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A Rant

Apr. 30th, 2017 | 03:17 pm
mood: annoyedannoyed

I wonder if those rude science fiction fantasy magazines are rejecting my work on purpose or something to do with my damn name?! Screw those magazines for that rude attitude!

Also I wound up daydreaming of a story idea I was hoping to type down but I couldn’t get myself into the mood to do this typing. The entire thing I could do was copy and pastes some story idea I already typed with another story and put it into a separate file. Ugh I hate the fact that I can’t type anything stories wise like I hoped. Damn this mood! All I could do was my journal or an email to people. Damn this typing mood of mine!

I hate it when I can barely type anything stories wise down even when I daydream of a good idea. Ugh, I hate this fact that I’m stuck keeping those damned ideas into my head. This inability to type stories down sucks!

I was hoping to make a living as a writer but the public for not buying my stories and those damned magazines for refusing to accept my work. I already read those magazines and they should have accepted my stories. They didn’t which they should go to hell for that rejection.

I read one magazine that had stories that had nothing to do with the science fiction fantasy genre. The entirely issue bored me to tears about wrestling, alternative history, and murder. Not what I expected from them and that magazine!

Also annoying is I don’t have much money left to pay for frivolous things online. My bank account is practically zero in money from all that e-book sales and buying those e-books.


This is the same for my wallet when I tried to save money but could barely have anything into there for saving for later. I hate this inability to save money into my book bank safe. I find I’m always yanking money out of there galore.

Plus annoying is the public refusing to buy my Edenia series stories or bothering to post reviews to help me out with learning what I need to do with those stories. All I’m getting is conversations and negative talk than anything positive involving my stories.

Excuse my language into here but I'm in a bad annoyed mood at the moment with my inability to type stories down. I expected this morning to type stories down including one idea i kept on daydreaming over and over.
The voice ruined my mood by saying "I doubt that you can type."
my mood to type anything stories wise was gone out the window when i sat at the computer. Really voice?!

I found myself unable to type anything stories' wise despite editing some paragraphs of stories I had on file. Ugh, story of my life.

All i can do involving my writing is recycling stories to have this character's point of view including a theme other than what i originally typed. I can't seem to convince myself or the damn voice to let me type down newer ideas or finish some short stories despite thinking of ideas to finish them. This sucks big time!

This is really annoying when I expect to be a writer but myself isn't cooperating when it comes to typing ideas down and crafting stories i expected to type down. Ugh i hate this anyway. this isn't what i had in mind to put up with when it comes to my inability to type stories down even if the voice ruins my mood. Ugh!

Hence my angry rants into here. This is really annoying!

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Bad weekend

Apr. 30th, 2017 | 02:57 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Ugh Friday night was marred by a bad attack of schizophrenia. I tried to sleep off that attack twice but couldn’t. Ugh, sucks big time. Also the attack bothered my paranoia and made it worse for me to sleep it off. Ugh.

Plus the voice during my attempts to sleep off, the attack was bothering me too much. The voice got to the point that I couldn’t sleep off the attack. I wound up onto the computer too long editing muse talk story from outlines to talking conversations. Ugh must have driven the neighbor, crazy with my typing. A pity!

I think I wound up not sleeping much as a result. Also I think I wound up with the voice, chanting all damn Saturday, as a result. My paranoia wasn’t that aggravated, but ok for me to withstand it. Ugh again.

Anyway I wound up out with Maureen to Mickey D’s, for buying lunch, and then the theater. I tried to buy an iced coffee but the cashier must have thought I wanted hot coffee hence the machine was broken. I got chocolate milk as a result. Anyway I noticed a customer having iced coffee and asked for some which I got free, after I returned the chocolate milk. Nice of the restaurant!

I ate in the car then went with Maureen to the theater involving Torrington’s cinema to view “Beauty and the Beast” movie a live action movie over a cartoon. Nice I guess.

Ugh, that movie was marred by the fact that the caption boxes didn’t work. Ugh. I had to guess what was said via movie, including eyeing it, and asking Maureen questions what the movie was about and stuff. I wound up watching the movie entirely including stuffing my face full of popcorn, cute.

As for the movie I found it visually appealing enough to rate it an a. I didn’t care for the parts involving the George Washington like clothes and stuff. It sucked big time when I didn’t care too much for that. Oh well.

After the movie Maureen and gang went to a hibachi restaurant. I didn’t recognize any of the foods besides the dessert foods of chocolate pudding. I wound up given foods by Maureen from her plate which I ate. I found that food pretty good, except I nearly choked onto it when I was trying to swallow it down. Some of that food came back up which I forced myself to swallow it down. Ugh terrible.

I wound up giving Maureen the last of my money for her to help pay for the bill involving the grill. After that a friend or student from college drove me and another student home. Nice of them!

Oh that student drove to Panera Bread to buy dinner then drove me home. I did point out the way to my address then at home I wound up eating some foods. After that I dialed mom via phone, I was on the phone for like thirty minutes till six o’clock is when she whined she wanted to view the local news including world news. Ugh.

I skipped the six o’clock show on NBC involving local and world news. I wound up watching an hour of “Fixer Upper” instead. Then at seven o’clock I ranged mom up and was on the phone for almost an hour. I think closed to eight o’clock mom whined of needing to get to bed early for church in the morning, so I let her off the phone then after that watched the HGTV channel till like ten o’clock is when I quit for bed.

I think I was terribly tired that I slept for like twelve hours. Ugh, I guess I was tired or something. It sucked big time to be tired. Oh well.

Anyway baby cutie cuddled bummed me last night into this morning. Aw, so cute of the baby cat. I love that bundle of fur so much. She’s so cute when slobbered with kisses and hugged fests. Aw, love that little munchkin bunches. She’s so cute!

Today auntie sandy took me out for an outing. She brought Lenny along but he had a pressing commitment at home so she dropped him off after buying lunch from McDonald’s. Tasty foods, but I didn’t have the iced mocha this time, instead I had chocolate milk. Ugh.

Anyway after Lenny was dropped off was to Barnes and Noble. I saw a Jackie Collins’ book on sale for a cheap price. I didn’t bother to buy that thing, instead figured I’ll ask town library for a copy of that book. The book’s called “Goddess of Vengeance” a part of her Lucky Santangelo series. Cute I guess.

Then after the bookstore was to Kohl’s via car, which auntie looked at the purses. She kept on finding purses too expensive for her taste. Ugh, those purses were on sale and for a discount, but she didn’t bother to buy them. A pity!

We went to Shop Rite to buy groceries. I got bananas which she bought for me, including a People’s magazine with the HGTV channel’s Scott brothers on the cover. Nice article from what I’ve read. I found that article pretty good anyway. After I read that magazine’s article I read other articles that amused me then gave that magazine to Auntie to read. She took the magazine fine.

