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Jun. 1st, 2015 | 01:56 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Wound up aggravated around 5pm last night. I was eating my dinner. I ate my dinner then the tinnitus got involved with the noise in my head.

The tinnitus kept on getting louder and louder into my mind or head during the night. Mostly while I was trying to watch HGTV's channel's shows.

I saw "Property Brothers" TV show. I favor that TV show along with Texas based "Fixer Upper."

Anyway I wound up with the voice chanting last night its familiar question over and over.
It was saying "Are you forgetting something?"
I was trying to sleep off the chanting into my head.

I kept on waking up to hit the bathroom multiple times. It was till like 1230am is when I wound up cleaning my water bottle. I figured that the lack of clean water bottle was causing havoc within my system to make me get up and go to the bathroom multiple times.

I wound up taking the Saphris pill three times at different time frames.
I even had to ignore the voice chanting to me "Text your Dad."
It was telling me to send Dad a message via cell phone. Problem is the attack started at 930pm and kept on going till like 1am is when I finally shook it off.

I didn't sleep as good as I did. I slept REM sleep but I woke up around 630am woken up by fed up with sleeping. Also woke up and couldn't sleep some more. It's terrible when I'm tired.

Anyway today I received a nurse's visit. She came over after I text emailed her via cell phone. She checked my vitals and found me fine. Also checked two certain areas on me involving rashes and pimples. Ugh.
Nurse commented one pimple area "It looks like a boil."

I did managed to squeeze in a nap for two hours this morning. Except I missed mom's text email for phoning this morning. It sucked to do that. Oh well. Also I had to text email her back that I was sleeping a nap. It sucked again.

Well I don't have anything planned for today except just hoping on finishing reading "Crown of Midnight" by Sarah J. Maas. I was hoping on reading more of that book last night while having the TV on blaring. Just couldn't get into the mood to read more of the book. I figured perhaps today I'll get myself into the mood I'm hoping.

Plus the weather is cold rainy and miserable outside. It's not the sort of weather to go take a nice walk in. It's the sort of weather to stay home warmly with the TV and curl up via blanket with the cutest cat ever.

Speaking of the cutest cat she wound up cuddle bummed me during my nap. I slept a two hour nap and woke up with the cutest cat ever cuddling me and snoozing nearby my leg. Mostly curled up to my leg's hip area. Cute aw.

Tomorrow is going to be miserable lousy weather too. It sucks when the weather is lousy. Nothing I can do involving that except hope for the best. Mostly getting out of town and just reading some nice books.

Tomorrow is Deaf Club. I'm aiming to show up for that tomorrow. Just seeing on what I can do while I'm there. Also seeing what I can do involving the car ride to the church where the meeting is held. I figured if I can't read Maas's book today I'll read it tomorrow in the car ride to the church where the meeting is.

Just got a doctor's appointment on Thursday with my mental health. It's an already scheduled appointment. I'm aiming to whine of yesterday's episode including lack of sleeping very good too. I don't have anything else to whine to the doctor except that.

It sucks when I'm not even sure of what else to add. Ugh. Might as well go focused onto the TV for awhile. Just hope I can drown out my sorrows with the junky talk shows. Ugh.

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Stuff I'm working on....

May. 30th, 2015 | 09:08 am
mood: amusedamused

Story ideas so far

Ancient Greece, vampire, during Caesar times Fan fiction to “Acheron” by Sherrilyn Kenyon. Alien planetary world full of ancients Humans involving Greece as an island continent Europe, island continent Australia, island continent North America. Atlantis like planetary world but primitive and ancient Greece like. Human female from planet Earth time travels to alien planet back when planet is active or dying. Planet is possibly Mars that takes off to Earth erasing everything on the planet to put onto Earth. Mars appears dead to Earth natives with nothing on it as a result of deadened status by the ancient Humans living on it. Fan fiction to “Household Gods” by Judith Tarr and Harry Turtledove. Vampires live on the planet only preying onto the Humans via nighttimes. Sort of like “Demon Cycle” by Peter V. Brett’s series. Mars colonized before Earth gets colonized. Mars having ancient oceans and island continents colonized by Humans as their home. Earth at the time wound up having hostile life like dinosaurs and one continent before turning into multiple continents hence Humans not colonizing Earth yet. Ancient Mars is like mysterious island of Atlantis. Mysterious to the Humans on Earth who forget about colonizing Mars. Bullet guns used as weapons among Humans on Earth. More like lasers but shaped like projectile guns. Shields done used onto cities to protect from weather ailments of super storms like hurricanes, heavy rain storms and snowy weather. Guardian towers siren alert of natives of bad stormy weather arriving. Cities are island cities with shields or space ships that landed onto Mars to extend like an Automobile robot into a big city. Sort of folds up into a space ship to raise into the air from the ground of Mars to go to Earth once Earth shows habitable life on it including new continents. Space ships once arriving to Earth land onto ground forming cities. Except Earth’s nature destroys the cities and space ships leaving Humans forced to rebuild using Earth’s materials used in nature.

