terrible big time. Yuck.

I ranged mom around seven o’clock who picked up to apologize for the lack of phone manners. Ugh she whined of her problems with the cell phone she’s got on hand. Really what an excuse!

Mom started babbling about some plates of china from a grocery store she bought in the nineteen seventies. Ugh bored me to tears. It was tempting to hang up as a result of that damned babbling by mom. Really annoying!

Mom did whine of needing to call her brother my uncle via phone around 7:30 p.m. She did tell me to phone her at eight o’clock which I agreed. At the first stop keying symbol I hung up without a word.

I wound up sick in the bathroom again with number two that stained my underwear. I didn’t feel comfortable wearing that underwear. Plus my butt was stinging too much from all that number two so I gave up wearing clothes involving underwear and my regular summer wear clothes. I wound up wearing my pajamas and having quite a hard time sitting down from my stinging bottom. Ugh it hurts from all that number two I’ve been doing.

I did wash my water bottle as a result of that stinging problem with number two and my butt hurting. Ugh. Also washed my face and teeth too which I aim to avoid kissing Sam tonight. I aim to sleep in bed tonight around the ten o’clock hour and hope my sleep is a good one. Ugh.

6/23/16 Thursday
Ugh crashed around the ten o’clock hour last night with the voice chattering its familiar question. I thought the inner noises were because of me tired or something. Not sure but the noises went away after I fell asleep in bed.


I slept fine with visits from the cutest cat ever. Baby cutie was cute sitting on my front and licking my face galore. She’s so cute when she visits me. Aw love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute!

I wound up eating out at ABC pizza restaurant. I bought some pizza from there and ate it while reading “Written in Red” by Anne Bishop. Ugh I read about fourteen pages of that book while I was there waiting for the food. Yay me!

I wound up aggravated by the voice on the way to the restaurant. I think when I was there I went to use the bathroom. The waitress looked at me funny despite me reading a book. Really annoying!

Also I wound up eating half my food till like fifteen minutes to noon is when I left after paying the bill. I went for my appointment. It went fine. I whined of my bad night sleeping involving sickness in the bathroom keeping me up for hours. Ugh and unable to sleep as a result. Yuck.

After that dad drove me to town library where I dropped off the book “City of Heavenly Fire” unfinished and due in a week’s time’s frame. I sort of gave up onto that book as a result. Ugh this really does suck big time anyway.

I did consider checking out some books but the library didn’t have what I wanted involving Nora Roberts’ works. Her latest mystery called “The Obsession” they already had out at the moment. I also asked for “Stars of Fortune” but that was out already too.

It’s really annoying when I’m in the mood for a book and have to wait forever for those books to come into the library for me to read them. This forever waiting sucks big time.

Ugh again.

Also I went to CVS stopped there by dad. I didn’t get a text email involving pill refills so I went inside and wandered around for awhile. Not too long just long enough to take a look and see at the books. None of the books were my interests so I pass onto them.

I wound up going to stop and Shop where I bought stock in fruit like bananas and strawberries. I do hope I actually eat those fruit fast before they expire. Ugh.

Plus the food I used to buy cost me almost fifty bucks without the discount card. I think I managed to get the discount price down to somewhere around forty six dollars. Nice I guess except it didn’t leave me much food money in my card. Actually left me less than one hundred dollars in my food stamp card money.

Ugh sucks big time anyway.

Plus I’ve bought some bottled water as a result of being thirsty so I would drink that at home. I drank that at the moment at home but I’m still sick in the bathroom involving number two. The voice is still chattering involving that which sucks big time.

“Ate your strawberry.” says the voice.
I tried to eat one but I wasn’t too hungry for one. Ugh. Maybe I’ll eat one anyway. Ugh it shouldn’t be a problem for me to make up my mind on what to eat for dinner. Ugh again.

Plus I wound up eating two bananas and some cheese chips. I also drank orange veggie fruit juice. Tasty stuff but I’m not entirely sure if that’s helping me lose weight or not. Ugh sucks big time anyway.

Also since I’ve been home from groceries I’ve been suffering from a splitting sinus or migraine headache. The pain’s kind of aggravating me including suffering from a lack of eating regular foods as a result of that pained status. Ugh.

Plus I’ve been home with the urge to go number two in the bathroom. This sucks big time when I don’t feel too good at the moment. Ugh.

I’ve been drinking some Poland spring water bottle from the store. I’m not entirely sure if that drink is making my head splitting or not. I stuffed that drink into the refrigerator for another day of drinking. I’ve settled for my water bottle unwashed for that water’s usage. Ugh not entirely sure if I can drink bottled water or not. I don’t know of that shit at all. It sucks big time when I’m sick as shit at the moment. Ugh.

I ate some strawberries on the orders of the schizophrenic voice. It sucks big time to eat around five thirty when I’m trying to avoid that time. Ugh also I wound up eating three strawberries as a result of that ordered command by the voice. Yuck the command became compelling so I obeyed.


Also I wound up pouring out the rest of that Poland spring water bottle’s contents. I don’t think I’ll be drinking anything like bottled water from the grocery store unless I’m terribly thirsty. Ugh again.

I blame that spring water bottle for giving me this splitting sinus headache and migraine as a result of me sick today. I’m not sure if there’s something outside in the air that’s making me sick as dick today. It sucks big time when I don’t feel too good enough to blame some food and drink. Ugh.

Also since I’ve gotten home I’m feeling like I’ve got a splitting sinus headache including a bit of a cold. This sickness sucks big time when I’m sick. Ugh.

I tried to dial mom around seven o’clock. Operator refused to connect me with mom instead gave me mom’s answering machine. I wasn’t able to type much in my message.
I said “It’s Beth its 7 p.m. when am I hearing from you phone wise tonight?”
My text email to her cell phone said “Its Beth its 715pm what’s going on with you phone wise tonight?”

Ugh now I have to sit around waiting forever for mom’s text email or till like 9:45 p.m. or 10 p.m. is when it’s obvious she won’t be text emailing me tonight.


I don’t know if she’s sick with a splitting sinus headache like I am or she’s just working overtime again. Ugh she sucks big time anyway when she takes forever to get back to me phone wise.

Plus the computer staring has the tinnitus noisy again. I suspect the noisiness involves me eating two bananas for dinner as a result of that noisy problem. The fruit is notorious for making it noisy in my head. I’m still uncertain of strawberries making it noisy either. I do know that bananas make it noisy in my head.

ARGH to the noisiness in my head!

I know that salt can make the tinnitus noisy as heck when I eat salty foods. It sucks big time when I’ve got a noisy head tonight. All I can do involving the noise is concentrate onto the computer typing my thoughts down including staring at the TV or reading a damn book. This noisy problem sucks big time.

I tried to phone mom again around eight o’clock. All I received was ignorance by mom which made me angry enough to leave a vulgarity message onto her answering machine. Ugh.

Sorry mom for swearing but I’m just not happy with the friendship I’ll have to have with my damn cell phone tonight. It’s really not what I had in mind actually. Ugh.

Also I wound up shutting some windows as a result of cold. The voice is blaring loudly in my head at the moment. I can’t hear myself think very well. The voice’s noises sucks big time.

I’ve meant to go read a damn book but I’m just not in the mood to bother. It sucks big time when I’m just fed up with book reading tonight. Ugh.

Plus my sinus is splitting at the moment. It’s been splitting since I’ve gotten home from being out with dad. Ugh really don’t need this shitty splitting status onto me tonight. I do hope I can sleep ok tonight in bed when I go to lie down and sleep.

I’ve managed to read quite a bit of “Written in Red” by Anne Bishop to be less than one hundred pages to go to finish that damn book. It sucks big time when I wound up not able to read more of that damn book tonight because of my mood. Plus I was hoping on reading more of that book while in the car ride with dad to places. Problem was I wasn’t in the mood and avoided Bishop’s book as a result. Ugh.

I’ve calculated that I’ve read about fourteen pages in one sitting at the restaurant enough to be a whole chapter. Ugh nice I guess. Also I’m just not sure of when to quit the computer and go focus onto finishing that damned book tonight.

Ooh I don’t know but I’m just typing because of mom’s unwillingness to cooperate phone wise tonight. She’s so rude!

I do wish she would bother to text email me ASAP like I expected her to do. Plus she should have picked up the fucking phone at eight o’clock when I ranged her up. She ignored me very rudely. What a fucking bitch she’s being.

I swear mom worked overtime again mostly from eleven o’clock to the damned time of six o’clock again. Ugh. Her work shift is supposedly eleven o’clock to four thirty. She should have been free for a pickup phone call at eight o’clock. Instead she decided to ignore me and make me furious with her as a result of my vulgarity message onto her answering machine.

Friday: Ugh. I ate some food today I’m not entirely sure if it’s doing a number onto my body’s system. Mostly I having noisy head in response to that food I’ve eaten today. It sucks big time.

Also I’m not entirely sure if the food I’ve eaten yesterday is doing a number onto me today. Ugh I don’t know anyway if the food I’ve eaten earlier this week is making me suffer from a noisy head at the moment.

I don’t even know if it’s a coincidence that six o’clock phoning time with mom is coming up hence my noisy head. It sucks big time when mom never got back to me phone wise last night.
I got a text email around ten thirty or ten forty something involving mom saying “Sorry mom.”

Ugh she used the excuse this morning via phone that she wasn’t in the mood to talk to someone via phone last night hence her rude ignorance. Ugh I don’t know about that shitty ignorance or not. I just don’t. Ugh again.

Also I don’t know what to do today to get out and about walking around. Problem is I only got out twice for laundry multiple times with the machines free for me to use including the dumpster duty. Ugh that was it involving my outings today. It sucks big time when I’m not keen on going out anymore further. Ugh.

Plus I wound up online Facebook posting someone a happy birthday message. Maureen text emailed me I replied till my cell phone ping her reply. I wound up off the internet on my computer to use my cell phone. Ugh I likely to type this computer journal entry down than a conversation with someone. Ugh.

Maureen was chatty but she quit being chatty and hasn’t been talkative. I guess she’s being rude again as usual. She tags me for a short chat then after that cuts the chat off shortly without a word. Really rude!

I just might as well go phone mom via phone and hope I can reach her answering machine.

I tried to leave a message onto mom’s answering machine. Mom picked up to whine of eating food and needing me to call her back at seven thirty. Ugh that’s over an hour’s time frame. Ugh I’m going to be bored to tears actually and a bit annoyed. Ugh sucks big time anyway.

I wound up with the voice chattering just prior to me phoning mom. Ugh.

Today: Ugh I told mom via phone last night about walking out today to town library and out to eat. I turned out to be a liar with my wording. I haven’t been outside yet. I’ve been stuck at home stuffing my face full of foods instead. This sucks big time.

Plus I’ve been sick in the toilet with number two cramps and number two that’s aggravating me. This aggravation annoys me too much as a result. Ugh.

Also I’m sick with the tinnitus noisy in my head. The noise is either my food I’m eating or I’m sick in the bathroom with number two crappy shit. This stink big time when I don’t feel too good today to get myself outside walking around. Ugh.

I could have roped dad into driving me around or lunch out but he has reached his quotas of taking me for drives this week so I’m not going to bother him very much. I don’t feel like bothering him for errands around town even when I already did that errands’ shit Thursday with dad driving me. I don’t need to do this today either.