Well, went to Auntie’s house to drop off food and eat some ice cream. After that was a walk around the yard or a dam’s area including via hill. I was huffing and puffing up that hill like nuts. I was gulping water like nuts. Ugh, Auntie noticed that I was out of shape. She told me to walk every day, instead of staying home lazy, or in my words, lazy like a bum. Ugh.

After Auntie’s house she drove me home, where I smooch the kitty with kisses and hugs’ fests. I missed that baby bundle of fur so much! I love that little munchkin bunches. She’s so cute! I love hugging and kissing her. She’s so tolerant of those hugs and kisses and sometimes licks my face in response. Aw so cute!

At home I didn’t do much besides watching the HGTV channel airing a marathon of “Flip or Flop.” I think that series is going off the channel’s lineup for TV shows. I think the stars of that show have problems with their marriage something frowned upon by the HGTV channel hence their show dropped. It sucks big time when that show can only be seen via reruns or marathons. Ugh a pity.

Anyway I aimed to read some books if I’m inclined tonight, when the mood strikes me. I wasn’t in the mood to read something while out with auntie sandy. This lack of reading books sucks big time. Ugh.

Tomorrow is Monday I get my paycheck deposit deposited and then I can start paying some bills. Bills, such as cell phone bill, my cable bill including my electricity bill too.

I can’t wait to start saving some money on the side instead of spending it onto useless junk online. The spending sucks big time when I can’t seem to save money. This spending is terrible, big time when I can’t seem to save anything. Ugh, not happy about that lack of saving money on the side. Ugh terrible.

Also I saw some e-books I like to purchase that were on sale but couldn’t buy them because of lack of money. I guess that’s the pits anyway.

Plus baby cutie visited my lap multiple times, but I kept on snatching her up for a nice hug and kiss. I miss that baby bundle of fur so much while I was out with auntie sandy. Poor kitty must have missed me too. Poor baby cute kitten!

Aw, love my baby cute kitten so much! She’s so cute when smooched with kisses and gathered into my arms, for hugs. I love that little munchkin, bunches. She’s so cute! Aw!

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Reading books

Mar. 11th, 2017 | 11:41 am
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

I wound up out of my apartment around eleven o’clock walking to mcgrane’s where I had lunch of food my usual meal. Then I walked to Founder’s hall where I picked up two books and took them to Greenwoods’ hall. I meant to read those two books or skim through them but I didn’t. I left them sitting on a table in the lounge room of Greenwoods’ hall. Ugh.

Also I mostly read a soap opera magazine I meant to get a subscription to it mailed today but I didn’t bother to bring the envelope to mail it at the post office with a stamp. Ugh sucks big time.

Also I wound up sitting in the lounge room, for a few hours, reading a Victoria Beckham book I had in my purse. I did bring along a copy of “Midnight Bayou” by Nora Roberts but I doubt I would read that copy. Ugh Gramma gave me that copy actually. I put that copy of “Midnight Bayou” stuffed into my bookcase than stuffed into my purse. Ugh, I doubt that I would be reading that copy anyway. Oh well.

I wound up attending the deaf club meeting at school, with Maureen. It’s nice of me to show up, even though I was one of six people there. Oh well.

After meeting Maureen drove me home. I didn’t do much that night besides ranting angrily at mom for her damned phone ignorance. She finally got back to me phone wise. Ugh I hate those friendships with my damn cell phone mom puts me through. Mom sucks big time when she does that to me. Ugh.

Anyway I wound up waiting for Maureen to come over via car which she did. She drove to McGrane’s where I had lunch with Maureen, Marcus and Dennis to lighten things up. I’m hardly that talkative with Maureen, alone, but with Marcus and Dennis, I’m a good listener while they sign or talk their words. It seems good.

After that Maureen got me to CVS where I picked up prescriptions then she got me home, where I was sick in the bathroom. I swear the food I ate at mcgrane’s made me sick in the bathroom. Ugh.

I tried to avoid eating cheesy foods for lunch hence in had chocolate milk for as my drink for lunch and some non cheesy foods as a result. Ugh I think this made me friends with the toilet as a result. This sucks big time.

Also I wound up spending a few hours, with the TV on blaring reading two magazines back to back. I read partially of “International Gymnast” and then most of this magazine focused onto New England called “Yankee.” I managed to finish both magazines. Yay me before I ate food for dinner. Ugh, I was late for my pills as a result of the noise in my head. Yuck.

Also after that magazine reading I didn’t read anything else till today is when I focused onto two books, I read back to back with breaks to eat and focus onto the TV.

One book I was like seventy two pages from finishing it, called “Learning to Fly the Autobiography” by Victoria Beckham. I can’t stop reading that damn book over and over. Ugh, it seems like I keep on reading that book every damn year. I don’t seem to read much besides that book. Oh well.

After that Beckham’s book was done, I wound up reading another book, as a result, of itching to read. I wanted to read and finish another book. I finished one so I was on a roll, as a result of finishing one. I figured I might as well read another book which I did. Ugh, both books I finished today weren’t library books despite already having a pile of them at home. Ugh again.

Anyway, I aimed to read one of those library books, if I can withstand that book reading. I wound up late for dinner with my pills and eating my food. Ugh, also I was hit with the number two attacking my system making the voice go off as a result. Yuck annoying!

Also I wound up eating not much for dinner but I did try to eat as much as I could dinner wise. It sucked big time when I couldn’t eat much food but I tried anyway.

After dinner I finished this book “The Host” by Stephenie Meyer. I saw the movie version via DVD and didn’t remember the book’s contents. Hence I was reading the book over again, for refreshing my memory. Ugh, well found that book pretty good from what I’ve read. I found that book worthy to rate it, four stars.

Baby cute kitten must have gone to town, snoozing on the couch while I was reading nose into a book. She did get onto my lap multiple times but that was only for grooming and just standing on my lap. Poor baby cute kitten!

I think the baby cutie was rather curious, to why’s I was reading a book and ignoring her. I guess she’s used to that curiosity, enough to know, I don’t like being disturbed when I have my nose into a book or a magazine. Poor kitty always takes that opportunity to snooze galore onto the couch. Cute!

I love the baby cutie galore. She’s so cute when slobbered with kisses and hugs fests. She’s cute anyway. I love that little munchkin bunches. She’s so cute when hugged and kissed. Aw.

HGTV decided to air “Beachfront Bargain Hunt” marathon on, one afternoon boring me. I was bored of the TV hence I reading a book enough to get interested into it. Ugh, hence I was reading two books back to back. Nice!

Those two books make it my tenth and eleventh book read and finished this year. Yay me!