Ancient well holding water or various items is declared haunted by people who claim to hear noises from it. Girl wound up like Cinderella living in a small room in the kitchen and slave to her stepmother and stepsister. Stepsister is bigger than girl almost big as a male and makes girl does things like serve her despite using threats of fists. Girl obeys to the stepsister’s orders despite threatened to be fisted. Modern day tale. Girl lives in mudroom of a house. Stepmother fancies after a male whose rich and wants him as her husband. Girl’s father is dead via poisoning of stepmother. Stepmother pursues the male for husband on her mind. Male balks accepting her request instead tells her off that he’s marrying someone else. Stepmother gets mad wound up poisoning male who falls into ancient well in his backyard said to be haunted after drinking the poisoned wine the stepmother gives him in her presence. Male breaks the cover of the ancient well. No water this time but a dry well and falls into it. Stepmother produces documents to the police that the male had her married to him the previous day. She gains his fortune as a result including his house and ancient well. Girl wound up trying to prove the male was murdered. Girl gets tossed into ancient well with cover removed on stepmother’s orders. Girl falls into ancient well. Lands onto bottom to discover light sorts of glowing balls and meets the ancient well’s inhabitants. Inhabitants are manoids that are slightly human but more demons like with demon’s points on their heads like a deer and all black eyes and clawed hands. The demons show her the male they saved from poisoning and fall into well. Male is more demon like from demon’s blood into him gives him golden eyes like the demons. Girl lives with the demons as a result but finds the demons seemed to have cut underground city in the ancient well’s water ways and is currently living there. Girl finds demons don’t seem interested into going up to the surface instead prefers to live underground instead and use whatever’s trashed into well to live off of. Girl finds herself turning demonic by finding her hands becoming clawed and feeling points of horns coming out of the tops of her head like deer. She realizes with a start that the well is magical and involves people changing to live underground tries to get back to the surface of the well but finds the demons don’t seem interested into helping her. Instead thwart her efforts to gain a way to the surface by telling her off that people falling into well have become one of them and is compelled to live underground. She finds compulsion hitting her one day after dreaming of her reaching the surface to find the house gone and burned like in a fire and finds nothing in sight to survive. Girl wound up forced to live underground becoming demonic via the magical powers done onto her.

Just not even sure of where I’m going with those ideas. It seems like fan fiction to some books in science fiction that I’m reading. Something likes that. Just don’t even know if I should do anything editing wise to those ideas or not. Ugh.

Plus the demons in the well story remind me of “The Demon Cycle Series” by Peter V. Brett. Its involving demons that live underground and only come out during night time. Not entirely sure if it’s my subconscious thinking of point of origin to Brett’s series involving those demons. It sucks.

Just not entirely sure of what else I should do involving that story. Ugh it sucks.

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Finished some books read

May. 29th, 2015 | 03:07 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

I returned book two and three of the Farseer trilogy before I finished the library versions. Mostly because I bought the two books from Barnes and Noble. Got them in the mail. Yay.

Finished reading "Assassin's Apprentice." Wound up starting "Royal Assassin." So far that book is amusing me.

I also checked out "Shadow Wranglers: Caleb." I found that book wasn't what I've read years ago. Instead it's a modern vampire story with a bit of western theme in it. I read a book by the author Sarah McCarty years ago that involved a western theme in the eighteenth hundreds and nothing involving paranormal stuff. I guess I got the titles mixed up when I registered that online Shelfari. Ugh.

Anyway I finished the McCarty book and rated it three stars out of five online Shelfari. It's a rather interesting series so far. Just got book two Jared of that Shadow Wrangler series. Have to figure out when to read Jared's book.

I wound up starting this library book "Crown of Midnight" by Sarah J. Maas book two of the "Throne of Glass" series by her. It's a teens series. I already read book one awhile ago. Not sure if I remember book one very much. Well reading book two of that series and finding it interesting so far.

Also still stuck on "The Desert Spear" by Peter V. Brett. It's a rather interesting book but tells another point of view in the first book "The Warded Man." Just not even sure of where the author is going at the moment. Oh well.

I posted a story online a website for a contest. I posted something involving my Edenia series involving the character Eric himself.

Eric Book Series: Eric’s Memory 1
Edenia Series

On planet Humania with her moon daughter Edenia gone to elsewhere after leaving Terrania via orbiting pattern. Lived in Humania, among the souls of the dead or disappeared in Terranians’ terms, lived a Pharaoh, I knew what his title was, ruler of a city capital named Zimala. Pharaoh wound up declared crazy for seeing a masked male everywhere. No one sees that masked male thinks ruler is crazy. Ruler gets too much of seeing that masked male stabs himself with a knife into his chest and lays on floor alone in throne room. Masked male turns out to be his own brother who wants the throne to himself reveals the masked status to pharaoh and forces the eyes of his brother shut then orders him to be buried into an underground temple. Anubis realizes that the Pharaoh is still alive but not really dead gets him out of the grave into the priests' temple. Priests aren't doing much regarding this situation instead plot with Anubis and Pharaoh to remove his brother from the throne. Brother has religious beliefs involving some other gods and goddesses priests don't approve or appreciate of and want him removed.
Ruler gets handed a mask by Anubis and told “You’re to haunt your brother with it.”
He obeys learning how to do that haunting making his brother seem crazy to the city's people and own servants. Servants don't know that Pharaoh is still alive doing that haunting and same with the city's people who ignore beggars and don't know that a beggar is a masked pharaoh haunting his brother to drive him crazy. Priests get the upper hand on the brother's craziness and get him out of the rulership's position into a grave to be buried alive.
Anubis tells Pharaoh “Just go to the chasm of storms and leave Humania since you’ve been declared disappeared to the people of Zimala.”
Pharaoh spoke “I don't agree-“
A priest spoke interrupting “I insist on you in doing that disappearance status! Don’t worry your son Eric is taking your brother's place as ruler! I’ll see it happens period!”
Pharaoh goes into chasm of storms arrive to planetary world of Earth becomes Alexei Zesky as known back then that later fathers a son named Eric dubbed on Terra, Eric Kossman Zesky. Pharaoh's twin brother buried alive in Humania gets freed from Anubis taking pity on him and gets tossed into the chasm of storms while still covered in wrapping stuff. Brother arrives to a planetary world, Shadan, and becomes Nikolas Visser, then gets transported off via the High Council doing it, to Terra to live among the natives of Terrania. It’s from what I’ve read involving him via books on his life which I don’t have the memories of them actually. What I remember involving myself was meeting The Guardian of Life and Death judging the soul, myself naked while standing in front of him. He during the judgment wound up to eyed the mental gated arch to see if flash an image of a male wearing gonoid skin clothing from head to foot.
From what I heard "You had to show Eric didn't you?!"
I heard nothing in response to Egypt, the Goddess of Life in a Human bald eagle form fluttering her wings off the side of Guardian of Life and Death. She had asked that question instead the Guardian ignored her and kept on watching, as I watched.