It’s getting annoying when I fill in my e-reader or nook with tons of e-books I won’t read. This stink big time when I pretty much will buy e-books but won’t read them. Ugh.

I don’t even know what’s going on within me and my thinking involving buying e-books and balking on reading them via e-reader. Ugh I’m not sure why’s I’m pretty much preferring paper versions of books to read while I collect the e-book versions.

This sucks big time!

I’m not sure why’s I can’t seem to make myself focus onto reading e-books than paper books. I don’t know why I’m more inclined to read paper versions to e-books via e-reader. I don’t get it.

I suspect my interests in paper books is because I’m used to reading books that way than I am via e-reader or nook. Ugh might be that shitty fact. Or maybe this is from too much electronic reading via TTY or the TV enough to read something paper wise. It’s the same from the damn computer too hence I don’t bother with the damn e-reader when it comes to books. Ugh.

This lack of reading e-books via e-reader fucking sucks big time. I don’t know why I have an e-reader if I won’t bother to read any of those e-books onto the nook. I do read that nook’s e-books when I’m in the car ride to place to place in the dark but that’s the only time I read that nook. Ugh not any other time which sucks big time.

I wound up sending a friend request to someone online Facebook. I find that hardly people accept my friend requests online Facebook. Ugh I don’t get it at all. I find this really rude when they reject me. Humph! Also find it rude when people friend me or accept my friend request then a week later or so they quit the friendship without a word. Really rude!

Plus its even ruder is when people I thought were my friends from school turned out to be not my friend in reality at all. Instead of accepting my friend request they reject me and prove to be not a friend of mine at all. Really annoying when I find out this fact that they don’t like me in real life despite saying they like me back then in school like high school. Ugh not happy with them at all.

“She remembers you.” Says the schizophrenia involving one friend request I sent to someone who already friend Janet.
Ugh just hoping I’ll get a second chance to be friends with this person online Facebook. This person wound up quitting the friendship online when I first started Facebook without a word. I just don’t get it at all their really rude attitude. Ugh.

By the way that person accepted my friend request. I'm not wasting my breath on having this person really keeping my friend request or unfriending me like some people have been doing after they friend me. Ugh.

(Anyway my this is my entries in my computer journal. I'm not caring if I used vulgarity or not. I'm just not really paying attention to the languages uses in my journal while I post this online.)

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Jun. 15th, 2016 | 07:28 am
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Saturday night around ten o’clock I wound up attacked by the voice. I think it triggered my paranoia to go off as a result. I thought I was hot and tired so I showered in cold water then tried to sleep. I couldn’t sleep as a result. Ugh.

Also I tried muse talk till around eleven o’clock or midnight is when I remembered to take my Saphris pill. I took that pill then tried to sleep. I couldn’t sleep with the inner noises and my paranoia going off. Ugh again.

I wound up hearing the voice chanting during my second attempt to sleep “Text your dad!”
I usually text email dad when I’m suffering from attacks of schizophrenia. I didn’t bother because of the late hour of two o’clock in the morning. I wound up with that voice chanting that comment going onto the computer editing this story.

I edited this story “War of Mars: Jinks Montreal.” Ugh that story is just something I’m doing out of suffering from attacks of schizophrenia. I might sometimes self publish that online Smashwords when I feel up to it. Mostly I when that story is done being edited at first then I’ll self publish it online Smashwords. I aimed to ask for a fee involving that story.

Also I think when daylight arrived is when the attack of schizophrenia blew off but my paranoia was a bit aggravated as a result. I wound up staying onto the computer till seven o’clock in the morning typing muse talk. I did try to sleep but I couldn’t sleep much. I wound up showering as a result then got dressed into my clothes. I wound up TV watching with cutie onto my lap.

Sunday I ignored the lack of sleep and paranoia aggravated by going to Amherst to attend a Deaf Club Social at Atkins grocery store. I wound up reading a great deal of a book while in the car ride to Amherst. I read “Off Balance” by Dominique Moceanu. I read a great deal of that book as a result of the car ride to Amherst.

I wound up at Amherst reading a good deal of that book while in the grocery store waiting for the deaf social to start. I think the deaf social started without me aware of it. I looked up from my reading to find some people were signing while gathered at a table. Ugh they didn’t come up to me at all. It sucked big time.

I wound up going up to those people. I saw Giovanna there after awhile of not seeing her. She whined of being sick last time with a bad headache. Ugh I think she spread the sicknesses onto me because I wound up sick myself today. Ugh really annoying!

I stayed with the deaf members of the social for two hours till like three o’clock is when we parted ways. I wound up text emailing dad about that.
His text emailed me “Going to the bat groom.”
Ugh I think he meant bathroom when he said that. Oh well.

Anyway I wound up finding dad outside walking to his car which I followed. I went to dad’s car and got inside followed by dad calling Anne his lady friend via cell phone. Anne wasn’t in the mood for a visit. I was secretly hoping for not a visit of Anne because of how sick I was from my lack of sleeping very well.

Also Anne to my relief balked the visit so dad drove me home. On the way home I read a great deal of Moceanu’s book “Off Balance.” The book was pretty good anyway.

I got home and wound up watching what’s left of a marathon on HGTV involving the Scott brothers’ show “Property Brothers.” Well nice.

After that I had dinner then phoned mom to whine of my bad night sleeping. It sucked to whine to her. I didn’t whine to dad about my bad night sleeping or my attack of schizophrenia. I gave up whining to him on those attacks as a result. I don’t particularly care to whine to dad about them. Ugh.

Monday I wound up sick with a migraine like headache. Giovanna complained of being sick with a headache when I was with her. Excuse me for saying whining but I think the better wording is complaining. Anyway I did tell Giovanna of having a throwing up feeling when sick with migraines. She found that interesting.

Anyway I wound up sick with a migraine. I didn’t take anything for the pain. I didn’t feel like taking aspirin for the pain. I don’t care or believe in taking aspirin for the pain anyway. I pretty much preferred to avoid that crappy medicine for pain anyway. I don’t care to be an addict to painkillers like my mom is with aspirin involving her headaches. Yuck.

Also I’m not entirely sure if my headaches are really my head hurting or the schizophrenia suggesting some commentary to make me feel painful headaches.
I sometimes hear the words “Sharp pain” from the voice.
This makes me think I’ve got a headache hence I feel the pain as a result.
I don’t trust taking aspirin for headaches unless I’m sure the headache is not the schizophrenia suggesting some commentary that’s making me think “I’ve got a headache.”


Plus I’m done with Dominique Moceanu’s book “Off Balance.” I’ve managed to read that book Monday during the TV airing “Love it or List it” aggravating show. Ugh I finished that book. Yay me! I rated Moceanu’s book about five stars online Good Reads website. I found that book pretty well done and pretty good to my opinion.

I’ve rated “Dark Lover” by J.R. Ward about five stars online good Reads.

I’ve been meaning to read more books but I’m just not entirely sure of what to read next. Ugh that decision involves me reading “City of Heavenly Fire” the library book including this erotic porn novel “Grey” a part of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” series.

Tuesday I wound up out with Maureen and Eddie. Ugh. It was very exhausting being out with Maureen and Eddie. She made me walk all over the place. Ugh again.

Also I wound up eating out at T.G.I.Fridays restaurant. I had cheesy foods and lots of salt. Ugh sucks big time when I can’t seem to get away from that. Oh well.

After the restaurant we walked to Michael’s to buy crafts which Maureen got me a loom like type of crafts. Nice also got a birdhouse to paint and decorate when I get around to it.

Ugh plus Maureen bought some yarn on sale. I think she bought in stock in the yarn actually. The yarn was on sale actually hence Maureen buying more than one yarn. She used a credit card to buy everything. Thanks Maureen.

After we finished Michael’s was Barnes and Noble where I returned the extra copy of “The Beast.” I used the excuse to the cashier involving having the book as a gift and not needing the extra copy. Oh well.

Also I got my money back despite Maureen balking on letting me use that money for credit towards a book. She insisted on me getting my money back as a result. Ugh I did get my money back which was done. After that was a walk to the car.

Maureen and I and Eddie decided to walk in the mall of Waterbury Brass Mill mall so we walked around then after that decided to go to Torrington. We went to Bed Bath and beyond. Maureen didn’t buy anything from there but she bought stuff from Target she again used a card to pay for everything. This seems nice.

Anyway I wound up jackpotting onto buying some more cat food including a nightgown I’m sure would fit me. I bought the extra larges size. I was too lazy to try that on in the fitting room instead bought that nightgown not tried. Oh well.

I figured at home since I’m home I might as well try that thing on when I get the chance. Also I have to wash that pajama nightgown when I get the chance. Ugh.

After Target was Starbucks in the store to drink and eat food. I had a brownie and some strawberry banana smoothie. Tasty stuff anyway after that we sat around for awhile. Maureen drove me to the town library where the parking lot was full. Maureen commented on some event happening at the town library. I dropped off the book “Feverborn.” Yay me!

Also I started reading “City of Heavenly Fire.” I managed to read two chapters worth including being in the middle of the third chapter when I got fed up with reading that damn book as a result. Ugh.

“City of Heavenly Fire” is book six of “The Mortal Instruments” series. I figured it shouldn’t be a problem to find references to book five in that book when I read it. I also noticed the author uses previous books’ information in future books. It seems like she’s just reminding the reader of stuff hence I reading book six instead of book four or five.


Also I text emailed mom who ignored me and refused to text email me in response really rude! I also phoned her but her answering machine picked up according to operator. I left a message according to operator onto her answering machine. I do hope miss phone ignorance bothers to text email me as quick as possible her excuse for her ignorance onto me tonight. Really rude!

Plus I did tell her via phone this morning that I was having an outing with Maureen. I had an outing with Maureen till like seven o’clock is when I got home. I wound up home with the voice blaring insisting on me to shower. I balked as usual. I wound up opening extra windows as a result including exchanging my clothes. Ugh.

I wound up sick in the bathroom with heavy number two as a result. Plus I ate some nutria grain bars about two of them. I balked eating more food than those two. I also balked eating cheese as a result. I already had cheese for lunch so I skipped that for dinner. I’m trying to moderate the cheese eating. Ugh.

Baby cute kitten was happy to see me home. She wanted more food as a result. Her food bowl was somewhat empty of food. I fed her royal highness some more food to her satisfaction she ate it and happily thanked me by giving me hugs while I was on the phone trying to reach mother of mine.

Ugh really annoying when she’s not free for a phone call tonight! Mom turned out to ignore me all night into this morning. I swear she's worked overtime including got extra hours of work today hence her rude ignorance. Really ticks me off!

Also once I got home I wound up sick in the bathroom involving number two. Disgusting mentioning that but the voice blared as a result and aggravated my paranoia. I couldn't do much that evening except just type onto the computer my day. I really wanted to talk to mom on my day via typewriter phone but she balked picking up or balked text emailing me like I expected her to do. Ugh. Hence I stuck typing my thoughts via computer instead.

I wound up shaking that attack of schizophrenia as a result. I think I noticed after some cases of number two in the bathroom the voice talks. Sometimes the voice makes my paranoia go off as a result of its talking. Ugh. I don't particularly care to hear the voice when I'm processing number two out of me. It's annoying!

Just don't care to have a stressful day today with Mom's phone ignorance or me sick in the bathroom with voice attacking me. Yuck.