Plus I’ve got two library books on hand I need to get around to reading and finishing when I get around to it. I figured perhaps, when the TV’s boring me. I might read at a certain time, when I’m fed up with typing onto the computer, but I don’t know anyway.

Also mom hasn’t bothered to reply to my plea for a phone call yet. She’s really annoying when she takes forever to reply to my pleas for an evening phone call. She’s so rude when she won’t reply as soon as possible with in responses to my text emails for a phone call or for a text email.


Anyway, at a certain time, instead of reading, I phoned mom and was on the phone for over two hours. Ugh, no wonder my phone bills are so high, from phoning mom. We always have lots to talk about. Ugh, again.

I started this JD Robb book "New York to Dallas" I wanted to read which I read. I read like one hundred and twenty eight pages in one sitting. Yay me! Also I haven't gotten around to reading more of that book yet. I've meant to do that reading, but I haven't. Oh well.

Also I started this book "The Young Elites" by Marie Lu. I found that book pretty good from what I've read so far, but I haven't read much of it. Ugh. I've meant to read more of that book. The lack of reading that book stinks, big time when I haven't bothered to read more of it. Ugh. I don't know why I haven't anyway. Maybe too much reading in one sitting, hence I'm fed up or needing a break, ugh I guess that explains, why I haven't read much of Robb's book.

Oh well.

Baby cute kitten hasn't been sitting on my lap or hanging around me when I'm nose into a book. I think the kitty knows I don't want to be disturbed when I'm reading. This lack of disturbed status is something I don't want kitty to do when I'm on the computer.

Kitty cat used to get onto my lap when I was typing onto the computer but she hasn't lately. She'd rub herself against my legs, and purr her cute little motorboat off. She's so cute when slobbered with kisses and hugs. Aw, love my baby bundle of fur so much. Aw.

I don't have much planned for today other than trying to get some books read and finished. I might as well ignore the TV and read some books if I'm inclined. It's about time I quit focusing onto the junk on TV and read instead. Ugh.

Here's to happy reading for me.

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Winter blues

Feb. 9th, 2017 | 08:13 pm
mood: boredbored

Today, it blizzard into where I live. Yucky weather, hence my profile picture displaying that. Oh well.

I wound up today, reading a book themed romance involving Scotland, an anthology. I read like five stories or one hundred and thirty five pages, till I had to take a break, to do other things. Ugh.

Baby cute kitten wound up onto my lap, and proceeded to fall asleep, for awhile. Mostly while I was reading a book, like I said I was. I was just bored of the TV, hence I book reading like nuts. Ugh again.

Also want to whine, that one day after my sick night of voice attacking me, I wound up sick with the voice picking onto me all damn day. Ugh, I had to stay home and concentrate onto the computer, the TV and whatever I could do to avoid the paranoia aggravated. Yuck.

I think I forced myself to view Ellen's Show, despite creep out with the voice picking onto me, and aggravating my paranoia. Ugh, it wasn't easy viewing Ellen's show with the paranoia off, including the voice blaring too much. Ugh. I forced myself to concentrate onto the TV that night, despite skipping regular programs. It sucked big time to miss regular shows and focus onto the HGTV channel than any other channels. Ugh, really the pits!

Also I sort of been viewing Supergirl but that TV show's been showing stuff, I'm not entirely sure of what's going on with that show. Ugh. Mostly making one character, a lesbian despite me thinking, she's straight. I don't get it why's their adding gays and lesbians, in that show. I think their trying to appeal to gays and lesbians, hence that. I don't know if that's a good idea or not. Oh well.

Anyway I got nothing against gays and lesbians, I do know some people who are like that, that are nice people.

Also I don't know if this Supergirl show should add romance into it involving straights, gays and lesbians or they should focus onto science fiction fantasy instead. I think they should focus less on romances between characters and focus onto science fiction fantasy stuff instead. Just don't like that romance theme in Supergirl very much. I prefer more on science fiction fantasy stuff, than stuff involving romances. Just not what I had in mind. Ugh.

Hence I'm just struggling to enjoy watching Supergirl despite the romances themed into that show. It's putting me off from wanting to watch Supergirl. I'm just preferring more on science fiction fantasy than those romance themes, despite put off from wanting to view that show. Ugh again.

Also I'm meant to view Timeless, this time travel show but the late hour of ten o'clock isn't what I had in mind to TV watch. I don't care too much to view TV at ten o'clock, getting riled up around eleven o'clock and can't sleep.


Hence I prefer an earlier hour involving TV shows to be like eight o'clock, so I can calm down from investing my emotions onto the TV show, and just focus elsewhere, like computer or HGTV for an hour till ten o'clock, is when I go take my pill and prepare bed.

I'm just bored, with the NBC channel. They preempted my talk shows, with too much weather broadcasting crap. Ugh, how annoying!

Hence around five o'clock, I gave up onto the NBC channel, after an hour of watching it blare too much on this winter storm, and went to HGTV. I admit it I'm addicted to HGTV channel than any other channels on TV. I binge watch the HGTV channel at night, than any other channel. Ugh, Just don't focus too much onto TV nowadays. Oh well.

Mom says via phone "TV is boring."
She says that over and over, to the point, that I don't find much to do with watching TV, today. Hence I reading a book on Scotland romance reading one hundred and thirty five pages. That book had twenty stories in it, in an anthology, of scottish romance stories. So far I've found that book pretty good, enough to like the stories. Seems good!

Today the HGTV channel decided to marathon this TV series called Flip or Flop, all damn afternoon into this evening. How boring!

Also this more HGTV marathon Fixer Upper which I only saw an hour of that because I had to view the NBC news at eleven o'clock. Around eleven thirty, I went to HGTV fed up with the weather broadcasters' crap. I wound up discovering the HGTV channel at noon started this endless marathon of Flip or Flop instead of Fixer Upper. Really annoying!

I prefer Fixer Upper to any show on HGTV if I have to watch marathons of. I don't care for house hunting themed shows on HGTV if their marathoning that. I don't like those shows very much hence I'll do what I can to avoid watching that crap, including book reading, or just plain old bothering the cat with kisses and hugs fests.

I'm just bored, but tomorrow I'm aiming to get myself out of this residence into the snow, walking around. I figured that'll amuse me, than being bored to tears, with the TV, the books' reading and slobbering the cat with annoying kisses and hugs. Ugh.

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Where I've been...

Feb. 5th, 2017 | 08:56 am
mood: sicksick

Ugh I've been sick with a cold that's been aggravating me. I thought I managed to shake that cold last month but now its back with vengeance. Ugh.

Also the voice was picky onto me while I was sick with a cold. I wound up spending one night up for hours typing onto the computer editing one story out of nervousness of the voice picking onto me. My paranoia was aggravated at the time hence I onto the computer typing as a result. Ugh really annoying!