Eric, the male walked on the desert sands his feet wearing gonoid skin boots with robes covering him from head to foot. He paused from his walk to exhale a breath staring at the desert sands while feeling the wind blowing softly. He saw a rocky wall ahead of him which he continued walking towards it. He frowned as he felt a burning sensation on the bottoms of his feet looked down to stare at the ground. He felt a hotness feeling which made him yank off his robes baring his form showing him wearing pants with no top revealing his muscular physique. Groaning he tossed aside the robes as the feeling began to dominate him as he walked. He felt his feet burning and looked down with dizzy eyes to see smoke of fire on the ground where his feet were which he followed with his eyes. He stiffened as he saw the fire surrounded him and screamed out a nonsense sound which he ran towards the rocky wall running while feeling the burning going to his legs. He forced himself to keep running till he reached the rocky wall and paused when he spotted a doorway opening in it. He ran in the doorway opening running into a corridor with stone walls which he ran not caring where he went till his lungs started bursting and he collapsed onto his knees on the dirt floor. He shut his eyes panting for breath and discovered the burning and hotness sensations gone from him which he opened his eyes as he continued to pant. He looked up with night vision to see a large sarcophagus coffin in front of him next to the wall of a large room that was high overhead. He exhaled a breath getting up from the dirt floor to stare at the sarcophagus which he saw had a sword spear on top of it, he recognized as a weapon called Mikan. He sighed and walked towards the sarcophagus leaning over with clawed hands on the Mikan which he with great strength yanked off.
He stood holding the Mikan in his hands as he spoke out loud “This place is my home. I won’t leave it and suffer your fate, Father. I refused to let what happened to you happen to me.”
He exhaled a breath then felt tiredness arriving went to a wall and sat in a leaning position closing his eyes. He felt himself sliding into a lying position laid onto the ground falling asleep.

Eric woke up with a gasp. He got up and looked around the room which he saw a doorway opposite from the sarcophagus which he entered to see a corridor with open doorways on both sides which he counted each having five of them. He went into doorways to discover that that they were empty small rooms. He found rats scattering in all directions in one room which he feeling hungry captured a rat gagging it to death. He brought the rat to his mouth biting into it eating as he entered another room which he saw had water dripping from the ceiling landing into a small stone pool of water on the floor. He finished with the rat threw the carcass away and went to the pool kneeling. Eric brought his hand into the pool scooping up water bringing it to his lips repeatedly.
He felt himself better spoke out loud “I’ll stay here with the rats as my food and this water pool as my drink.”
He got up and walked back to the sarcophagus room where he went to the corner of the room and laid his form on the dirt ground falling asleep.

Eric jerked himself awake when he heard a sound. He opened his eyes as his eyes sight blinked from night vision to day vision while hearing the sound become louder. He sat up to stare at the doorway was a flickering light that was coming nearer and nearer while hearing sounds he recognized as people jabbering. He got up holding the Mikan in front of him to stare at the open doorway which revealed a flaming torch light held in a figure wearing raggedy robes in hand followed by four other figures wearing identical clothing all with turban like headdresses on their heads. He stood watching as the figures spoke words he understood overlapping jabbering all at once. He edged himself closer towards the figures that darted towards the sarcophagus one leaving the torch lying on the floor as they picked at the coffin with knives in their hands. Eric roared some loud nonsense sound which got the figures to stop their picking as he charged at them swinging his Mikan. He heard exclamations of shock from the figures as he used the flat end of the Mikan’s sword part hitting each of them on their heads knocking them out. He stood staring at the figures that lay on the floor unconscious with the torch’s light flickering. Exhaling a breath he picked up a figure by the neck dragging the person out of the room into the corridor passing by doorways towards the entrance where he could see was night time. He with great strength tossed the figure into the air that landed away from him onto the sand. He went inside and repeated the process with the other figures including tossing out the torch light then went to the rats’ room where he could see rats running around in all directions. With quick hand movements he grabbed a rat by the tail and tossed it in the air catching it with his hand around its neck which he squeezed choking it. He smiled a smile of satisfaction as the rat died giving up to death going limp in his hand. He walked out of the room biting into the rat’s body going out the corridor towards the entrance to outside and stood chewing as he listened. Eric heard voices yelling exclamations words understood with overlapping as he listened. He heard horses whinnying sounds as he stood which became fainter and fainter. He once finished with the rat tossed the carcass away went to the pool room going inside to kneel at the pool bringing his hand in it scooping up water which he drank repeatedly.
He spoke once he finished drinking “I’ll stay here and keep people out for it’s my home my place and my sanctuary. No one will enter this place not if I have to kill them just to get rid of the people entering here.”
He sighed and got up leaving the room to the corridor which he walked entering the large room to stand staring at the sarcophagus which he walked to putting a hand on top of it.
He spoke again “I’ll guard you to keep others from interfering with your rest. You have my word on this, for I’m not leaving ever. Nothing will bring me out of this sanctuary except death.”
He gave the sarcophagus a rub and removed his hand to go to a corner lying on the ground closing his eyes as he let sleep over come him. Eric dreamed of walking in the desert wearing robes that covered his head showing his eyes peering out. He was following a figure wearing identical robes covering the head which he automatically knew was his Father. His Father stopped and removed the robe from his head showing black hair which he stood next to him removing his robe from his head to stare at him. His Father looked at him before a look of terror arrived on his face which he screamed before looking down. Eric looked down to see fire licking at his Father’s robes surrounding him. He darted towards his Father who hit him with a fist in the face throwing him backwards hitting the ground. He lay on the ground staring at his Father with horror on his face as the fire abruptly rose surrounding the male.
He screamed out “Father!”
The fire he saw engulfed his father who gave out a crying wail and then the flames went shooting into the sky leaving a black round soot mark on the ground in place of the male.