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Jun. 14th, 2016 | 05:32 am
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Baby cute kitten cuddled me last night into this morning. Aw cute. I petted her cuteness galore this morning. The baby cat was so tolerant to being petted. Aw love that little munchkin to much to slobber kisses onto her and gather her into my arms for hug fests.


I crashed early as ten o’clock something ignoring the shitty house hunting show on HGTV. I wound up laying in bed for awhile till baby cat cuddled me is when I forced myself to put on my eye wear mask and fall asleep.

I woke up around four o'clock due to bladder urge as a result. Ugh. I think I wound up woken up by a hot flash or something. I had sweats when I woke up. Ugh anyway I was also quite a bit out of it too. Ugh again.

Anyway I took my shower despite voice saying “It’s too early.”
Ugh I ignored the voice’s commentary and showered fine with not so hot water.
Voice was commenting “Too warm.”
Voice said that in response to my hot water shower so I eased the hot water and went with a somewhat hot shower but not so hot. Ugh.

After the shower I took my pills and ate a piece of fruit for breakfast. I also wore already worn sweats because I’m sure the landlord’s is going to have a mess in my apartment. Ugh plus I’m to vacuum too when I get the chance. Also Eddie’s coming over to clean my kitchen and help me sort the cupboards. Ugh.

Baby cutie is so cute when’s she’s posing in her butt sitting position. She’s looks cute when she looks at me with her cutesy expression on her face. She’s so cute aw.

Humph! Landlord had glass guy replace the glass on some windows in here. The entire windows weren’t all fixed up just one wasn’t replaced.

Eddie arrived during that window replacing stuff. I threw out four bags worth of garbage from the kitchen cupboards into the dumpster. Ugh. After that Eddie cleaned the kitchen and fixed the cupboards. Nice.

The glass repairman finished around eleven o’clock which Eddie finished around noon.


I wound up sorting and cleaning some stuff around here. I worked today such as putting into the cupboards my photo albums including some special paperwork. I wound up putting the craft stuff into the buffet as Maureen calls the furniture. Ugh nice.

Humph wound up sick in the bathroom with number two plus the voice talking in the process as a result. Ugh sort of gave up onto NBC local news. I don’t care too much for the junk their showing. Yuck. I’ve gone to HGTV as a result. Ugh again.

Saturday's entry Ugh woke up around four o’clock in the morning with bladder urge. Ugh I crashed into bed and woke up a few times. Ooh gave up sleeping till around eight thirty is when I got up as a result. Ugh.

Baby cutie was cuddling me this morning. It was nice to wake up to the baby bundles of fur cuddle bumming me. She’s so cute aw when she’s cuddly and cute. Aw. I tried to get her for tummy time but she wasn’t in the mood got off of me. Oh well I got up as a result.

Poor baby cute kitten wound up snatched up for a nice hug earlier. Aw she’s cutely tolerant of that hugged status. Aw cute.

I wound up showering then got into already worn sweats. I figured since today’s going to be stormy or something. It sucks big time when the weather is like that.

Today this morning: Ugh I can’t sleep. I tried to sleep around ten o’clock. I couldn’t sleep as a result so I wound up reading and finishing this book “Dark Lover” by J.R. Ward. I finished that book last night despite having thirty seven pages left to finish. I couldn’t sleep so I read and finish that book as a result.


I think around eleven o’clock I crashed into bed. I wound up waking up around four o’clock in the morning with bladder urge. I went to the bathroom as a result then resumed sleeping.

I wound up putting some clothes away into the laundry hamper. I thought the clothes should be in the laundry hamper so I put them into there. Ugh sucks big time.

I wound up with a splitting sinus headache while lying in bed trying to sleep. I couldn’t sleep lying down despite my splitting sinus. I wound up using the sit up pillow but that didn’t help either. I wound up around five o’clock giving up on sleep and going to TV watch TV. I mostly was watching the NBC news.

Also I’m not entirely sure if I can read a damn book at the moment this morning despite my splitting sinus headache. Ugh I wound up with a migraine yesterday all damn day. The pain sucked having to gut and ignore the temptation of aspirin. I refused to take aspirin for my headaches. Yuck.

Mom’s an aspirin addict when it comes to her headaches. I don’t care to wind up like her with aspirin. Yuck don’t care to. Hence I tend to gut out my headache pains as a result of avoiding aspirin. Ugh.

Baby cute kitten cuddle bummed me last night in bed but this morning I found her TV watching her version of TV via sliding door blinds. Cutie is so cute when she’s cuddling me. Aw love that bundle of fur too much to slobber kisses and gather her into my arms for hugs. She’s so cute!

I finally reached my goal of thirty books before June twenty first. Yay! I beat that goal by about seven days or a week’s time frame before the twenty first arrived. Yahoo on that! It’s rather good to finally finish some books. Yay me!

Last night the voice talked its familiar question irritating me. I couldn’t sleep at ten o’clock with the inner noises so I read a book as a result. Also I couldn’t sleep while lying in bed around the ten o’clock hour so I finished my own book a reprint of “Dark Lover” by J.R. Ward.

The book’s supposedly have bonus material in “Dark Lover” as said by the cover. Ugh. I’ve read the book and found some differences from the original book. I figured I might as well keep the reprint version and just enjoy that. It’ll be fun reading that book over and over from time to time.

Also I’ve got this library book “City of Heavenly Fire” by Cassandra Clare that’s book six of her “The Mortal Instruments series.” I’m skipping reading book four and five in the series. I already read a bit of book four and skipped book five. I ought to one of those days go back onto the series and read the books I don’t read or remember. Ugh again.

Plus I don’t remember the contents of book one in “The Mortal Instruments series.” It sucks big time when I’m stuck having to reread that book just to refresh my memories. Ugh really the pits anyway.

This memories thing sucks big time when I don’t remember much of Sarah J. Maas’s book “Throne of Glass” that’s the first book in the “Throne of Glass Series.” Ugh. I’ve meant to read that book when I get the chance to bother.

Its terrible big time when I don’t remember much involving books. I do think I remember some details of some books but it stinks on having to reread them. Ugh annoying.

Plus I’ve meant to take out some books from the bookcase for Maureen to donate for me. I’ve got some e-books’ versions of paper books either in paperback or hardcover I’ve been meaning to donate. Ugh. I’ve been meaning to look at my books and see if I can find the e-book version of some books I got stuffed into the bookcases. Ugh.

I did tell mom via phone last night that I was planning on hauling all my Nora Roberts’ books to donate. Mostly I finding the e-books of them and donating the paper versions to someone else either mom or whoever cares to read them. Ugh again.

I just don’t know why I bother to read the sixth book in “The Mortal Instruments” series despite not finished with book four or not bothering to read book five. This sucks big time when I’m jumping ahead in book series like that. Ugh. I just don’t get it that mood of mine.

Ugh again.

Also I wasn’t keen on finishing book four or reading book five hence I picked book six from the town library. I thought I would read book six and see about backtracking onto book four and five including book one when I’m done with book six. Ugh I don’t know if I should bother or not.

Oh well.

I figured if there’s some questions related to book six in “The Mortal Instruments” series I’ll read and finish book four followed by reading book five. It shouldn’t be a problem anyway for me to see what I can do involving book four and five.

Plus read book one of the series since I don’t remember much of that book despite sure I do remember some details. Ugh I think the details involved book two mentioning stuff like that.

This sucks big time when I’m not very good memorizing details involving books. Ugh hence I have to refresh my memory involving books by rereading them over again. Ooh this is terrible big time on having to do that rereading. It’s just not what I had in mind anyway.

It’s tempting to return book six and check out book four and five from the town library involving “The Mortal Instruments” series. Maybe I’ll do that today since the town library is open. I’m not entirely sure if I can have time to go to there followed by going home.

I’m to have Maureen visiting me including taking me out to lunch today. I’m just hoping she can drive me around including to the town library.

I like to return that book “Feverborn” by Karen Marie Moning I finished earlier this week. I finished the good parts version of “Feverborn” but that was it. I didn’t finish the other parts of that book. It sucks big time when I didn’t feel like reading the other parts of that book as a result. Ugh.

Also I don’t feel too good at the moment. I felt like I was going to throw up when I tried to sleep around four o’clock after a bathroom break. It sucked big time after an hour I had to give up sleeping due to the pain of a sinus and my feeling of throwing up. Ugh. Not what I had in mind to wake up to this morning.

I’ve meant to go do laundry this morning but I’m not sure if I should do that chore really early in the morning when I’ll wake up the neighbors. Ugh. Also I don’t even know if I’ll get the chance to use the machines this morning despite some neighbor seems to be psychic on hogging the machines when I want to use them. Ugh really annoying!

It’s tempting to get book four of “The Mortal Instruments” series and read the last chapter of that book including the same of book five to figure out what happened before book six. I did that last chapter reading in “The Desert Spear” by Peter V. Brett involving his “Demon Cycle” series. Ugh don’t know why I couldn’t finish that damn book of Brett’s as a result. It sucks big time.


The only book I’m currently reading in progress is the Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska the Polish saint. Ugh I read a page of that book last night after finishing “Dark Lover.” I thought I would read the saint’s diary last night after reading the vulgarity and sexual terms in “Dark Lover.” Ugh just something to calm my mind actually. Ooh well.

I’ve got some books set aside on my TV’s table I was hoping on getting around to reading and finishing when I get the chance.

One is erotic porn book I already read books by that author before. This book I got involves the male’s point of view in the trilogy involving a female in erotic sex terms.

Ugh I don’t know why I couldn’t read much of that trilogy despite finishing book one and two. I’m not entirely sure if I remember much of both books. I might have to refresh my memory again by reading them.


I’ve meant to go take my shower and go eat some food including seeing if the machines are free for laundry this morning. I’ve got a full basket so I figured I might as well go do laundry assuming the machines are free including that damn neighbor isn’t psychic enough to hog the machines when I want to use them.

Nothing new in a nutshell.

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computer journal's entry

Jun. 2nd, 2016 | 06:53 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

5/29/16 Sunday
Ugh tried to sleep from around ten o’clock something to whatever time. Sam tried to sit on my front but I removed her cause of bladder urge getting too much for me. I woke up soon after that around five o’clock in the morning.


I tried to sleep some more but couldn’t as a result. It sucks big time when I woke up thinking of doing the internet. It’s what I did, the internet. Ugh sucks big time.

Anyway I left the air conditioner on last night till I felt freezing in bed so I got up and shut that thing followed by opening windows. I slept fine with the open windows. The air with the windows open seemed cool and I slept with my summer blankets as a result. Nice.

Baby cutie came by and got her cute furry back rubbed and scratched. Aw cute. I might when it’s possible pick her cuteness up for a sweet hug and kisses. Aw she’s so tolerant of those kisses anyway. I love to hug and kiss baby cat.

Baby cute kitten came by and got snatched up for a nice hug and some kisses. She was tolerant of the hug accepted me and my kissing her cuteness. Her royal highness in response licked my nose then got out of my arms. Aw cute!

Humph gone to turn the TV onto NBC news. It’s boring as usual but nothing I can do involving that except just hope for the best anyway. Ugh.

HGTV is showing reruns of “Fixer Upper.” Ugh I don’t mind that show. The show makes me want to live in Texas among nature on a farm. This is terrible big time when I’m thinking that lifestyle. Oh well.