I find when I'm sick with the voice picking onto me and paranoia aggravated I type onto the computer or focus onto the computer for awhile. Mostly till I can go watch TV or read a book.


I've meant to go read a book but I haven't been in the mood since the voice has been picking onto me while I was sick with a cold. I haven't been sure if I'm really sick with a cold or I've got a virus. Ugh. This sickness sucks big time.

Oh well plus I wound up with a few nights of staying up for hours editing one story because of the voice attacking me. Ugh.

I couldn't sleep with the inner noises and the paranoia going off. Yuck. I gave up sleeping whenever I'm picked onto by the voice. I tried to sleep a few times during this bad attack but I couldn't sleep as a result. Ugh. Not happy about that at all.

Also I noticed that I have to watch what I'm eating because I find that when I'm sick with the bathroom the voice gets picky onto me. Yuck. Like one case of me sick in the bathroom one night and the voice was attacking me triggering my paranoia off. I'm not entirely sure of when that attack blew off. The attack isn't what I had in mind. Yuck.

Baby cute kitten tried to comfort me suffering from that attack. I think she rubbed herself against my legs multiple times but that was it. She even snoozed on the couch with me typing onto the computer multiple times suffering from the voice. Ugh. Poor Kitty poor me!

I hate being sick.

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Terrible day today.

Nov. 14th, 2016 | 07:18 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Anyway I’ve managed to go vacuum the apartment including doing lots of dusting around here. It’s about time I vacuumed for poor kitty’s sake. Poor kitty’s got a bald spot on her back that’s from dust mites including from a lack of vacuuming. A pity to the kitty!

I vacuumed which kitty hid out of me annoying her with the vacuum cleaner. I guess she hates that noise of that thing. It sucks big time when I hate vacuuming around here because the thing causes kitty to hide and avoid me doing that chore. Poor kitty makes me think I’m hurting her when I’m not sure if that's the case. Also makes me think I should vacuum more often for kitty’s allergies.


I’ve meant to go dust in here including sorting some more books too. I’ve racked up a pile of books around here that I need to lower that amount I’ve got on hand. It sucks big time when the apartment is cluttered. Ugh again.

I spotted the baby cutie walking by. She’s cute when petted and snatched up for hugs. Aw what a cute kitten.

Today was marred by a voice attack that triggered my paranoia to go off bad. Ugh. I wound up walking to the school with the voice going off. I thought the voice going off involved me walking. Ugh again.

Voice always goes off giving me schizophrenic episodes of voice and paranoia from whenever I'm out walking around. I'm trying to work onto my walking exercises but I can't help being lazy because of the damned voice picking onto me and triggering my paranoia to go off the charts.

Anyway I wound up sick in the toilet at the school that caused the voice to continue to talk too much. Ugh triggering my paranoia to go off the charts. Yuck the voice has gotten involved while in the bathroom mostly doing number two. It's annoying when that happens!

I walked to McGrane’s to buy my traditional meal including soda since they were out of Snapple juice. I think I paid but I don’t remember doing it. Plus I brought along Shania Twain’s memoir book with me which I read while waiting for food. After food arrived I walked to school to meet Maureen.

Oh almost forgot my soda which the waitress had to come out running with that drink. Nice of her!

After that I went to Maureen’s office or her place of work at the Academic Skills Lab which I ate my lunch but not whole hearted. I only had the whole sandwich but parts of my fries. My appetite was lousy because of the voice’s attack including paranoia going off. Yuck.

I tried to read Shania Twain’s book but the voice kept bothering me so I whined that to Maureen. She let me go home. I wound up going home walking fast. I got home and realized that I forgot my cell phone. Ugh.

I considered calling dad to whine of that thing but I couldn’t find any pieces of paper with his phone number on it. Ugh again.

I against my better judgment walked to school even with the voice picking onto me again. My paranoia was off again too. I went to Maureen’s classroom to whine of my cell phone being missing. She told me she found that thing but left it in the Academic Skills Lab.

Ugh. I wound up leaving my bag and water bottle at her classroom which I walked to the Academic Skills Lab in another building even with the voice going off bothering me.


I walked to the school and considered the stairs but I opt to take the elevator. I got into the elevator and took that to the Academic Skills Lab. I found my cell phone on the desk where Maureen said it was.

I did have to write a note on a piece of paper on arrival to there asking for cell phone just for making my talk speech clear. They pointed out the cell phone which I checked and found it belonged to me. Yay me!

After that I walked back to Greenwoods’ where Maureen’s classroom was with my stuff. It was tempting to walk home with the voice going and paranoia off but I had to pick up my bag and water bottle including keys. I did that picking up.

Maureen showed me a cute cat video of a cat I found funny but I wasn’t in a laughing mood. Ugh. I wasn’t laughing because of the voice picking onto me at the time with my aggravated paranoia. Yuck.

I forced myself to walk home as a result as fast as I could. I walked fast despite really nervous by the voice’s wording and aggravating paranoia. Ugh the nerves didn’t stop me from getting home fast as I could. I got home and wound up onto the computer editing one story out of needing something to concentrate onto other than the inner noises of paranoia and voice’s talk. Ugh.

I usually take a shower once I’m home from walking but since the states in a drought I’m trying to conserve water. So I’m not showering much. Also I’m too scared to shower with the voice attacking me and aggravating my paranoia.

The showering hasn’t helped me when I get home from being out with a schizophrenic episode. Instead the showering has made me feel worse off like more paranoid something I don't like that at all. I don’t care too much to shower when I’m home from a schizophrenic episode. I just prefer to cool down by computer staring or reading a damn book instead. Just do.

I noticed when I get hot from out walking around I get the voice going including my paranoia going. Ugh really annoying when I'm trying to work onto my weight and avoid being two hundred pounds when I'm like thirty pounds away from that. Ugh.

I also get the voice going when I'm walking to the town library to either sit around or picking up books or donating books. Ugh. I find when I sit around at the town library I cool down and get relaxed enough to avoid the voice blaring again and same for paranoia.

But the walk home from town library is the pits. There's a big hill I have to walk to get to my home street. I sometimes take the lazy route which is longer and usually take that route via highway with sidewalks. The highway with sidewalks is that route that always gets the schizophrenic episodes triggered. Hence I hate walking home that highway route.

Ugh hence my terrible day forgetting my damn cell phone and having to get outside walking twice with the voice picking onto me. Really annoyingly aggravated!

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Depressed on weekends

Nov. 12th, 2016 | 12:48 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I'm just depressed again.

I've meant to go out for a walk or out somewhere but I can't make myself do anything walking wise. I'm too depressed to bother. Ugh.

As a result of my depression I ordered two cheapskate books off Barnes and Noble's website. I was craving to receive something in the mail hence I ordering some books as a result. Ugh.