Eric woke up screaming of terror shaking his form which took him moments to understand where he was. Groaning he rubbed a hand on his head and stood up as his eyes sight flashed from night vision to day vision. He looked at the corridor doorway to see fire light becoming brighter and brighter which he gripped the Mikan in his hands while softly growling. He stared at the light source revealing a figure with a male form holding a torch which he saw had shoulder length sun colored hair while wearing robes that looked neat who came into the room.
He snarled softly as the figure turned to his direction speaking words he understood “Who is there? Show yourself now.”
Eric slowly walked forward his eyes on the male’s eyes that widened seeing him.
He stared at the stranger who spoke again “Why are you living here surrounded by darkness instead of being in the light?”
Eric in response swung the wide end of the Mikan at the stranger hitting him on the knees knocking him to kneel. He angrily grabbed the stranger’s long hair yanking him in a standing position thrusting the sword part of the Mikan at the stranger’s neck.
He spoke “I won’t tolerate visitors here who will be removed by my force even killed if they resist.”
He yanked the stranger into the hallway towards the entrance where he could see sun light shining outside. He brought the stranger to the entrance and thrust his back to the wall.
Eric spoke “Tell the others to stay out. This is my sanctuary, no one enters.”
He turned his back and sensed the torch light behind him shining which he continued walking through the corridor entering the sarcophagus room which he kneeled as his dream of his father burned flashed in his mind’s eye. Groaning he rubbed a hand on his forehead and once again his eyes sight flickered. Growling he got up and turned towards the room’s entrance to see a male with short dark colored hair wearing identical robes as the stranger enter the room with a torch in hand.
He charged at the stranger who spoke “Eric, I’m called Trevor.”
Eric paused mid charge hearing his name spoken by the stranger Trevor. The image of his father catching on fire came to his mind and he continued his charge swinging the Mikan at Trevor who put the torch in front of his face and as he swung, fire from the torch came blowing at him towards his eyes. Eric dropped the Mikan bending down placing hands over his eyes while hearing running footsteps getting fainter and fainter. He removed his hands to blink his eyes which he felt were fine and straightened up his form. He exhaled a breath and looked down on the ground for his Mikan he saw wasn’t there.
Frowning he looked around eyes staring at the ground then he growled out loud “That stranger, Trevor, stole my weapon.”
He roared an angry sound then jogged out of the room to the corridor to the entrance which he walked out into the sun light to see Trevor holding his Mikan in his hands standing next to the stranger he kicked out holding a torch and behind them were a crowd of people who abruptly went silent seeing him. He darted up to Trevor and yanked the Mikan out of his grip then turned his back to the crowd pausing when he heard gasping sounds from behind him. Shaking his head he walked back into the tomb entering the hallway again which he again reached the sarcophagus room. His eyes sight blinked again which he spun around to see Trevor walking speedily into the room which he edged himself towards the wall eyes on him. He saw Trevor go up to the coffin and kneel form becoming still.
Shaking his head of disgust he turned away towards the doorway when he heard his father’s voice speaking “Eric.”
He turned around to stare at Trevor and widen his eyes when he saw his father standing at Trevor’s side wearing a skirt with chest bare of clothing with shiny jewelry on it and a crown on his head staring at him with all dark colored eyes. Eric shook his head closing his eyes. He opened them to find his father gone from standing besides Trevor.
He thought to himself “It was just part of my imagination.”
He turned and froze for inches away staring at him was his father who spoke “You my son are Pharaoh, leader of the people who are counting on you to lead which is what you should be doing. I did not raise you to have yourself isolated surrounded in the darkness living alone.”
Eric gaped at his father with shock on his face as his father continued speaking “You should face your fear the real reason why your isolated yourself in this place.”
He closed his mouth as his father paused then continued speaking “Why did you go out in the sun to get your weapon if you are afraid of the light? Speak your fears don’t keep them to yourself my son.”
He stared at his father who faded from his eyes sight as he turned to face Trevor who he heard was chanting words he heard repeatedly said “Go into the light, don’t be afraid.”
He went to Trevor kneeling in front of the man who stopped chanting to stare at him.
Eric spoke “I have a either a memory or a dream in my mind. I see my father wearing robes covered up walking in the desert with me besides him wearing robes. I was following him who stopped from walking to remove the hood from his head as I did the same with both of us looking at each other. My father looked at me with a look of fear on his face which he screamed of terror and looked down. I looked to see eater licking at his robes surrounding him. I darted towards him to help which he punched me hard throwing me backwards hitting the ground. I could only lie on the ground staring with terror as the eater engulfed my father. I screamed out ‘father!’ as the eater covered him. I heard him give out a crying wail sound then the eater shot up towards the sky leaving a black round soot mark on the ground in his place. I kept walking in the desert till I got a burning sensation on the bottoms of my feet that I felt a hotness feeling that made me yank off my robes. The feeling took over as my feet continued to feel like burning and looked down with bad eyesight to see eater surrounding me which I screamed and ran to here. The burning came up to my legs as I entered this place entering this room falling to a kneeling position and felt the eater had left me.”
He paused as Trevor nodded his head and he continued “I became afraid that the eater would consume me like it did with my father if I was out there so I stayed living here as my sanctuary from it.”
He stared at Trevor who wordlessly handed him a large cloth canteen while speaking “Here, Eric drink.”
Eric took the canteen and brought the open cap part to his lips which he drank recognizing it as milk and he greedily drank till there wasn’t a drop left for him. He handed Trevor the canteen who slung it over his arm as he grimaced as a headache arrived to his head.