Also schizophrenia is claiming that HGTV will in the afternoon show a marathon of “Love it or List it” shit show. Ugh I hate that shitty show because it gets the schizophrenia blaring results of each episode before they ended it. Ugh hence I can’t stand that show.

Baby cutie came by and got snatched up for a nice hug and kisses. She was tolerant to the kisses and huggy status I gave her cuteness. Cutie was tolerant but started squirming to be put down. Ugh poor kitty poor me on being in a huggy and kissy mood aw.

Ugh I’m sick today. I kept on hot flashing with the air conditioner. Argh so I shut that thing. I kept getting hot as the day wore on and making me sick in my stomach. I had to resume the damn air conditioner as a result. Ugh.

Not too happy with the foods I’ve been eating today. I haven’t had a whole meal of food all damn day. I’ve been snacking onto snack foods as a result. Its terrible big time when the heat and bathroom number two ruins my appetite.

Ugh big time when I wound up having just chocolate and cheese foods as a result. I should be eating much better but I’m not able to due to the number two in the bathroom and lousy appetite due to the heat. Ugh.

Anyway schizophrenia was all over the place with claiming what show will be aired on HGTV in the afternoon.
The voice said “Property Brothers” one time involving my favorite TV show.
The voice in question turned out to be wrong involving what show on marathon in the afternoon. The schizophrenia claimed “Love it or List it” marathon. The voice turned out to be wrong in that too.

Ugh HGTV wound up showing something else instead like “Flip or Flop Follow Up” for four hours then at four o’clock went into original rerun episodes of “Flip or Flop.” That show is based in California. I don’t care for California. Too expensive to live there plus there’s flippers flipping homes in California driving up the prices. Yuck!

I wouldn’t mind visiting California for the beach and seeing the sights like a vacation but that’s about it. I don’t care to live there very much. California is way too expensive state for me to live there. Plus I don’t know how well agreeable they are towards people who are mentally ill with schizophrenia like I am. Ugh.

Hence I stuck living in this state for the remainder of my life. Its terrible big time when I can’t travel around the USA for a wanderlust method or anything like that. I would need to eat and get a job to feed myself while doing that traveling around. It sucks when my government leeching has me living in one spot where I currently resides.

Ugh terrible big time.

Also I’m currently living in my apartment till I get too old and disabled to get up the stairs into my residence. Or maybe too mentally ill to live by myself that’ll require a group home with other deaf people. Ugh.

Plus I keep on getting the schizophrenia’s talk involving arson fire dad’s house in some burning method at night underneath his window with a lighter. Yuck. I don’t really want to do that shitty burning of a house or anything bad like that. I just don’t want to destroy my life doing something the schizophrenia orders me to do. Yuck again!

“Burn, burn.” says the schizophrenia.
I keep imaging myself burning down dad’s house via lighter underneath his bedroom window. I just don’t care too much to do that shitty behavior. Yuck just don’t anyway.

I do hope I can avoid hurting dad and myself and my family by avoiding doing what the schizophrenia orders me to do. I don’t care too much to do orders by the schizophrenia telling me to hurt people or myself. Just don’t want to do those orders!

I wound up once five o’clock rolled around taking my Geodon pill including nuking a full meal of pasta in the microwave. I ate that as my dinner. I didn’t bother to have dessert.


I had too much chocolate today so I skipped eating that for dinner as a result. I only had my pasta meal for dinner with some veggie fruit juice that tasted more on the juice side for washing down the food.

Ugh sucks big time anyway.

Also I wound up sick in the bathroom with heavy number two as a result. I think the foods I’ve eaten today are catching up within me enough to make me sick in the bathroom. Ugh either that or that’s from yesterday’s foods I’ve eaten catching up with me. I’m not so sure of that shitty fact or that the sicknesses are related to me eating foods at that time previous days ago.


I recalled I had eaten strawberries as my dinner snack around five thirty. I’m not sure if that’s catching up within me hence my heavy loaded number two in the toilet. It sucked big time when I get sick as dick.

Ugh again.

Also I’m still using the air conditioner at the moment. I’m not entirely sure of when to cut that damn thing to open windows. Ugh don’t know when to quit using that damn thing.

I haven’t been outside for a walk all damn day. I’ve been stuck staying home with the air conditioner on and off including open windows. I did make a trip to the mailbox but that was it. I only got junky mail I plan to toss out when I get the chance.

I’ve meant to ring mom up via phone and see where we stand on the phone issue. I figured I’ll ring her up at six o’clock to bug her on when it’s possible to phone her for a lengthy conversation. I pretty much preferred a lengthy phone call to something like last night’s when it only lasted twenty minutes.

I noticed when I get an attack of schizophrenia at night I assumed I’m tired so I try to sleep at first. Sometimes those attacks turn out to be more than cured by sleeping so I go onto the computer editing muse talk and reading some stories.

I’ve tried to read a book when sick with an attack of schizophrenia multiple times but that’s not what I had in mind. It sucks big time when book reading isn’t doing anything for me to avoid the noises in my head. Ugh hence I find myself onto the computer editing muse talk. Sometimes my paranoia is too much for me to read a book so I go onto the computer as a result.

Ugh its terrible big time when the paranoia bothers me when I try to read a damn book. Hence I go onto the computer as a result of needing to concentrate onto something else than the book reading.

Ugh I haven’t really read a book very much when sick with those attacks. I’ve been focusing too much onto computers when sick with those attacks at night.

Sometimes those attacks can be brought on by something simple as number two processing through my system. It sucks to stay up so late waiting for my body to process number two out of me. Ugh.

Sometimes something else can trigger an attack of schizophrenia like one night I wound up attacked as a result. I wasn’t sure what really caused that attack in question but I did use the air conditioner for a few hours that day. I blame the use of that thing that aggravated me as a result. Hence I staying up till like one o’clock in the morning waiting for the attack to blow over. Ugh sucks big time.

Also I tend to book read when attacked by the schizophrenia when I’m not at home to rest or recover. It sucked to put up with the blaring voice going when I’m out doing things for either myself or with people. Ugh hence I depend onto reading books when I’m out of my apartment and can’t get home fast enough.

5/30/16 Monday
Today’s Memorial Day. I’m wearing red and blue but no white visible. Oh well.

Also I cut the air conditioner last night around the eight o’clock hour. Ugh I stayed up till like ten thirty before crashing into bed.

Ooh that’s stinks to wake up to a smelly litter box this morning. Sam pooped into it. Yuck.

Also I had a weird dream involving some cult and some magician I recognized as David Copperfield. Ugh not entirely sure of what happened to that guy. It seems he’s dropped out of sight nowadays and isn’t around for more TV specials. Oh well just don’t get it at all. Ugh.

Also that dream I had involved me whining to David involving books for people to read. I was putting books onto shelves in some priest’s religious area of worship. Just don’t get it at all. It sucks big time.

Also I wound up paired to David as some female for him to breed with or something. Not entirely sure of what’s the point.

Anyway after that David and I went to his quarters after opening multiple doors in a wall. He mentioned some fool trick onto people hence the multiple doors. Ugh just don’t get it at all.

After that I saw his quarters that had multiple bathrooms and one bedroom including two beds of twin sized in one open room. Plus there was a door leading to outside in the forest from the looks of it. David didn’t seem inclined to get out that door instead made that door seemed forbidden or something. Not sure.

I wound up walking through that doorway with two people escorting me. We walked on muddy ground that had footsteps that appeared to give off smoke from that. We walked by a store that appeared to be a coffee shop where David went into. We walked past that coffee shop to a road past stone monoliths and then entering another set of monoliths that had water in them.

I protested to walking further by the watered area stone monoliths. I wound up waking up as a result coming to and woke up. Ugh.

I woke up with a splitting headache and an out of it feeling like I was drunk or hung over. Ugh just don’t get it at the feeling other than blaming the damned air conditioner for that.

Also I wound up showering slightly warm but not too warmly. Just slightly lukewarm but more on the warm side actually. Also I think the warm shower helped my head feel much better. Ugh.

The voice talked to me during the shower on shaving my legs and armpits but I balked. I don’t aim to shave my legs or armpits. Plus I don’t aim to wear jeans like as ordered by the voice telling me to do that to cover up my hairy legs. I don’t care for that coverage. Ugh not what I had in mind.

I want to see Keith’s reaction to my hairy legs so I’m not shaving them or covering them. Humph!

Today I’m supposedly going to Keith’s residence to see him for either a date or a party. I’m not entirely sure of which one it is. Ugh. I’m depending on dad to drive me to Keith’s home today. Just hope dad can drive me to Keith’s and I can hangout with Keith for a few hours. Ugh.

Keith lives in the southern part of the state while I live in the Northwestern part of the state. I think the drive will be a lengthy drive due to traffic of people driving back from vacation to their homes.

Ugh Memorial Day is considered the unofficial start date of summer for the United States. I think that talk was mentioned via local news saying that wording. Ooh that’s nice I guess but I don’t care too much for it.

5/31/16 Tuesday
I wound up putting away Lea Clark doll which wound up making me hot with a hot flash. I had to shower as a result. Plus the voice chattered a bit but I didn’t get my paranoia aggravated instead I went onto the computer. Seems nice I guess.

Also before I forget dad arrived around 11:30 a.m. without telling me yesterday and text emailed me “Outside.”
I had eaten some food and peered out the window finding dad parked in the lot. Ugh. I wound up hastily taking some books including a journal or two.
Dad was rude to me when I got into the car asking “What’s with the books?”
Jeez dad!

Anyway the drive to Ville was fine with little traffic but the drive to Keith’s house was a fiasco. Dad drove by the street once despite me spotting it. He also didn’t seem to know what Keith’s house number was so he checked his cell phone. We found the house including Keith too.

Keith’s house is a white cape cod that seemed interesting via the looks of it. Oh well.

Anyway the hangout with Keith turned out to be a date at his house without a party with anyone. Ugh.

Also we played bean bag games which Keith won then we played ladders which I won. After that we went inside the house to the living room to watch a DVD. Keith couldn’t get the captions onto the TV from the DVD so he got “Thor” the movie I’ve seen before and we sat around watching that. I think Keith was bored or something. He wasn’t really watching the movie.

Oh well.

After I saw the movie I text emailed dad to come pick me up which he arrived. Dad and Keith had a nice chat then after that dad drove me to Barnes and Noble. I took a look at their teens’ novels but opt not to buy a copy of any of them. Ugh.

I wound up buying a copy of J.R. Ward’s latest book in the “Black Dagger Brotherhood” series called “The Beast.” I’ve read a copy of that book in seven days from the town library. I liked the book enough to rate it five stars online Good Reads. Also I liked that book enough to get another copy of it despite having an e-book copy. Oh well.

The book buying took almost all of my twenty five bucks I had in my wallet. Ugh. I paid about twenty two dollars for the book despite getting a thirty percent discount off the price. Ugh again how terrible anyway.

After I bought the book dad and I went home. I wound up at home eating some foods after five thirty but that didn’t stop me from taking my pill around five o’clock in the car ride home with some water. Ugh.

I wound up phoning mom around six o’clock. I was on the phone for over an hour till near seven thirty is when we quit. I wound up changing into my pajamas once eight o’clock rolled around. After that watched HGTV for awhile till ten o’clock is when I quit the TV. Ugh.