Those books are just on sale for a hardcover and paperback for like six bucks each totaling eleven dollars and some change. I'm sure the price will make it twelve dollars but the tax wasn't much. Plus I got a discount for being a member of Barnes and Noble. Oh well.

Also I'm just wondering what else I can order off the internet besides those cheapskate books by Nora Roberts and J.R. Ward. Ugh. I ordered "Stars of Fortune" by Nora Roberts that's the first of her Guardians' trilogy. I also ordered J.R. Ward's book "The King" in hardcover. That book is part of her vampire series Black Dagger Brotherhood.

I do wonder why's Nora's still writing involving her Nora Roberts' persona despite said to want to write as J.R. Robb. I don't get it at all. I guess that the public insisted on her Nora Roberts' persona. I guess that's the pits.

Anyway as for J.R. Ward's vampire series I do wish she would write something else than just focused onto the vampire series. It's about time she wrote some other things than focusing too much onto her vampire series. Ugh.

J.R. Ward tried to write some Southern series involving bourbon in Kentucky. I found that series pretty good but I don't know if the readers like it or not. Oh well. I've meant to go purchase that series when I get the chance out of support towards the author.

This depression sucks big time when I'm depressed on the weekends. Ugh. I could do without this damned depression. Oh well.

Also do without slobbering the baby cat with lots of kisses and hugs out of trying to get rid of this stupid depression. Ugh poor kitty isn't happy with me. Poor baby cute kitten always has to put up with this damned behavior from me. I don't get it how cutie tolerates that. I guess that the free eats is why's she's tolerant. Poor kitty!

Just not entirely sure of what to do today despite down and depressed. Ugh!

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Just some story

Nov. 6th, 2016 | 05:43 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

Brandis’ writings added here “I get this memory of a human female with different colored hair to a human female named Natalia's blonde looks. She’s appearing to be answering to the name of Daniela Constanta in my mind further when trying to remember more of Natalia.”

Daniela hears from her father a Human male named Dan “The Humans have demanded to the Felidaes' main ruler a demand.”
The Felidaes’ ruler is always dubbed by the titled name of Sheik in the island nation dubbed United States of America among the natives secretly and not among other island nations' natives.
“The demand to Sheik is to grants the Humans a request on allowing them to pick a leader and have the leader have a titled position.” says her father.
Daniela gets an idea while practicing gymnastics in the gym with the other females to issue an oath for Sheik to grant the Humans their request tells the coach “I’m pleading with begging to put me on the team to compete on the World Championships team competing in Prussia!”
Coach Jamali spoke “I relents to Daniela Constanta’s begging but I have to get Sheik's approval first. Daniela Constanta is to meet the Sheik to convince him on that agreement.”
She finds her idea working by meeting Sheik in his office with coach there.
She speaks the idea towards Sheik “I oath that the USA.” as the island nation's nickname “Will have an athlete represent the USA in the Terrania Unity Games in the sport of gymnastics. This oath is from hearing that any medal regardless of color won by an athlete who's team didn't make the final automatically has a spot for her nation to compete in the Terrania Unity Games in any individual event if they make the final at the Terrania Unity Games.”
She frowns as Sheik asks “I ask Daniela Constanta what her wish will be if she is the one who does this medal winning?”
She speaks “Sheik to grant the Humans a leadership position.”
Sheik points a finger and says “The medal winning for the USA to have a spot in the Terrania Unity Games in the sport of gymnastics must come from Daniela Constanta to grant the Humans their requests. I ask for her name as fully said via birth.”
She says “The birth name is Natalia Mahalia.”
She finds Sheik repeating her name “Natalia Mahalia.” then the ruler says “The Humans' leader will be known by the titled name of Daniela period.”
She verbalizes “I agree to that titled name.” while hearing a growl sound from her Felidae coach sounding to her “You’re to agree and not protest to Sheik's words.”

“‘Natalia Mahalia’ is a name I figured is the name of the soul assigned to be Natalia Borsova then later Daniela Constanta. Hence I was receiving the odd recordings of her repeatedly with different names and different colored appearances of hair but same facial appearances.”

Daniela competes in Prussia wearing the USA's colors of sunset with her team while wearing an armband of Oceana's seal attached to her sleeve of her leotard.
The Prussia nation's ruler and leader Tsarina spoke via announcement at the previous world championships “I ordered to all nations having Humans competing in Prussian hosted sporting events for the World Championships must wear an armband of Oceana's seal on them. The seal of Oceana is to show to Prussian natives that the Humans are here in Prussia to compete for a sporting event for their nation to have the right to compete in the Terrania Unity Games. Oceana is going to host the event. The seal means the Humans are free to compete on Prussia as athletes and cannot be taken as slaves by Prussians.”
She finds to her annoyance that her team doesn't make the team final due to only five teams can make it. The five who make the team final are allowed to compete in the Terrania Unity Games for teams.
She hears from coach Jamali “Daniela Constanta is competing in all around and three events vault, beam and floor exercise placing the highest of her teammates on those events. The gymnastics federation said only two per nation can compete in individual events. She actually qualified on the floor exercise in third place behind two Prussians. The two per country rule allows her to compete in the beam and vault while another teammate competes in High Bar. I finds that Americans didn't make the two bar event our weakest event.”
Daniela competes in the all around finding that the two per country rule has given a limit amount of line up for athletes and that their all competing in order of qualification in the same event with her last in the ranking order.
She finds herself thinking “I’m determined to win a medal for the Americans!”
She does the Borsova vault due to practicing repeatedly and finds herself sticking the landing perfectly to score a nineteen. Daniela competes on two bars her weakest event finding herself scoring a fifteen then competes in High Bar a Felidae dominated event for mostly winning world titles in it in gymnastics and sticks the landing to get a nineteen. She does the Beam as well as she can to score a seventeen then does the Floor Exercise scoring an eighteen signaling the end of the all around to look at the score board and finds herself in bronze medal position.
Daniela hears from her coach Jamali “Daniela Constanta kept her oath to Sheik who will grant the Humans their request by the medal won!” she feels herself happy hearing. Daniela on the medal stand for bronze which the all around was won by a Prussian a Human female named Natalia Ivankova and the silver medalist a Human from Americania named Dominica Wasilla.
She gets her medal awarded by Sheik himself who grips her shoulders in some gentle move which is Felidae speak “I'm proud.”
She finds herself crying as the Prussian flag raises with the Americanian flag and her own nation flag raises.