Eric himself younger sitting next to an eater with gonoid skins feet aimed at it while staring at a man who had robes covering him across from it. The man pulled off his robes off his head showing a male’s face with a headband of metal on his head his mind told him was his father’s second in command guard named Amony who stared at him with a frown. Eric laid down staring at the sky while feeling his feet warm. He felt a burning sensation in his feet and looked up as Amony darted around the eater with panic in his eyes. He felt the burning sensation reach his legs as Amony grabbed him pulling him away from the eater before tossing a bolt of cloth covering his legs and feet swatting it at him. He felt the burning sensation leave him followed by hotness feeling which he groaned loudly pulling at his long sleeve shirt yanking it off his form.
He felt Amony’s hand on his forehead and heard him speak “By the Gods, burning up.”
Eric laid on the ground feeling himself really hot groaning loudly as he felt a cool cloth cover his forehead which he shut his eyes as he was forced into a sitting position and felt something brought to his lips which he drank recognizing it as milk. He felt the coolness of milk and greedily drank as sleepiness arrived which he stopped drinking becoming still. He felt an arm around his form and felt his head lay on a lap with a cloth still on his forehead as he slept.

An adult Eric kneeling who he saw jerked his eyes to stare at Trevor who spoke “You as younger were burned on the feet and legs from an eater catching on your clothes which gave you the heat sickness. You suffered said to see an image of your father being burned by the eater repeatedly over and over during your sicknesses.”
He saw Eric stiffened at the words as Trevor paused then continued speaking “After your father’s death you were seen going into the desert unstopped wearing what you described walking the perimeter of the city walls outside while crying out ‘Father’ repeatedly.”
He frowned at Trevor’s words who kept speaking “The hotness feeling you had that led you to here was the heat of the desert and the coolness of the tomb helped you feel better.”
He felt better along with hearing his father’s voice "Go with Trevor leaving the place my son."
He got up as Trevor got up and he ran to a corner of the room with hand over his mouth while hearing Trevor gasp loudly. Eric threw up the contents of his stomach several times along with choking like feeling which he felt something in his mouth. He coughed out to see is a small crystal jewel with a cloth necklace which he recognized as his father’s.
Eric put on necklace and went back to Trevor who spoke “Moves like a God for only a God can lead us.”
Guardian frowned finding Eric not acknowledging the words as Trevor handed him the Mikan. He followed Trevor out of the tomb to outside facing the crowd of people who get on their knees as if worshipping him as their God and leader.

Eric became Pharaoh as the leader's title and given clothes and is paraded through the city in a chair held by male slaves with his guards flanking him. The procession stopped at a triangle like stone building Guardian figured is a temple where there are others assumed to be priests there along with a chair in front of the doors. He got off chair by slaves lowering it to the ground and walked up the steps to the chair where he is told by high priest wearing mask of a gonoid God Anubis.
Anubis waved hands over him while chanting in foreign language words not understood. He saw Eric appeared to be staring onto the floor as Anubis is handed hanging a hanging lantern which he waved over him still chanting away. He watched as Anubis hands off lantern then placed hands on Eric's head closing his eyes with his hands.
Anubis spoke "You shall be known as your name, Eric ruler of the kingdom Egyptia."
Anubis’ hands picked at Eric's eyes which he opened and sees the priest take a crown off the masked head and place it on his head which he rolled his eyes while making out a small gasp as he felt a tiny jolt of pleasure. Then he stood up and went to the chair to sit which crowd got onto their knees foreheads to the ground with arms in front of them.
He spoke loudly "I am Pharaoh Eric ruler of Kingdom Egyptia. I will rule the people well."

Eric appeared to be assisted by a priest called Omar who gave him advice on ruling. He found some of the advice is demanding insisting he do this and that while ruling as Pharaoh. He saw Eric appeared to be in love with a female slave with long sun colored hair named Sabba. Eric declared Sabba as his queen despite his priest’s objections. He and Sabba eat food before they went to bed asleep after that with her next to him. Eric appeared to passed out and he waked up in the morning to discover Sabba dead with claw marks on her and her neck is broken. He saw Eric act like he killed her got upset.
The priest Omar arriving into the room appearing to be aware of Sabba's death spoke "It’s a bad omen to mate with slaves for your gonoid side came out and said no to slaves hence the killing."
Eric appeared to mourn Sabba's death wound up sitting on his bed staring at the ceiling lengthy as night and day go by. He appeared to not acknowledge anything all around him or the food brought to his lips. He kept on lying there till a female slave arrived into the room carrying a tray of food. He watched as Eric saw the female a slave and shakes his staring at the ceiling mood. He found Eric appeared to be in love with her and wanted to mate with her.
The female acted rude to Eric speak "I don’t want anything to do with you!"
Eric didn't back down instead corner the female in the room after getting up from the bed. He found her thrusting a knife at his neck when he cornered her to kiss her. Omar arrived into the room to get the female slave away from him to his annoyance.
Omar wound up speaking "You're not to mate with Niya the slave for it’s not what the Pharaoh is supposed to be doing."
Eric responded by going to Omar and thrusting a clawed hand onto the male's face to snarl "You will allow me to mate with Niya I want brought to my bedroom now! I as your Pharaoh orders it!"
Omar darting away in sight followed by Niya entering the room with her arms folded.
Eric spoke "Get in bed now, Niya."
He found his order obeyed but she thrust a knife at his neck when he attempted to lie on top of her.
He spoke "I wanted you as mine when I first saw you-"
Niya interrupted speaking "You killed a slave female and I refused to suffer her fate."
Eric spoke "Niya, just kill me for I still want to mate with you if you're afraid of me."
He closed his eyes and waited as the knife presses harder into the side of his neck. He kept his face blank as he sensed the knife off his throat and Niya kissing him on the lips hands on his cheeks.
They mate which Eric appeared to be is her first.
Then after the mating is done he heard Eric speak to her in whispered tones "I have a gonoid side which is poisonous lips, clawed hands giving up poison and great strength."
She responded "I'm being fine with this."
Eric fell asleep and waked up sensing Niya in trouble to see Omar with guards in the room holding her with priest having a knife at her throat.
Omar is heard while Eric is quietly getting up behind priest’s back with guards not giving him away "Eric mating with a slave girl will ruin my plans to control him in his rule over the kingdom. I will have to kill Niya like I killed this slave girl dubbed Sabba by snapping her neck and getting Eric’s venomous claws on her body while he was passed out by a sleep drug in his food and drink."
Eric appeared to get mad roared loudly surprising Omar who turned around dropping Niya from his knife hold. Omar is attacked by Eric who used his claws on the priest's face who appeared to die from the venom in the scratches. Guards take priest’s body away as Eric calmed down and allow Niya to hold him which he leaned his face on her head relaxing some more from her arms on him. He let Niya bring him to the bed and then they mate again.
Eric is heard speaking "I'm declaring my love to you along with hoping to have you as my equal my queen."