Ugh I saw my Lea Clark American Girl Doll and thought “That doll should be in the closet.”
I wound up putting the doll away into the closet. I wound up in the process stirring up some dust as a result that made me hot enough to get the voice talking. I had to shower cold as a result then after that went onto the computer to stare just to get rid of the voice’s talk. Ugh.
Voice was blaring “Are you forgetting some.”
Mostly the voice was blaring that line over and over so I went onto the computer to stare at muse talk and my thoughts just to get rid of the inner noises. Ugh again.

Also I wasn’t in the mood to do muse talk editing or reading my stories. Instead I wound up reading my own thoughts for a bit till close to eleven o’clock is when the voice quit bothering me. I crashed into bed as a result.

I slept fine in bed despite bladder urge waking me up around seven o’clock in the morning. I got up but didn’t feel well rested despite being up awake. Instead I resumed sleeping and slept for two hours. Ugh.

Baby cutie wound up visiting me this morning and sat on my front butt to my face. I wound up fiddling via cell phone as a result just to let cutie tummy sit as long as she wanted. I wound up online Facebook is when Maureen text emailed me. Ugh.

I exchanged my clothes to already worn t-shirt and shorts including underwear and socks. I didn’t get a chance to shower this morning because of Maureen text emailing me. I figured she was more important than a shower or interruption to shower.

Also I was hoping on sorting my apartment including vacuuming too. I was hoping on maybe cleaning Sam’s bathroom with brand new litter into the litter box. I was hoping on sorting books I’ve got on hand. I think I’ve got way too many books in my bookcases piled up that needs dusting and sorting. Ugh.

Plus I’ve got multiple copies of books I shouldn’t be having in my bookcase. I think Maureen talked to me last night about that multiple copies of books. I think she insisted on me having one copy and that was it instead of multiple copies. It stinks big time to have multiple copies of books.

Oh I was trying to support authors hence I having multiple copies as a result. Ugh Maureen talked me out of doing that. I used the excuse of good karma for buying authors’ works to help them in result of getting good karma to have someone else buy my own works I’ve self published online Smashwords. Ugh.

Maureen talked me out of doing that karma thing.
She mentioned “The authors already have a publishing contract.”
Ugh I didn’t feel like having a publishing contract to make stories underneath a damn deadline.
Maureen said “You’re not a machine but a creative person.”
I think she said those lines or somewhere close to those lines. Not sure.
I said something along the lines of “I don’t want to make stories underneath a deadline or outline them too much stress for me. Hence I preferred to take my time with those stories instead.”
Maureen said her comment involving me not being a machine. Well that’s nice.

Around ten thirty Maureen ended chat by saying “OK. I gotta go to the meeting Hugs.”
She didn’t stick around for me to reply. She hardly sticks around for me to say anything like a goodbye message she won’t read till later. Ugh hence I gave up replying to her goodbyes’ messages. Ugh.

I wound up text emailing the nurse “Am I seeing you today? At what time?”
I’ve got the nurse scheduled to come visit me today on my calendar including via cell phone’s calendar. Hence I text emailed the nurse those questions.

Ugh just trying to figure out what to do today other than sorting and cleaning around here. Ugh again.

Also try to figure out when to go do vacuuming around here including putting away some clothes. I’m bound to stir up some dust around here doing that shitty vacuuming and clothes putting away.

I haven’t bothered to shower yet despite thinking “I’ll shower when I’m done cleaning around here. I think I’ll get hot from that cleaning chore. So a shower is a must to be clean and cooling down too.”
Ugh meant to shower but not so sure of when to do that damned job. It’s terrible when I’m lazy when it comes to the showering.


Also I meant to bug dad for grocery shopping so I can go buy more food like fruits and veggies. I also meant to try to buy some healthy food choices other than processed foods I’ve been normally buying. Ugh.

I’ve had some foods at Keith’s house enough to make me think it’s about time I ate well than what I’ve been normally eating. Like I eating those processed ready made meals in a box nuked into the microwave when I should be eating something else instead.

My Memorial Weekend in a nutshell.

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Reading books

May. 28th, 2016 | 08:40 pm
mood: amusedamused

I spent today at home with the air conditioner running since eleven o’clock in the morning.


I only went out to get my mail that was at my door involving some books I ordered. I ordered four books that came today. I did order seven books the previous week which arrived. Four of those books were a set. I sort of out of needing something to do ordered more books off internet out of boredom.

I was bored actually.

One of the four came in today was an ex-library book a reject I figured I’ll use for carrying around and wrecking up. It's the reprint of "Dark Lover" by J. R. Ward. I liked that book to order another copy even if it was an ex-library book. Oh well.

There was another book that was hardcover but didn’t have a dust jacket cover. Ugh wasn’t happy about that at all. I ordered "Lover Mine" book eight in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series that which "Dark Lover" was a part of.

"Dark Lover" is book one of that Black Dagger Brotherhood series.

Also the other two books I ordered came out perfectly fine.

One was “Chronicles of Narnia” involving the book Barnes and Noble screwed up which I lost money from. They sent me a comic making fun of Ruth Badder Ginsberg. Ugh I had to spend some money mailing that book in the post office on Thursday to who originally ordered that book. Yuck Plus the original order was to North Carolina according to the sheet. It was terrible big time when I'm sure I won't get that book from Barnes and Noble.

Also I'm sure that Barnes and Noble will goof off my future book orders. Ugh hence I ordering books off eBay instead of Barnes and Noble. I even ordered off discount bookstores' sites on eBay. I thought it'll help save money doing that. Ugh.

I wound up ordering "Chronicles of Narnia" book off a store in eBay as a result. Book came out pretty well in good condition so I’ll read that when I get the chance.

Fourth book was something involving the “Black Dagger Brotherhood series.” It’s some paperback companion to the series including a short story in that book. I already have the e-book version of that book but I thought I would order a paperback version and see how it goes reading that book.

Ugh. I ordered two more books of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. One is called "The King" I favored enough to get a copy of it. I think the author should have ended her series with that book but she didn't bother. I like "The King" because it's focused onto my favorite character of the series.

I also ordered "The Beast." I liked the library's version enough to order a copy of that book off eBay. I do hope I get the dust jacket included with that book. I didn't get the dust jacket included with "Lover Mine." That omission sucked big time because the cover was why I ordered that book. Ugh.

I set the four books aside including an autobiography by Dominique Moceanu. I figured I’ll get around to reading “Off Balance” by Moceanu when I get the chance. That book was ordered off eBay which was a rejected library book I figured I’ll use for wrecking up and noting notes into it. Ugh.

I also set aside “Marked” by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast the first book in “House of Night series.” I’ve ordered about twelve books of the authors’ works off eBay I’ve been meaning to get around to reading. I just have to see when I’ll get around to doing that reading. Ugh again.

Unlike today I didn’t bother to read anything book wise. I tried to get into the mood to read mostly reading muse talk including my own thoughts. I did try a book but I couldn’t make myself read those books I’m in progress of reading. This sucks big time anyway.

I’m stuck on reading Queen Noor’s memoir “Leap of Faith.” I’m slowly reading the diary of a Saint named Maria Faustina Kowalska. I’m also reading a reprint version of “Dark Lover” by J.R. Ward.

I’m hoping to keep Queen Noor’s book one of those days once I’m done reading it. Mostly stuff that book into my bookcase and keep the book on hand. I’m like halfway through that memoir at the moment. I could have read more of that book today but I was fed up actually so I didn’t bother. Its terrible when I’m not in the mood for book reading. Ugh.

I’m slowly reading Saint Maria’s diary. The contents is a really good book for people who are religious but I’m not that motivated to read that book a great deal amount of it in one sitting. I’m more motivated to read Saint Maria’s book a few pages at a time instead.

This is terrible big time when I’m not too motivated to read a book too much in one sitting. Ugh big time.

Also I like reading “Dark Lover.” I like the bonus material in that book so far. I’m pretty sure “Dark Lover” got new material in the book that’s bound to make it more romance. I think the original “Dark Lover” wasn’t seen very romance at all hence the author coming out with a newer version. I sort of like the newer version from what I’m reading so far. It’s a rather entertaining book from what I’m reading.

That's what's I'm finding is amusing.

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Story I'm working on....

May. 24th, 2016 | 07:41 pm
mood: creativecreative

The Guardian of Life and Death wound up faced with the soul of Jinks Montreal as he spoke “Begin Program.”
The Guardian wound up eyed the mental gated arch a travelers’ gate to see if flash an image of a male wearing furry skin clothing from head to foot.
He heard "You had to show this poor soul didn't you?"
Guardian heard nothing in response to the female’s question instead kept on watching
Guardian spoke as the traveler’s gate ended images “I am the Guardian of Life and Death. I will judge you on my scales of your life.”
The soul standing in front of the Guardian wound up having their soul taken out and put onto the scales of the Guardian of Life and Death. The scales tipped back and forth till it ended onto one side heavy sided indicated. There was a feminine shriek of joy heard by the soul and the Guardian.
The soul wound up back into the body appearing to be a male this time as the Guardian spoke “Life is chosen for you. Be gone out of Egyptia to where you’re to go.”
The Guardian wound up putting clawed hands in front of his mouth into a blow movement and the soul found themselves flying out of Egyptia as the place of the dead’s judgment was called. The soul traveled till they reached a body of a young male aged in twenties and entered him. The male woke up with a start opening Human blue eyes lying on a one person bed in a room with tan brown walls. He could see the room was narrow and thin with one full arm length from the bed’s longest sides. He got up from the bed and stood up shaking his head then rubbed a hand on his head through his black wavy hair that fell just below his shoulders. He went to the bed to sit and frowned as a memory of himself wearing odd clothing that made him think it was strange on his form flashed in his mind. The clothes he saw was foreign showing slipper shoes on his feet, tights, a top that was long sleeve and some vest dress covered his form. He grimaced as he saw some sneering look was on his face while seated on an animal. He figured out from memory was a horse with others behind him wearing identical clothes some having faces bared. He saw that they were all males like him some with facial hair and seated on horses while some were standing. The young male grimaced of the memory from him self’s facial expression that bothered him. He recalled himself dismounted along with ten other men and started walking on a grass fields his facial appearance changing from sneering to glare. The young male frowned thinking of the dream unsure of whom he was fully in his mind. He recalled to himself dreaming repeatedly for a few nights of a male wearing some outfit of blue leggings white slipper shoes, with a picture of a red bird onto a white tunic while wearing a crown of yellow gold with red rubies onto it.
The male spoke as always the same comment “You’ll remember who you are. You will acknowledge me.”
The young male recalled given the name of Jinks Montreal by the mysterious voice in his mind. The voice’s owner mysteriously refused to explain why they had him given his name. Jinks found himself out of his body via transportation to a house inside kept inside. He found himself paced inside the house looking out the window. The light was gone and the stars were shining with a maelstrom of yellowy like sky. He grumbled remembering the argument with Tank a Meritanian. He was trapped into the Hall of One Thousand Voices’ tube since the High Council captured him and cloned multiple times. Jinks recalled the argument with Tank involved himself freed from containment and freed to live his life on planet Aire as the world was called instead of the Shadan name.
Tank had balked freeing him instead told him in response “Stop asking me that request. I’m so sick of hearing that silly request from you. So stop asking me.”
Jinks had obeyed in response and quit asking Tank instead had started to plead to Merra “Free me now, Merra!”
Merra in response echoed Tank’s words in a feminine voice tone followed by snickering like laughter in response as she and Tank told jokes. He felt disgust in response gave up that noise and kept on listening to the other voices in the Hall of One Thousand Voices.
Jinks figuring to he “I’m not going to get freed from this prison. Ugh.”
He heard a voice speaking in response to his comment “This prison is for people contained for their safety while planet Aire undergoes a problem at the moment.”
Jinks grunted in response to the familiar voice sounding feminine and familiar to him but sounded Meritanian instead of Merra’s voice. He figured the feminine voice belonged to Erra or Terra but wasn’t sure which Meritanian spoke that wording. Jinks felt disgust take hold as he remained into the Hall of One Thousand Voices to his disgust.
He heard yipping of a dog barking including hearing “Shut up that damned mongrel now!”
Jinks spoke in response “Language isn’t appropriate!”
He heard in response “Oh go to sleep, daddy!”
Jinks frowned hearing the word daddy spoken aimed at him as he heard the voice sounded feminine and familiar to him like he knew her someplace. Jinks frowned but didn’t comment a response as he found himself passing out unconscious.