Daniela competes in vault finding herself placed third but not granted the medal a tie for silver by two Kenibians.
The gymnastics federation's head judge a Highlander from Shonsurra monitoring the event “I rule at the beginning of the final that if there were ties that the qualification score will determine the medal win.”
She finds herself placed fourth as a Kenibian representing Americania wins the vault title. Daniela watches as her teammate Jana Janeiro places fourth in High Bar behind an Americanian she hears “I heard her name is as named Janeira Timis.” winning the event and two Ranians taking silver and bronze.
She finds herself winning the bronze in the balance beam won by an Americanian the silver medalist in the all around named Dominica Wasilla.
She overhears from two Prussians talking “Dominica is a descendant of the Kenibian pair with the last name of Wasilla who raised a former president of Americania dubbed Daheara. After Daheara won gold for Kenibia at a Terrania Unity Games event her parent raisers went to Americania and pushed their female descendants towards competing for Americania in gymnastics. The view was passed down to other family members with males taking up the coaching position.”
She competes on the floor exercise competing last and finds herself the winner by a perfect score of a twenty flashing. Daniela finds herself the first of her nation to win that event. She finds that Dominica wins the silver and the all around winner Natalia wins the bronze. Sheik awards her the gold medal and she cries hearing the music for the USA heard along with her flag seen including the flags of silver and bronze medalists. This flag raising ceremony was traditionally done since Oceana hosted the Terrania Unity Games underneath a former ruler named Emperor Pavel Palin. Daniela after the Worlds is over on the way to the USA via plane gets a growth spurt making her full grown.
She gets told by Jamali “Your career as an athlete is over by your age and size makes it impossible for you to compete in gymnastics as part of the rules by the gymnastics federation.”
She doesn't complain about it but wonders “What the USA's natives will say about my medal wins? My wins were part of an oath for Sheik to grant the Humans a leadership position using my name Daniela as the title for the Humans' leader to have.”
Daniela finds her worries are for nothing when she gets to USA finds a hero's welcome by the Felidae there along with the Human slaves allowed to attend to her homecoming. She's given some clothing to get out of her leotard and jumpsuit finding that their Felidae female styled clothing for leadership but doesn't complain about it and goes to Sheik's palace.
Daniela find him “I’m announcing.” to the crowd via microphone gathered below the balcony “I has granted the Humans' requested demand which is a leadership position with titled name of Daniela. I names the Human Daniela Constanta.” she hears is herself by saying “Daniela Constanta has kept an oath to the Sheik myself by giving the USA a position in the Terrania Unity Games in the sport of gymnastics. I name her by giving her the name of January with last name Constanta as the first Human to hold the Daniela titled leadership position. The position will be handed down to Humans in her family line including other family lines if her family line doesn't produce a Human.”
She doesn't complain to the first name change due to that the name of January is a sacred female name among Felidaes and given to females by the Sheik if they hold leadership positions’ in the ruler ship in the USA. The females who have turn out to do honorable actions towards the USA while holding the ruler ship position. She hears the crowd agree to Sheik's declaration as she is introduced to the people by Sheik gesturing her to come into sight and finds the crowd cheer loudly seeing her along with chanting the name of Constanta over and over.
She hears Sheik boom into the microphone as the crowd becomes quiet “The celebratory word for celebrations among the USA natives will be Constanta in honor of this Human for bringing honor to the USA! She being first Human to keep an oath said to Sheik!”
The crowd chants the name of “Constanta, Constanta!” over and over.
She doesn't find herself embarrassed by that. She eyes the crowd and finds herself drawn to a male Human with golden eyes staring at her not chanting. She slips away from Sheik him not protesting to that going out of the palace unstopped to find the staring Human male as if guided by an internal sense.
Daniela Constanta as referred historically and not by the January name finds herself the human male’s mate asks “What’s your name? What’s with your unusual eyes?”
She learns “My name is Mohan Lighter.” which she thinks “I'll take his last name when introducing herself to USA natives as Daniela Constanta Lighter.”
She learns from Mohan “I’m descendant of a Surrai dubbed Kazak from the golden eyes marking me that descendant like anyone descendant of Surrai regardless of species. The golden eyes have always omitted that hitting the Shadonia. Kazak's last name Lighter was added him took up the job of lighting cauldrons at the Terrania Unity Games no one willing to do that job. One of the family lines of descendants of Kazak living in Americania have taken up the job of lighting the cauldron with the eater flame. The eater flame always originating from an always lighted by eater small cauldron dubbed Memorial of Life. Memorial of Life has always appeared to have a permanent eater light and refusing to go out regardless of the weather. The cauldron is found outside the Terrania Unity Games stadium in the Americanian city of Atlanta sitting between a large box with Americanian wording indicating names. Their species or point of origins involving the names hasn't been figured out yet. There’s a raised statue of multiple humanoid males in the process of putting a flag pole up. The flag of Americania wound up later hung from there soon after a group of Americanians won the nation's first ever world title in any event. The flag put there was in honor of Georgina Visser for that victory as the Americanians' coach for coaching the team in question that won the title.”
“Her victory” according to Mohan as Daniela senses others nearby listening for a bit since she met Mohan “settled the debate on what flag and design to represent the nation of Americania. It was Georgina who started the tradition of having the flags of both silver and bronze medalists accompanied the gold medalists' flag in flag ceremonies. The ceremony was officially taken up by Americanians winning titles a tradition that is still continuing. The three flag ceremony wound up officially accepted by Oceana's ruler doing it to an Oceanan gold medalist in a stadium during Oceana hosting the Terrania Unity Games at the time. The ruler later once the ceremony was over ordered other nations to follow the flag ceremony. He declared that it'll be done for every single sporting event involving medals period which have been done since.”
She listens as Mohan adds “The cauldron lighters according to me after they get the specialized eater torch made from commission order of a former Empress of Oceana who was a Human. She requested the torch be used to carry eaters to various places including to light up cauldrons. She also requested the torch to have passed down that torch to use for when lit up travels in various ways to the nation hosting the Terrania Unity Games. There’s some miracle with the torch as always refusing to go out regardless of the travel or weather. The miracle involving the torch is it doesn't go out until it lights the cauldron is when the torch will go out period. I’m not sure why the torch has according to legend or miracle means always remained lighted regardless of the weather or traveling underwater and gone out whenever it lights up a cauldron in the nation hosting the Terrania Unity Games. “
She frowns as she asks Mohan “How Mohan Lighter wound up in the USA?”
Daniela uses Felidae speak for names and reference to people instead of saying you or your to hear from him “A Felidae dubbed Jimmy descendant of Kazak went to USA from some predicted self prophecy of a family member and a leadership position involved while in that nation. The Felidae in question wound up paired with another Felidae dubbed Una. Their family descendants have been living in the USA with Humans doing slavery work for Felidaes in government and island nation ruler ship positions. Una was the offspring of a Sheik” to her shock hearing that “The current Sheik knows of the family connection. He has given orders like his predecessors to the position too many times that any Human with golden eyes were to be used as slaves for Sheik and Felidaes in government positions only. The order was contained to only Sheik to have that honor for awhile till the other Felidaes in government positions got involved and insisted on having that done to them too. My predecessor family to myself and my family members wound up slaves. My family is currently slaves of various Felidaes in government positions including the Sheik himself. I’m currently a slave to the current Sheik who has been giving me the job to speak on the behalf of the Humans. The job’s to give him views on what the Humans think regarding situations happening around the USA. The job will now fell to January Constanta Lighter I names. The holding the Humans' leadership position is now to January Constanta now. I suspect that Sheik expects her to give the ruler views on Humans' thoughts regarding any situation happening to the island nation. That view includes involves the weather hitting regardless of how bad it causes damage or not. Including how the Humans are feeling if he hears of anything bad happening to the Human species while their in slavery to people. Including how they should be treated while slaves. This included what sort of judgment views the Human or Humans should get if any Human was found to do something inappropriate towards other Humans or other species is when punishment would be handed down by the Sheik ordering it.”
Daniela doesn't find herself protesting to Mohan's words who added “The usual punishment I have recommended towards Humans doing things inappropriate against other Humans or other species involves being whipped by a rope on their back. The whipping involved either a certain number or till they scream of pain or their back forms scars from the whipping. This happens regardless of how bad their behavior was which always varies on that punishment.”