Eric gets new priests who are brothers Kurpanov and Trevor who recognized as the ones who helped the male from the tomb.
A visitor a low ranking official speaking "I am asking you about having a Queen and choosing her among the population."
Eric saw Niya put tray with drinks on ottoman next to his throne chair which he got up as she knelt with head down.
He spoke "I have already chosen a female as my queen."
Eric went to Niya pulling her up who won’t look at him.
He kissed her on the lips and speaks "I have chosen Niya as my queen."
Eric spoke his words while hearing the low ranking official sputter protests.
Niya was stiff to the touch which Eric whispered in her ear "I'm begging you to be my queen and my equal."
He ignored low ranking official took her to his bedroom to resume kissing her on the lips while feeling her really stiff.
He pleaded with a begging tone "I want you as my queen to accept as mine."
Niya he heard haltingly agreed in a broken voice eyes still not looking at him. He held her and brought her to the bed and mated with her. Once done night arrived fell asleep. He waked up in the sun light to discover her gone and goes out of bedroom in the buff roaring for her while feeling angry.
Kurpanov his priest is there with his guards as he roars "I want Niya now! You'll have to go out searching for her!"
His guards point out his nudity with their eyes and heads staring at him which he saw and realized that he’s not wearing clothes. He went back into bedroom put on clothes as Kurpanov followed him. He was forced by Kurpanov to eat and drink food set at a table in the room which he takes and then once getting up fell to the floor unconscious.

He waked up to discover it’s night time and he was in his bed while hearing crying sounds. He saw Niya standing in front of his window crying.
Eric went to Niya rubbing her back speaking "You're not leaving me again for you're as mine as my queen."
He heard Niya speak "My father abused my mother after speaking twin words you spoke to her using the word Priestess instead of queen. My father in one of his angry rages killed my mother in front of me who I as a child ran away. I was found by the Pharaoh who had two slaves raise me and had me become a slave once I was old enough."
He stiffened hearing the words as Niya adds "My father was Omar the priest who didn’t recognize me when he tried to have me killed. I'm afraid of suffering my mother’s fate hence myself trying to run away. A Priest named Trevor caught me and talked sense to me into revealing the truth to you."
Eric lowered his hands went to chair and sat staring at her as she resumed crying while continuing to stand in front of his window. He continued to stare at Niya who kneel curling into a ball while still crying away. He got up walking towards Niya to pick her up carrying her to the bed which he placed her on and pulled the blanket on her form. He got into bed wrapping his arms around her as she fell asleep which he lied awake for a bit.
Eric wound up hearing his father’s voice "Eric get some sleep for you’ll need it."
He closed his eyes and fell asleep as if obeying the order.

Eric is in throne room sparring with a guard using Mikans.
His guard gets his Mikan out of his hands then halts to speak "Pharaoh see about picking up your weapon to resume the fight."
Eric appearing to not realizing it uses blurry speed to go to the Mikan picking it up.
He heard guards around him gasp out “God.”
The word didn’t register to Eric from the behavior which the male easily dismissed but sensed confused.
Messenger boy arrives in room speaking "Guards have requested Pharaoh Eric to the fighting room."
Eric agreed to go walks with guards escorting him to the room a large outdoor courtyard. He was surrounded by guards in a circle which one challenged him to a fight by Mikan which he accepted. He fights with the guard who got the Mikan out of his hands as he sensed from behind him an arrow flying towards him. He twisted to his right grabbing arrow with his right hand and with left arm blocks the wide end of the guard’s Mikan. He heard a voice speak loudly halting the spar which he recognizes as the official who visited him before which he sees standing with the guards. He saw another guard who have Niya with him knife at her throat and her hands are tied in front of her with ropes. Eric stared at Niya as guard with Mikan knocked him to a kneeling position then has blade part of Mikan at his throat.
He heard official speak "Eric killed a slave girl when she displeased him and is pleasuring himself on another slave girl."
Official paused as guards around Eric become silent which the official continued again "Eric was raised to be spoiled doing things his way without caring about others even hurting them if he is not happy with them."
Eric remembered Trevor’s mysterious God line spoken when he was in the sarcophagus room and guards in throne room speaking the word “God” while gasping which it dawns on him the male have a fast speed ability to move. Eric looking away with a look in his eyes as the official continued to rant bad things about him. Eric heard guards grumble loudly as guard with Mikan swings weapon aiming at his throat which he used blurry fast speed to get up on his feet and move till he is behind the guard. Guard turned around looking for him seeing he charged with Mikan again swinging which Eric used his ability to move behind guard who’s Mikan meets air every time it swings at him. He sensed the guards surrounding him are silent as the officials are gasping loudly. This process lasts repeatedly several times till the guard with Mikan tossed it onto the ground then knelt with head bowed. Eric eyed Niya which he saw guard besides her cut ropes binding her with knife freeing her and then gently pushes her forward then knelt as the official and guards kneel. He kept his eyes on Niya whose eyes are staring at the ground as she hesitantly walked with halting steps towards him. He placed hands on her cheeks kissing her on the lips while feeling Niya kiss him back. He placed his arms around her in a hug then looked around at the kneeling people.
Eric spoke "I have chosen Niya as my Queen. I expect my people to accept this."
He heard "We accept."
It's spoken in unison from the guards and official who are kneeling on the floor.