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Depressed on weekends

May. 21st, 2016 | 03:48 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I wound up sick with number two triggering the voice to go off on and off. It sucked big time to put up with that inner noises. Yuck didn’t appreciate it at all.

I could have gone outside for a walk but I only went to the laundry room where I had to wait to use the washer. The washer was in use actually. I did read a bit of a book by Saint Maria the polish saint while I waited for a washer to be free. I read bit of her diary actually is what that book is about.

Well during that diary reading I wound up text emailed by mom for phoning. I wound up onto the phone twice once to swear vulgarity because mom was ignoring me. The second phone call mom picked up despite me over ten minutes late actually. Ugh. I wound up on the phone for like fifteen minutes. Mom ended call abruptly on the rude side. She had things to do. Ugh.

After phone call I wound up doing laundry at the blue house instead of at dad’s house as suggested by mom. I opt to not to haul my laundry to dad’s house instead I did laundry at the blue house. Ugh I used the outside entrance when walking in and out of the laundry room but I used the inner inside entrance for suitcase hauling. Ugh.

There were poop bombs of doggy shit on the grass hence I avoiding using my suitcase to haul that thing through the grass. Instead I used the inside entrance despite it looking like it was freshly painted. Ugh again.

Ugh number two caused the voice to blare last night scaring me. Ugh again.

I was up for hours till like midnight is when the voice quit attacking me or scaring me. I tried to read a book but the paranoia bothered me so I went onto the computer to edit this story “Eric Reborn.” I wound up finishing the edits as a result. Yay me!

Also I could have posted that story “Eric Reborn” online Smashwords last night but I couldn’t think of an explanation paragraph involving that story while having the voice attacking me at the time. Instead I wound up forming a book cover then after that I went to bed when the voice quit its attack onto me. Ugh.

I did assume that I was tired hence the voice’s attack. I tried twice to sleep off the attack but the paranoia bothered me and the voice made me think I’ll have an interrupted sleep. So I wound up onto the computer editing this short story as a result. It’s just something to do while away my time with the voice’s attack. Ugh.

After the attack quit bothering me is when I went to bed in the wee hour of the midnight time frame. I slept till morning of seven o’clock woken up by bladder urges to pee. Ugh. I tried to sleep some more but couldn’t due to the voice attacking me with its familiar question. Ugh the voice!

I took a shower which before I got wet the voice told me “It’s too early.”
I meant the time frame of when I showered was around the seven fifteen time frame. I don’t normally shower during the seven o’clock time hour instead I shower after that time. Since I was up I figured a shower would do me some good so I did that.

I showered warmly despite the voice telling me once I was done with the shower “I told you not to shower too warmly.”
Sometimes the voice tells me when I’m about to shower “Don’t shower too warmly.”

Also wound up eating some food as a result. Mostly because the time wasn’t time for me to take my pills so I ate anyway. I was hungry last night because of feeling like I didn’t eat enough food for dinner. It sucked big time to go to bed with that feeling in my stomach.

Ugh think this hungry is reason why hence I attacked by the voice. Yuck involving number two. Don’t care for that shitty fact that the number two got the schizophrenia going attacking me. Ugh.

Also I aim to rope dad into driving me around town so I can do errands such as going to school library to drop off donations. I found some books on hand I might as well donate when I get the chance to do it. Also I figured it shouldn’t be a problem to bug dad into taking me grocery shopping.

I ate the last of my fruit last night hence I didn’t eat much for dinner. I should have eaten more food as a result but I didn’t bother. I was hit with number two at the time of five o’clock hour while I was eating my food. The number two crap in the bathroom ruined my appetite for eating more foods. This sucks big time when that has to happen. Ugh.

Also I was expecting mom to be free for a phone call at six o’clock which she wasn’t. She ignored me text emailing her for a reply till seven o’clock is when I phoned her to whine of this ignorance. She picked up as a result of me trying to leave a message.

I was on the phone for over an hour till eight thirty is when we signed off. I noticed at that time after I was done phoning is when I felt like I was hungry enough to eat. I didn’t eat anything because of how late the evening hour it was for food eating. Ugh.

I think around ten o’clock is when the voice attacked me involving number two. I tried to go onto the computer ignoring the TV left on. I tried to sleep the attack off but couldn’t. I wound up onto the computer as a result of trying to get my mind off the inner noises. It sucks big time to be attacked.

Also while I was laying in bed the voice’s attack made me think of being on the computer. So I wound up obeying to that thought and was on the computer till midnight is when the voice quit attacking me.

I did have some thoughts of me being tired hence the voice’s attack. I thought that thought because I tried to sleep off the attack twice but couldn’t. I wound up onto the computer as a result till the voice quit scaring me. Ugh.

The scaring of the voice involved when I was sure I could sleep despite having number two late that night around eleven thirty. Ugh. It was a small amount of solid waste when I went to the bathroom. It’s disgusting that this bathroom’s case had to trigger the voice to go off as a result. Don’t care for this shitty issue except I get to sleep the best I can. Ugh.

Sam gave me a cat’s version of a hug while I was on the computer last night. I guess she was concerned for me so she gave me a nice hug then walked off. I found the baby cat on my bed last night when I crashed. Cutie was snoozing right where I sleep in my bed. I guess she likes to smell me so cute aw.

“Have a good day love you mom” mom text emailed me around nine o’clock.
Well a few minutes before that time. I should reply but I don’t even know of what to say to her. I suck big time when I’m not big on replying to people’s text emails via cell phone. I can reply to Facebook’s text emails but not the cell phone.

This morning I posted “Eric Reborn” online Smashwords. Yay me!

I even did a book cover to that story last night but this morning I posted the story online. I did think of a good paragraph to describe the story as a result. The paragraph turned out ok as far as I know of. Ugh.

Also I’ve been meaning to have more stories self published online Smashwords but I’m just not entirely sure of what stories I should self publish. Ugh again.

Plus I haven’t been in the mood for self publishing lengthy stories. Instead I’ve been doing short stories some are a few thousand words long. I do ask for a fee for those stories despite their adult content. Ugh I don’t care for a kid to accidentally download the story and get influenced by the adult content in it. Yuck.

Baby cutie cuddle bummed me this morning. It was rather nice to wake up to her royal cuteness cuddling me. I like that waking up to her.

Baby cat did get onto my front during my sleep and licked my face bare of an eye wear mask galore. Cutie seemed to be concerned for me hence she kneading my front and licking my face. It was rather nice to have her do that aw cute.

“Sounds like a pretty relaxing and productive day” Janet said at nine o’clock.
This is her response to my text email via Facebook this morning around the seven o’clock hour. Ugh. She’s hardly very talkative via text emails in Facebook. I guess she’s talkative with someone else than with me. Oh well.

I sent Maureen a lengthy text email via Facebook.
The message is just multiple paragraphs ending with the message of “TTYL8R on flip side.”

I always end my messages to Maureen with that commentary wording. I don’t bother adding much commentary to that message besides that ending part. I find if I don’t do that message I get upset and annoyed and picked on by the voice so I end my messages to Maureen with that saying as a result. Ugh.

Thursday I wound up roped by dad to go to his house for cats feeding around the five o’clock to six o’clock hour. Ugh. He told me of the cats feeding request around twelve thirty. Ugh stressed me out as a result.

I wound up sweating a lot via armpits area as a result of waiting forever till it was time to go to dad’s house to feed his cats. Ugh also made up my mind to eat dinner first then go to dad’s house. I had to wait till like five o’clock to eat my full dinner then after that I walked to dad’s house.

I wound up with the voice chanting “Are you forgetting something?”
The voice chanted just prior to me leaving to dad’s house. Ugh I think somewhere on the way to dad’s house the voice triggered my paranoia to go off the charts.

Yuck I wound up at dad’s house. I only saw Willow walking into dad’s bedroom. I didn’t see the other carts. I assumed they were in dad’s bedroom I didn’t look around instead feed the cats wet food then after that marched myself out of his house and speed walked myself home despite paranoia and voice going off the charts as a result. Ugh.

I got home with paranoia aggravated by the voice and wound up taking a cold shower then put on my pajamas. I wound up having to wash my water bottle including my face and teeth then went onto the computer.

I was tempted to snooze off the attack of paranoia and voice going but I didn’t bother. I wound up just reading this story onto my computer involving changing the character of that story from third person to first person. I made that story appearing to be a character’s telling the tale to grandchildren. Something like that I guess.

Oh well.

Friday I text emailed dad to take me out using words “Please and thanks.”
He agreed and gave me a time of one o’clock. Dad arrived early actually five minutes early or maybe earlier than that till I noticed him out the window.


I wound up going to the town library where I bought a book by James Patterson involving his Maximum Ride series. I have no idea if those books are brand new of the series or just new cover designs to make them more interesting. I’ll have to get around to reading those damned paperback when I get the chance to do it.

Ugh again.

I also wound up buying a book by Nora Roberts. I bought the hardcover to the series Chesapeake Bay series. I’ve been meaning to buy the e-books of that series but haven’t yet. Oh well. I bought the last book in the four book series called “Chesapeake Blue.” I thought that book would be a good buy so I bought it.

After that the total for the two books cost me a dollar and fifty cents which I paid via two bucks. The librarian made me fork over thirty cents because of a late fine involving a library book. Ugh not happy about that shit at all. It sucks big time when I had to use the quarters to pay for the library fine then get twenty cents back as a result. Ugh not happy about that fact.

Also I could have used the quarters for laundry today but I didn’t bother. It sucked big time to get dimes back for my coins purse. Ugh.

Anyway I wound up checking out two library books by Nora Roberts. One was the third book in her “Born In” trilogy called “Born in Shame” I’ve been meaning to read. I’ve read the other two books so far so I’m aiming to read the third when I get the chance.

I also checked out “Worth the Risk” a two story book also by Nora Roberts. I don’t recall ever reading that book so I checked it out. After that was to stop and shop where I bought food but omitted some foods I forgot to buy. Ugh hate that forgetting. Ugh again.

Also dad gave me forty dollars for the cats’ feeding job. I was inclined to take in fifteen dollars but dad gave me forty dollars so I’m not going to protest to that forty dollar payment.