“Notes on Natalia Mahalia, Human important to Terrania as said end here by Brandis the Record Keeper who doesn’t remember much else recorded involving this Natalia Mahalia. Brandis suspects the recording was for importance of Natalia Mahalia and nothing else than that soul in question.”

The end

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I'm just depressed...

Oct. 1st, 2016 | 08:57 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

Today’s October. Well nice! Today’s October day I’ll mean that I’ll get my paycheck. I can’t wait anyway. At least I can go pay off some bills like my damn cell phone bill. They emailed me a reminder to pay. Ugh.

Also text emailed mom to text emails me but she’s ignoring me at the moment. Ugh must be really tired from staying up all night into the bathroom due to what’s she’s eaten for dinner. Poor mom! Aw.

Cutie cuddle bummed me last night into this morning. Aw cute of cute baby kitten to do that cuddling. I love that fur ball bunches. She’s so cute!

Speaking of the baby kitten she’s gone to hide somewhere. I’m not sure where other than suspecting her in my clothes’ closet again. She habitually hides in there for hours. Damn cat dumb cat dumb animal. I swear that fur ball is so annoying when she’s anti social.


I wound up on the phone with mom for a short time. Mom whined of her stomach still giving her grief including the food she ate for lunch and dinner yesterday. Poor mom! Aw.

Anyway after that phone call I tried to do something to amuse myself out of boredom with the TV. HGTV is airing “Flea Market Flip” marathon till like one o’clock is when they’ll go into something else for marathon again. Ugh boring.

Also I’ve mean to go read a damn book but I’m not in the mood this morning instead I’m more interested into typing stuff down. I was hoping for stories’ to be typed down but I’m just doing my damn thoughts instead. Ugh sucks big time when I can only do journaling when it comes to typing down stuff. Ugh again.

I went online and discovered that HGTV this weekend is showing afternoon programs I don’t care for. Such as “Love it or List it” today this afternoon then tomorrow is “House Hunters” Sunday afternoon. How boring! Ugh.

Also I’ve meant to go watch more HGTV this morning but I’m in a typing mood at the moment. I’m just preferred to type something down instead. Problem is I can’t seem to type my stories I’ve thought of down for stories. This sucks big time when I’m stuck with my thoughts as a result. Ugh.

Plus baby cute kitten has gone to my bed to snooze. She looks cute when she’s curled up in a ball on my bed. What a cute kitten aw! I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute!

I’m officially depressed mostly because I’m broke and dying to spend money off stuff online. This sucks big time when I have bills to pay and it makes me broke as heck. Ugh I know that the bank doesn’t do weekends or Sundays either. Ugh again hence i have to wait till Monday to see if my bills get paid so I can have some money left to spend online frivolous stuff.

I hate weekends because practically every store and town library is closed leaving me depressed and sad. Plus I spend too much money off internet stuff and wound up broke before the day is over after I get my bills paid. This sucks big time!

It sucks big time when I get depressed on weekends and spend too much money off stuff online. Sometimes I wound up getting overdrawn as a result. Sometimes I do that shitty spending out of depression. Ugh. I just hate weekends because they depresses me. I don’t care for weekends. Yuck weekends!

Also baby cute kitten isn’t around to help my depressed mood. She’s busy hiding in a closet again involving snoozing and avoiding me slobbering her with kisses and hugs. Dumb cat dumb animal or smart kitty to do that avoidance ugh.

I’m really depressed today. I just can’t shake my sad mood. This sucks. This is terrible big time.

Also I keep on hoping to spend money off stuff online but I don’t have to spare despite paying my bills. This further depresses me when I don’t have much money left into my bank account. Ugh.

I’m further depressed on the fact that I don’t have much money to spend or that if I spend money I don’t have I’ll get further depressed. The depression isn’t what I had in mind today.

Ugh again.

Plus Maureen isn’t online Facebook like I hoped she would for a chat. She’s been ignoring Facebook for hours so far. This ignorance depresses me as a result and makes me sad. Ugh kind of wonder what’s Maureen found so important today to bother being online? This sucks when she’s not online much today. Oh well.

I could have text emailed Janet about my depression mood but I don’t know what to say to her about my mood. The lack of chatting to Janet isn’t what I had in mind. Ugh I don’t know why’s I couldn’t tell Janet that I’m depressed on the weekends.

Oh this stink big time!

Barnes and Noble are running a promotion of teens’ books buy two get third free. I’ve saved three books onto my saved list to purchase once I’ve gotten the money for the books. I figured I’ll just wait till Monday to bother to spend money I don’t have now.

Ugh hate this waiting for money. It sucks.

Oh mom’s on vacation this week but today’s her last day of vacation. Yay her! At least she can go back to work and I can stop being pestered to phone her every damn morning and evening. Ugh this pesky phoning is the pits anyway. It means I have to get up early in the morning and text email mom then sit around waiting forever for a fucking text email reply for phoning.

Ugh really annoying too at night. I have to sit around friends with my damn cell phone at night waiting forever for word from mom. She’s terrible with her text emailing me like I expected her to do. She mostly stalls on that text emailing at night by giving me excuses when she’s on the phone. She’s so rude!

I’ve meant to go text email dad some silly request but I don’t know what to say to him. This lack of saying anything to dad isn’t what I had in mind. Ugh. All I can say to dad is that I’m depressed today but he won’t be much help in that department. Mostly he’ll reply with a sarcastic comment making me further sad as a result. He’s terrible big time when he replies to my text emails.