Niya admitted to Eric in private of their bedroom "I'm pregnant."
Eric appeared to have accepted this news. Eric, he watched during Niya’s pregnancy acted fascinated with the baby moving from inside her from having hands on her abdomen while feeling the movements. Niya once her abdomen is so swollen went into labor has a baby which is a boy with Human blue eyes and Human like hands and appearing to have inherited Eric's hair.
The baby turned into a full grown adult male facing the Guardian of Life and Death who spoke "I will judge you on my scales with your life."
Egypt was heard screaming "Life!"
The Guardian without another word held up a hand and a silver ball came out of the male to land into his hand. He put the ball onto the scale and it tipped back and forth ignored by Egypt. The scale tipped heavily onto one side indicating something which the Guardian put the ball back into the male.
The Guardian spoke as Egypt shrieked of joy "Life is what is chosen for you. Be gone now."
The Guardian held up his hands into a blow movement over his lips and blew as the young male facing him got his form rising in the air rising out of the planet Humania towards multiple planets including passing by sun stars till a planet came into view and went into it to focused as if drawn onto a male lying on a stone table with thunder and lightening flashing above while wearing clothe wrappings covering his form entirely from head to foot that nothing was seen of his body only a male form and entered him like a possession then passed out unconscious.

I keep making multiple versions of that story involving “Eric’s Memory.” It sucks.

Plus I keep making multiple versions involving a character in “Tom the Berserker’s” series. I made a version involving one character coming back from the dead as Life Giver. I even made another version involving just this Tom character.

Just not even sure why I keep on making multiple versions of that story over and over. It sucks when I keep on doing that. Plus it’s like I’m recycling stories over and over to self publish online Smashwords. It sucks.

I pretty much preferred to self publish something brand new story wise instead. Just not the same old junk involving my stories or recycled stories over and over. It sucks anyway.

Also I wound up making a first person version of “Eric’s Memory” but this time used the character’s name of Jason as son of a Tom the Berserker’s character. Ugh.

Can’t I think of something brand new story wise instead of recycling stories over and over? It sucks to do that recycling. Yuck.

Just a little annoyed with the story recycling. People claimed that I'm improving my writing skills by my recycling of stories over and over. Just don't know if their really saying the truth or telling me what I want to hear. Ugh.

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May. 9th, 2015 | 01:44 pm
mood: reading

Also I meant to ask town library if they have a copy of Mia Hamm’s book “Go for the Goal.” I wanted to know if they’ll accept a copy of that book as a library book or just sell it. But first I got to get that book to the nurse. The nurse on showing her that book said something of her daughter loves Mia Hamm. I’m not entirely sure if that’s true or not. Oh well. I aim to lend the nurse Mia Hamm’s book due to finished with it.

I lent the nurse a copy of Victoria Beckham’s book “Learning to fly.” I have two copies and I lent the nurse one copy of it. Just thought the nurse would like reading that book or same for her own daughter too. The nurse has a daughter and a son that are practically teens. I think their teens old or younger. Not sure.

Been craving reading a book for awhile.

Mostly wanted to read something else than “Assassin’s Apprentice”, “It’s not about Perfect” and “The Desert Spear.” I was willing to read a fourth book. It sucks when I refused and balked doing that reading. It sucked.

Also I wanted to read a romance novel really bad. But I don’t know which romance novel I should go with. I got three set aside onto my TV’s table. I need to figure out which one I’ll be willing to read. Ugh.

Well one of them is book two of a series. Some kind of vampire western series involving the eighteen hundreds. I considered reading that but I’m not entirely sure if I would want to do it. It’s book two of a series. I haven’t really asked town library for book one for me to read. Ugh. It sucks.

Anyway I managed to check my email. Book two and book three of the Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb is into the town library. Their waiting for me to pick them up. Yay.

I can finish book one of the Farseer trilogy and concentrate onto book two if book one is ending in a cliffhanger. Shouldn’t be a problem for me to get book two and book three from town library. Yay.

Also I like to be able to finish another book this week if I could do that. It’ll be a nice goal to finish a book a week if I can try for that.

I’m not even sure of what number I’m on book wise. I do know I’m in the late forties for my total books read this year. So I should reach fifty soon. I also will have around sixty something books to read before I reach one hundred. Can’t wait for that to happen.

Reaching one hundred books read in a year will be a nice goal for me to do. I wouldn’t mind if I could try that goal this year. Just see what I can do involving reading that many books to register them online Shelfari.

It shouldn’t be a problem for me to try to achieve that goal of one hundred books read in one year. Once I achieve that goal I can avoid trying for another year of that. I can take my time reading books and it won’t matter if I’m behind my pace or ahead of my pace. It’ll be fun I guess.


I have “The Shadow Wranglers: Jared” by Sarah McCarty to consider reading. I might if I’m itching to read something romance like. I’ve been craving a book today. Mostly a romance novel.

I’m not even sure of what book to take as my fourth book to read even though I already got three books going as in progress of reading. Ugh. Also I’m trying to finish those three books but it sucks when I’m craving something else to read instead of those three.

It sucks when I’m just interested into reading about romance involving sex and intercourse stuff. It sucks.

Mom would disapprove of that reading. She’s anti-sex when it comes to books reading. She hates reading that stuff. Pity. It sucks when she does.
She called “Fifty shades of grey” by the wordings “Fifty shades of Yuck.”
It sucks.

Not entirely sure if this heat is making me horny enough to think of reading about sex or something else. It sucks when I’m thinking like that involving sex. It sucks.

Mom is sort of anti-sex when it comes to thinking in that matter including reading about the subject. It sucks when she’s like that. It also explains why I don’t think of sex very much. Just don’t do that deed thing very much at all.