I bought groceries then I went home. I wound up exchanging my clothes to t-shirt and shorts. I did change into a pair of sweats as a result. Not the sweats I’ve worn earlier that day. I’ve figured I’ll wear them after I finish cleaning around here. Ugh.

Maureen text emailed me to expect Eddie at eleven o’clock for cleaning. Ugh not going to be staying up so late. I might as well stay up till eleven o’clock in the evening then crash and hope for the best in my sleep then welcome Eddie for the cleaning in the morning ugh.

Well Eddie arrived for cleaning like Maureen said one morning. He cleaned the kitchen. I already vacuumed around my home before he arrived so he noticed that cleaned status. Nice.

I didn't go out that day instead I stayed home entertaining miss fur coat with slobbering kisses and hugs. I don't get it how that cat can withstand those slobbering kisses and hugs I give her cuteness galore. I just don't get it at all.

After Eddie's visit was the nurse's afternoon visit. She text emailed me expecting me to be free for a visit that day. Ugh I couldn't go out to eat like I expected myself to do. Instead I had to stay home and stuff my face full of crappy foods while I waited for the nurse to arrive.

The nurse arrived and found my vitals fine. She balked my request for taking my extra copies of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. I'm not entirely sure of what to do with those extra copies. I either read them or just read the e-books version. Not entirely sure of which to do. Ugh oh well.

I hate weekends in town. The weekends always depresses me when I'm stuck at home entertaining the cat and eating nothing but crappy junk food. This stinks big time when I get depressed every damn weekend. Ugh.

I always get depressed when school isn't in session for the summer despite having some summer classes. I don't bother taking some summer classes very much. I just don't anyway. I could have taken some summer courses but I'll need the money saved on hand for that. College is expensive nowadays. It stinks big time when college classes are really expensive at community colleges. Ugh really annoying!

Also when school isn't in session for fall and spring I get depressed because my friends I know from college aren't around for the summer months. Instead their just on vacation and at their homes having stuff done. This sucks big time when I'm depressed as a result of that lack of school college in session for my friends to hang around. Ugh.

Hence I'm depressed and stuck taking Prozac for my depression as a result.

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Bedtime stuff I noticed

May. 17th, 2016 | 09:18 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

“You should be in bed.” said the schizophrenia while I was in the bathroom.
I was dizzy from staring at the computer so I got up to hit the toilet and just give myself a break from staring at that thing. Ugh the schizophrenia interfered and mentioned its comment.

Ooh I should be in bed like the schizophrenia said.
“I wonder what time I should go to bed?” I thought to myself.
“Ten o’clock. Take your pill. Go to bed.” says the schizophrenia in response to my question.

Ugh I’m just tired tonight but not entirely sure of how late I should stay up.
“Go to bed!” I’m hearing from the schizophrenia.

Also once this show “Love it or List it” is over I’m going to bed like the schizophrenia ordered me in an insisting tone of voice. I’m not staying up so late anyway. I’m too tired and too lazy to bother to keep the one o’clock bedtime in the morning. I prefer to keep the ten o’clock bedtime because I’m tired like hell. Ugh.

Plus the tinnitus has been noisy all damn day. I do hope the noise doesn’t turn into voice’s talk or I’ll be up for hours reading a damn book as a result.

I’m sure that the staring at the computer isn’t going to be helpful when I get a voice’s attack. I’m sure that last night’s staring wrecked me up hence I getting a voice’s attack tonight. I’m hoping I don’t get a voice’s attack tonight but it might hit me when I’m tired enough to crash into bed. Ugh.

I’m hoping that my sleep in bed cuts the voice’s attack off so I can get some rest. I deserved to get some well deserved sleep as I hoped. Ugh again.

Ugh the voice attacked me Saturday night around the ten o’clock hour. I guess I was tired as heck. Ugh I noticed when I’m tired is when the voice attacks me. Ooh I wound up crashing around the ten o’clock hour after taking my pill the Saphris. Then I slept fine till morning of seven o’clock.

I considered sleeping some more but rejected that idea. Also baby cutie was a cuddle bum onto me morning so I gave her some nice attention. She went to TV watch via blinds of the sliding door. I let her do that instead of chasing her cuteness off.

Oh well.

I wound up into the mood to type something so I typed an email to Janet who replied. I haven’t read her email yet. I signed out online soon after she read my email. I figured I’ll go type onto the computer my thoughts instead. It’s just something to amuse myself for awhile.


Plus I’ve got to text email mom for phoning soon after I shower and take my pills. I did eat some food but I didn’t take my pills yet. It’s not time for pills yet. Ugh. I hate being all over the place in the morning for taking my pills.

“I need to consider doing laundry but I’ll be fighting with the neighbors for use of machines.” My thoughts while in the bathroom eyeing my laundry basket.
Voice said in response “Do laundry at dad’s house.”
Ugh meant hauling that suitcase full of clothes to dad’s house and doing laundry there while entertaining his stinky cats and dad himself in bed asleep. Ugh not what I had in mind anyway.

Also Maureen hasn’t been online in hours posting stuff. Ugh I like it when Maureen bothers to read my emails but she hasn’t yet. I guess she’s busy doing interpreting graduations this weekend like she said she would. Pity poor Maureen stuck doing that interpreting.

I text emailed mom via cell phone and received ignorance. I swear she’s sleeping late in the morning again. Ugh pity mom was sick with a sinus headache yesterday. Now I guess she’s hit with that today. Poor mom’s sick with sinuses hurting her today oh well.

I wound up sick in the bathroom with heavy number two. I’m surprised the voice hasn’t commented a word in response to me sick in the bathroom. Usually the voice comments some wording when I’m sick in the bathroom or before I go number two. Sometimes the voice chants comments after I go to the bathroom number two. I’m just surprised I didn’t get anything this morning while sick in the bathroom. Ugh.

Also I took my pills around the eight thirty time frame including some breakfast so that’s probably playing a factor in the silence of the voice in my mind. Ugh could be that or maybe it’s just that time of morning where I don’t get voice’s chatter. Either that or the lack of chatter involves the pill I took earlier. I’m not entirely sure of that.

Mom text emailed me but her line was busy. I hate it when mom text emails me and has her line busy when I ring her back. Really rude of mom to do that phoning joke onto me!

“It’s me who’s annoyed! Your line is busy when I ranged you up! Get off phone or text email me!” my message to her cell phone.
I’m just impatiently waiting for her response to her damned line being busy. Really rude of mom to do that to me!

“Got work love you mom” her text email response.
Ugh couldn’t she be more descriptive in her text emails to me.
Like saying what’s her work shift for today is besides that line of “got work?”
Jeez mom!

Since mom’s working I’ll have to rope dad into driving me around town for errands including to Torrington for donation to the goodwill store including to the dump for dumping those boxes of journals. Ugh. Also town library for dumping those library books I don’t want to read or finish.

“I love my cute baby bundle of fur.” I sang mentally towards the baby kitten.
The baby cute kitten was tummy sitting onto the floor looking pet able and cute. Aw. I love it when the baby cat tummy sits on the floor. She sure looks cute enough to rub my hands onto her furry back. She’s so cute.

I wound up with heavy number two in the bathroom that got the voice going its familiar question "Are you forgetting something?"
Sometimes the voice says "Forgetting some."

I wound up sitting down in the armchair TV watching “Property Brothers: Buying and Selling” on HGTV channel. Ugh. Baby cute kitten couldn’t help being cold so she sat on my lap despite me having a noisy head. Poor baby cutie was cold as usual this morning. Poor cute baby kitten aw.

Also I did crashing for a nap via armchair with the baby cat sitting on my lap. She even fell asleep while on my lap as a result of me snoozing there. I had some muse talk dreams as a result. I’m not entirely sure if I can type that muse talk idea down or not.

Oh well sucks big time anyway.

I did text emailing dad to take me out. He gave me a time of one o’clock which he arrived five minutes early. I stuffed my journals into bags and carried all four bags to his car where he stuffed them into his trunk of his SUV. After that was to the town library where I dropped off two library books one was “Written in Red” I didn’t finish.

I couldn’t find myself motivated to finish that book “Written in Red.” I figured I’ll finish that damn book later. It shouldn’t be a problem anyway. I also dropped off another library book “Murder of Crows” also by Anne Bishop. That book is book two in “The Others” series by the author Anne Bishop I didn’t bother to read. I figured when I’m in the mood again I’ll check those two books out again just when I feel up to it.

I wound up buying “City of Ashes” by Cassandra Clare and “Born Confused” by an Indian female with an Indian name. I haven’t really read “Born Confused” in awhile so I thought I would try that book again when the mood strikes me.

I also bought “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins. I bought the movie version of Collins’ book series book one. I thought “The Hunger Games” would be a good buy so I got the book.

All three books cost me a dollar and fifty cents so I made a good buy anyway.

After that we went was dad’s house where he picked up garbage for the recycling center the dump. We went to the dump. I helped dad dump my useless journals into the recycling bin and then took a look and see in the dump’s store. I didn’t find any books worth buying.

I did find Stephenie Meyer’s “Eclipse” in hardcover. Since I already have copies of that book in hardcover and in e-book formats I didn’t buy the dump’s copy version. Instead I found the dump was too trashy for my standards so I walked out and went to the car.

Dad drove me to CVS where I picked up prescriptions of Prozac and Geodon including blowing practically almost all of my money onto a book journal. I was hoping on using that book journal as a gymnastics’ scrapbook for pasting and posting pictures of gymnasts into that notebook. I thought a book journal would be appropriate than a spiral bound notebook.


After that was grocery shopping but the store’s food option weren’t good for me. Mostly the frozen food’s options were out of service due to a power outage that lasted an hour according to dad.

Ugh again.

I wasn’t able to buy many foods like I hoped. I only bought about fifteen bucks worth of foods that weren’t refrigerator able with some change via food stamp card.

Ugh sucks big time anyway.

After that I went home where I snacked onto a banana and turned the TV onto HGTV channel. Their airing a marathon of “Beachfront Bargain Hunt” show involving house hunters finding homes at the beach for bargain prices of below four hundred thousand dollars. Ugh boring me to tears actually.

I think the power outage earlier that hit the town caused my computer service to be slow. I think the power outage explains why I had slow internet connections. Ugh plus slowness involving my computer doing anything for me. Yuck how terrible big time anyway.

Anyway I had to shut down the computer and go focus onto the TV watching HGTV crappy shows till they showed that marathon of “Beachfront Bargain Hunt.” I’m just wondering when they’ll show interior design shows besides house hunting crap. I don’t care for their programs on HGTV except “Fixer Upper” and “Property Brothers.” Those two shows are what I can stand involving that damn channel. Ugh yuck.

Baby cutie was found snoozing on my bed which I gave her kisses on the snout. She was so tolerant of those kisses. Aw cute. Plus the baby cute kitten watched me exchanged my clothes from thick red t-shirt and pants to shorts and a thinner t-shirt.

I wound up hot as a result of being home from grocery shopping. Hauling in those bags of food always wears me out including makes me hot hence the clothes exchanged. Also I was pretty much exhausted from hauling into dad’s car those bags of journals including hauling them from his car to the dump’s recycling bin. Ugh couldn’t wait to get home to eat.

Oh well.

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The joys of scrapbooking...