So I might as well wait till later is when I'm sure all my bills are cleared before I frivolously spend money. I think I might have to wait later than Monday for that frivolous spending of stuff that I want online. It sucks big time when I got bills. Ugh!

I hate being depressed. Ugh.

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An Elephant and a donkey.

Sep. 27th, 2016 | 11:20 am
mood: sarcastic

Ugh I’ve got a week till next week’s Monday is when I’ll get my monthly deposit to pay for some bills including buying some stuff. This sucks big time when I’m broke. Ugh don’t like that shitty brokenness at the moment. Ugh.

Also stayed up till like eleven o’clock talking to Maureen via cell phone in Facebook. Maureen ended chat around that time for bed. I wound up just going to bed myself.

I slept like a log actually. I think I was really tired or sore from all that walking yesterday that I slept soundly. It was nice to have the cutest cat cuddling me. Aw baby cute kitten had a grooming season then after that curled up next to me and slept. Love my cute baby kitten bunches. Aw.

Also I had a weird dream involving me going to the porch door and opening the sliding door but leaving the screen in place to have a conversation with someone. I wound up having a hallucination of someone in an office I was talking to via desk instead of standing onto my porch.

Ugh also I wound up writing some notes via post it notes to stick to the sliding door. Then once that talk was over I realized it was a hallucination and went to sit down TV watching.

I wound up sitting via pappasan chair and having myself watch TV in my bedroom on my bookcase watching something then I got cold and went into my living room to further TV watch some more. I’m not entirely sure of what’s the point of that dream anyway. Ugh.

Plus the position of the TV in my bedroom isn’t proper for cable service to hit, mom text.

I wound up opening windows during mom’s mumble fest and talking too fast according to the operator. Mom insisted I view tonight’s debate between Donald the donkey and hilly Hillary both candidates. I still don’t care for either one of them. Yuck.

I called Donald Trump a donkey who brays nothing but hot air and a terrible windbag to mom via phone. Mom scolded me for being not nice to people and that calling people names was not nice but rude. Ugh really annoying!

Ooh I’ve been sick in the bathroom with diarrhea and number two that’s gotten the voice going with its annoying chanting. Ugh not entirely sure if yesterday’s food is reason’s why’s I’m sick today. This sucks big time.

Also auntie Sandy hangs around health care personal so she could have passed onto me some damned sickness. I don’t know if the sicknesses was that or the food prepared at the big E was reason why’s I’m sick today. Ugh this stinks.

I went to the big e yesterday with Auntie Sandy driving. I wound up bringing a book by Victoria Beckham with me into my purse. The big e was fine as far as I know of but it was way too crowded for my standards.

Plus I suffered a voice attack that triggered my paranoia too much. The crowds bothered my paranoia enough to make me want to have a screaming fit in response to that inner noise’s problem. I was tempted to scream a few times in response to mom’s stalling on leaving with the auntie. Ugh.

I wound up reading more of Beckham’s book in the car ride to home. At home I went onto the computer and edited this story out of needing to do something to get my mind off the inner noises and paranoia. I think the pill I took at four fifty in afternoon helped or kicked in that I quit being paranoid by the voice. Well nice!

I wound up eating dinner including piglet eating pretzels. This sucks big time when that salt of that food is bound to make my tinnitus noisy tonight. Ugh really annoying!

Also baby cute kitten came out of hiding at the moment and got snatched up for a nice hug and kisses. She tolerated that fine but was squirmy in my arms. I guess that the baby cat wasn’t in the mood for a hug fest or kisses fest. Poor cute baby kitten!

I’ve meant to go text email people but I don’t know what to say to whoever cares to listen to me and my text emailing whining of my life. This sucks!

I’ve been trying to reach mom via phone tonight but she’s ignoring me and balking text emailing me like I expected her to do. She’s so rude crude Gertrude!


Not happy with miss phone ignorance involving the damn fucking phone ignorance games onto me tonight. Not happy with her at the moment. Feel like swearing profanities till I’m blue in the face onto her answering machine. But the fucking operator will hang up the phone and balk leaving my fucking profanity laced message. Fuck the operator fuck mom!

Also I had salty foods for dinner so I’m bound to have loud tinnitus as a result enough to bother me hence I’m on the computer fooling around. I’m just trying to do story’s talk or type some damn story but I’m never in the mood for that shitty typing. I’m usually in the mood for typing my damn thoughts down. Ugh. This sucks big time when my thoughts is all I can type down and that’s about it.

Argh! I prefer to type a story down instead of something involving my own thoughts. This sucks big time when I can’t type much stories down like I hoped. That included finishing some stories or making them longer despite making short stories already. Ugh. This is terrible big time when I’m stuck with my own thoughts instead of stories. Oh well.

Baby cute kitten has gone to snooze underneath the desk. Cutie looks cute tummy sitting there with chin onto the floor. What a cute kitten! Love that little munchkin bunches.

I aimed to at seven o’clock ring mom up to whine of her damn phone ignorance behavior onto me tonight. She’s so rude when she’s playing phone ignorance games onto me tonight. I don’t appreciate that shitty behavior anyway. Ugh.

I phoned mom around seven o’clock at the moment she text emailed me. Ugh! I was on the phone for over an hour almost ninety minutes. Ugh again.

Also tonight is a damn debate between hilly Hillary and Donald the donkey. I don’t know if I should bother watching either one of them insult each other. It sucks.

Plus the schizophrenia has been blaring Donald the donkey as the winner of that presidential title contest. Ugh hasn’t been wrong on that before when it comes to contests I’ve seen on TV. The schizophrenia has been blaring the results of contests multiple times enough to annoy me and annoy me of not watching any of those contests. This sucks big time.

It’s like the schizophrenia blaring the results of the men’s team final in gymnastics. The schizophrenia kept on blaring the results of first and second places over and over. Ugh annoying me to no end and annoyed me too much to be stressed out as a result. Yuck.

Lucky me the USA men’s team placed fifth which is always the lucky spot for the USA women’s team. Whenever the USA men’s team placed fifth in Olympics the USA women’s team always won gold the next day in women’s gymnastics team final.

The men’s fifth place placing is sort of like a good luck charm I’m not going to have it break. I’m hoping this good luck charm will continue into the Tokyo Olympics. Seems nice!

Baby cute kitten has gone to snooze on top of my bed at the moment. Cutie looks cute curled up in a ball on my bed. What a cute kitten! I love that little munchkin galore. She’s so cute aw!

Tonight’s the debate between hilly Hillary and Donald the donkey. Ugh I’m not sure if I should bother watching that shitty debate but I think I should have the TV onto that debate’s channel and type my thoughts down onto the computer out of boredom. It sucks.

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