May. 13th, 2016 | 08:33 pm
mood: creativecreative

I love my cat a lot to say lovely dove messages of love to her cuteness into my journals. I love that little munchkin. I love my cute little baby bundle of fur. Aw love that little munchkin galore. Love that cat too much to slobber kisses and hug fests her. Aw she’s so cute.

I woke up one morning around 7 a.m. with the cutest cat sitting on my front. She licked my face galore then accepted me petting her back. She’s so cute when she kneads me. Aw love that fur ball galore. She’s cute.

Anyway I woke up and thought I could sleep some more but decided against it. I wound up with a splitting sinus headache as a result. Ugh I didn’t feel like sleeping some more so I woke up and lathered attention onto miss fur coat. She’s cute like I said.

Also I showered warmly around the seven o’clock hour.
The voice said “It’s too early.”
Kept on saying that comment when I was about to shower. Really rude!

Also I wound up showering fine but after I showered I got hot from the shower.
The voice said “I told you not to shower so warmly.”
Ugh really annoying.

After that shower Sam demanded food so I fed her royal highness the baby cat some dry food. She happily munched onto that then thanked me by giving me hugs her version via rubbing onto my legs. So cute!

Speaking of the baby cute kitten she’s gone to tummy sit nearby me. She’s mostly staring at me and looking elsewhere while seated on the floor in a cute tummy sits position. She makes me want to run my hand down her cute furry back. She’s cute.

I’ve meant to read and finish “Written in Red” by Anne Bishop. Problem is I haven’t been in the mood for that damn book. I’ve managed to read halfway through Bishop’s book so far. I haven’t been able to read more of that. I think that book is rather interesting so far but my motivation to read and finish that book isn't there much. I’m just hoping I can get around to finishing “Written in Red” before the due date of May nineteenth is when it’s due back at the town library. I might have to return that book unfinished one of those days. I'm just not motivated on reading more of that book. Ugh.

Also I’m currently in progress of reading Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska’s diary book. I figured I’ll read that book before bed most nights when I feel inclined. It shouldn’t be a problem for me to read that book during the day when I feel up to it.

I've so far had a stressful week of Eddie's visit to clean the bathroom. Then I’ve got Melissa coming for two days at five thirty. I have to figure out what to do with Melissa when’s she’s here for an hour or more. Ugh just not sure of what to do with her other than doing some painting of birdhouses and frames. Ugh again but that’ll be entertaining anyway.

Humph I had Melissa here which I tried onto some clothes in private then did a fashion show to her. She approved some clothes but thought some of them needed coverage. Oh well. We wound up painting frames and birdhouses including decorating them. Then we did coloring via coloring books. Seems entertaining.

Melissa talked about her car's problem as a source of her talk and why's she's late. She was late two days in a row. Anyway I don't have anything scheduled with her for the following week or anything else involving her. Yay me because it was stressful entertaining Melissa. Ugh really stressful.

I text emailed mom via cell phone “Its Beth its 745a I’m up so text email me mews phone wise.” this morning.
Some message sort of along the lines like that anyway. Now I have to wait forever for mom’s text email for phoning morning. Ugh not happy about that waiting. Ugh.

I sort of have to sit around waiting for mom’s text email including waiting till the time’s 10 a.m. to see if mom's not going to text email me. Ugh hate this endless waiting. This waiting sucks big time anyway.

Also I could have read a book while having the TV on blaring but I got to pay attention to the doorbell sensor going off for visitors. Ugh sucks big time when I can barely finish reading "Written in Red." I just don't get it why I can't seem to finish that damn book. It stinks big time anyway. Oh might be bored of that book hence my lack of motivation. Ugh.

Baby cutie hid while I was vacuuming the bedroom and living room. I spotted the baby kitten walking around in sight. She’s cute when she’s curious. Aw.

Out of boredom I bought a bunch of books off Better World Books’ site on eBay. Ugh. It sucks big time when I do that buying but the total’s price was less than twenty bucks. I’m fine for now involving my checking account. I got more than fifty bucks into checking so I’m hoping to keep it that much. I’m hoping to keep the amount in checking to be more than fifty bucks. It’s the same in savings just as long as I can keep fifty dollars into there I’ll be happy as a clam.

Maureen contacted me via Facebook chat option on my cell phone. I had to quit the TV and focused onto the cell phone and onto the computer while I go type my thoughts down. Ugh.

The books which one I’ve bought were Queen Noor’s autobiography “My Leap of Faith.” I’ve read that before but didn’t really remember much of that book very good hence I ordering a copy to read again. Ugh I’ve meant to read that once I have that damn book in hand.

Ugh oh well ordered a set of the “Twilight Saga” by Stephenie Meyer that came in a box for like less than seven dollars. I thought I would add more books by Meyer’s “Twilight Saga” into my collection. Mostly I am seeing what the books in that collection come out looking like. Its supposedly be in their own box or something like that. I’ll just have to wait and see when I get the set in the mail.

I ordered two books by Kerri Strug that is her autobiographies. One is a kids’ book while the other is “Landing on my Feet” an autobiography book further onto her life. I thought I would order copies of that to tote around publicity instead of the signed books I got at home. Ugh I like having copies of books that are signed for me to read and tote around. I just do.

I wound up with Melissa’s visit around five o’clock when I was eating food. Ugh. I had to rush eat my food then entertain her with a fashion show involving clothes I was trying on. I also wound up giving up clothes that couldn’t fit me as a result. It sucked big time to give up some good pairs of pants because I couldn’t fit into them. Ugh.

After that around the 6 p.m. hour I wound up attacked by the voice when I was sick in the bathroom number two galore. I wound up ignoring Melissa to go type onto the computer some muse talk. She noticed me doing that but didn’t ask me the actual reason for it.

Oh well I had to wait fifteen minutes till she actually left. Ugh to my relief.

Also I wound up attacked by the voice a lengthy time period of time till like midnight is when it quit scaring me. Ugh I kept on hitting the bathroom for number two over and over. It sucked big time to have that sickness hit me. Yuck!

I wound up fixing up a story to be self published online Smashwords. I just have to fix that up when I get the chance to do it some more. Ugh that story isn’t ready for self publishing yet. I have to figure out what to title that story and where to put that story into my Edenia series. Ugh.

I wound up quitting the computer around 11:30 p.m. fed up with using that thing. I wound up reading a bit of a story via ratty book. Nice story enough to get the voice to quit bothering me. More likely got the tinnitus to sing instead of the voices’ talk as a result.

Story I emailed to dad and Anne via my email account is titled "Pave's Promise." I’m just going to text email dad that I emailed that story to him. I figured I’ll ask him for his opinion on the story and hope for the best. Ugh also I mentioned that story from another story so I thought I would do a version of that book I mentioned in another story. Sort of my version of that story actually. Just entertaining me.

Baby cutie cuddle bummed me again in the morning after I got up for the bathroom. Cutie was so cute doing that cuddling. I love that little munchkin galore. She’s such a cute little kitten. Aw love her too much to slather kisses onto her including gathering her into my arms for hug fests. She’s so tolerant of that. Aw cute!

Baby cutie’s gone to hide somewhere not sure where. I guess the weather must be raining and storming now that she’s hiding underneath my damn bed again. Dumb cat dumb animal doesn’t get it involving the thunder and lightening storms. Ugh oh well.

Also wound up sick today with heavy number two. I swear something I’ve eaten either today or the previous day made me sick today. This sucks big time when I’m friends with the toilet today. Ugh also got the tinnitus noisy as heck including getting a bit of the voice's chatter. I hate that fact that the voice talks when I'm in the bathroom doing number two. I don't like that damned reminder. This sucks big time!

Mom text emailed me. Yay or rats! Mom kept call short as thirty minutes. She was whining or complaining of her sinus hurting and not feeling good. Plus the operator kept on spelling “Sinus” as “Science.” Ugh. Also operator hung up the call after we each gave up our lovely dove message. Really rude!

After the phone call I wound up turning onto the TV to the HGTV channel. I’m not doing much tonight besides the HGTV channel binge watching till like eleven o’clock is when I’m going to bed and snooze.

I’m not staying up till one o’clock in the morning again like I did this morning. Yuck. I was busy typing ideas for a short story titled "Pave's Promise" down so I did that. It was rather entertaining doing that typing. I didn’t mind but when around one o’clock arrived I quit the computer and took my pill then crashed. Ugh.

I did wound up with ideas for finishing that story I was working on so I did that this morning. After that I spent today trying to amuse myself. I wound up looking through boxes in the closet that had journals in them. I figured I’ll throw them out or get them shredded like nuts. Ugh shouldn’t be a problem anyway.

I finished a writing journal today. Yay me! Also I have to figure out what notebook or journal I should use for pasting and taping pictures of gymnasts into it like a scrapbook. I think I’ll go to CVS and buy a five subject notebook and use that for pasting and taping pictures and make that as my scrapbook.

I’m not entirely sure if there are notebooks like three ring binders nowadays. Not entirely sure if that’s paper notebooks is what’s people are using for writing materials when it comes to schooling. I have no idea if students are still using them for that. Not sure.

Anyway I figured I’ll just buy stock in CVS’ five subject notebooks and just use them as scrapbooks. Nice idea but I got to get around to buying them and using them galore. Also get around to cutting out pictures from gymnastics magazines I don’t care to save on hand and just use them for scrap booking fun. It’ll be entertaining anyway.

Plus I have to save the covers of journals I favor. Mostly I tearing out the paper written words I've used and shredding them. But saving the journals' who's covers are what I like. I wouldn't mind doing that but I'm not sure if the schizophrenia would agree.
It's saying "Bad idea toss them out."

Ugh sucks big time when I can't win when it comes to ideas involving me trying to think. It sucks anyway when the schizophrenia shreds me and my thinking enough to think like an idiot sometimes. Ugh really annoying!

Also I'm idiotic when it comes to crossing roads and walking in parking lots. Mom worries about me getting hit by cars. She keeps up the protection when we cross roads and parking lots. Dad couldn't care less and doesn't bother doing that at all. Ugh don't know what's up with that behavior from Dad and Mom. Oh well.

Plus tinnitus has been noisy today that I can't hear myself think very good. I don't even know if the food I'm eating is making the tinnitus really noisy. Some of that tinnitus' noises sounds like voice's gibberish.

It's really annoying when I wound up with this inner noises' problem. Ugh.

I just aimed to take my pill at ten o'clock then wait an hour or thirty minutes or whatever and just crash into bed. I'm not staying up till one o'clock in the morning like I did working on this story "Pave's Promise."

This staying up really annoyed me too much but I had the muse talking at the time including the mood to type muse talk. So I stayed up till I got to the point of the story where I was sure I ended it and crashed into bed.

"Pave's Promise" left me thinking of some ideas for ending that story while in bed asleep. I wound up thinking of that idea as a result when I fell into bed. I woke up this morning and filled in that ending scene so I'm happy as a cat purring its motorboat off. Cute anyway.

I've meaning to finish some other stories I've got on file to finish them and fill in the blanks of the outlines. I haven't bothered to do that yet. I'm just hoping I can fill in those outlines and get the stories online Smashwords self published like I hoped. Ugh.

Also I'll have to take some nice pictures of some nature setting via cell phone and email that photo to myself via computer and hope to download it. Ugh. I hate having to take photos from internet but I don't care to cause trouble with someone doing that copyright status with their photo with my stories.

Ugh sucks big time!

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