I think I’m anti-sex from my mom and her attitude towards that subject. It sucks when I’m like that. Oh well. It sure does.

The only way I can get sexual moods to hit me is read a romance novel. Especially one involving sexual themes in them. Just have to see which romance novel I’ll read if I’m still thinking of sex on the brain.

I got three romance novels on my TV table at the moment. One is “My Man Michael” by Lori Foster, second is “Lord of the Beasts” by Susan Krinard and third is “The Shadow Wranglers: Jared” by Sarah McCarty.

I think Foster’s book is involving present day stuff involving boxing for fighting. And something else as hinted via Shelfari. Ugh. Shelfari hinted of science fiction and time travel romance in that book. Not entirely sure of what to make of that.

Krinard’s book involves the paranormal theme. But I’m not sure which paranormal theme it involves. Vampires or Werewolves. Also I’m not even sure if it’s book one in a series. Or like Shelfari hinted book four in a series. Not entirely sure if that book is a stand by alone or follows along the other books in the series. I’ll have to find out via Shelfari.

McCarty’s book involves the westerns in the eighteenth hundreds. It involves a paranormal theme involving vampires from what the back of Jared said. Not entirely sure of how sexually graphic that book is. There’s no hint of that.

I tried the first book of the series “The Shadow Wranglers” titled “Caleb.” I tried it and couldn’t get interested into it. I think that book Caleb wasn’t interesting to me. It didn’t attract my eye despite reading a few chapters into it. Caleb was pretty much sexually graphic but not entirely sure of how graphic. It’s been years since I’ve read Caleb. I haven’t read McCarty’s work in a long time.

Besides Caleb was a best seller according to the Jared book’s cover. It’s interesting I guess in that. Anyway I might ask town library for Caleb when I get the chance to ring them up. Just not entirely sure if I can read Caleb. I recalled I didn’t like Caleb when I read it.

I think Jared might be better or more interesting for me. It’s involving a vampire this time. Seems interesting.

Ugh yesterday.

I wound up walking outside around 10:30a.m. To the school’s building. I walked in the sticky heat. It was rather hot out. Yuck.

I got to the school early and wound up in the lounge room reading “It’s not about Perfect” by Shannon Miller. I wound up cooling down a bit. Then near 11a.m. I went to the gazebo to wait.

I kept on reading Miller’s book.

Maureen arrived to see me there at the gazebo. Then after that she drove me and some people to the state forest park for the picnic. It was rather nice being in her air conditioned car. Mostly sitting in the front.

Anyway at the park I finished Miller’s book. Yay. Finally finished that two week loaner. Goody for me.

After that finishing of the book I wound up sitting around chatting with Maureen and whoever was at the picnic.

I also have associated my bible with my attacks of schizophrenia so I gave up reading that book as a result. It sucks when I do that. Oh well. It sure does seem terrible when I associate a book with my attacks. It’s terrible.

I wasn’t sure of what book to read last night. I sort of gave up close to ten thirty on what book to read. I wound up going to bed as a result. Didn’t sleep right away. Instead lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a bit. Then after that I wound up wearing my eye wear mask and shut my eyes and fell asleep.

Mews today

I text emailed Dad “Can you please drive me to town library and grocery shopping?”
Dad replied “Yes 12 noon.”

Goody I can return that DVD “Circle of Friends.” I don’t think I’ll view. I also can return Miller’s book too.

It shouldn’t be a problem for me to pick up other books from town library today and have fun reading them. It’ll be entertaining I guess for me to read the books I want and have fun too.

I wouldn’t mind reading what I can read book wise.

Just not entirely sure if I should pick a third book to read or not. Ugh. I already finished one of the three books yesterday I was in progress of reading. I’m just not entirely sure if I would pick a third book to read.

Perhaps a romance novel or something involving that theme. Ugh. Been craving romance novels for awhile. Since Thursday I’ve been dying to read something romance like but haven’t figured out which book I should read. Ugh again.

Home from being out

Well dad arrived. Yay.

Wound up going to town library. I picked up the rest of Robin Hobb’s Farseer trilogy. Book two and book three. Yay. Except their not month loaners. Both books are due by the end of May. It sucks.

Also asked town library for “The Shadow Wranglers: Caleb” by Sarah McCarty. They didn’t have that book or any book by McCarty. Ugh. Really annoying. I had to inter library loan order that book. It sucks.

After that I considered checking out a romance novel or any romance novels. Didn’t bother with that at all. Ugh.

Wanted to check out the latest book in “The Black Dagger Brotherhood series” by J. R. Ward. Mostly “The Shadows.” But I think that book is a seven day loaner. Besides someone on Shelfari posted three stars for that book. I’m not entirely sure if that book would be a good one for me. Oh well.

Wound up grocery shopping. Bought some food. Then went home. At home put away the food and stuffed my face.

Now I have to figure out when to read and finish “Assassin’s Apprentice” book one in the Farseer trilogy. Ugh.

Not entirely sure if I would read and finish book one in that trilogy. I think I might consider skimming that book. Mostly reading the ending and avoiding reading the whole thing. Maybe I’m just not in the mood to read that book today. Ugh.

I keep on hoping on finishing “Assassin’s Apprentice” by Robin Hobb. I figured since I have books two and three it shouldn’t be a problem for me to finish reading that book.

Just sucks when book two and three are due at the end of the month of May. Not enough time for me to read and finish them without checking them out again. It sucks.

Also sucks is I’m still craving for a romance novel but I can’t make up my mind on what book to read. I got four set aside onto my TV’s table. I’ve meant to read either one of them but haven’t bothered. It sucks.

Just the pits when I asked the town library for a romance novel but they don’t have it. I asked “The Shadow Wranglers: Caleb” by Sarah McCarty like I said. They didn’t have that book at all or any of McCarty’s works. It sucks when I have to wait awhile before I can get Caleb into my hands enough to read it. It sure does seem terrible.

Even terrible is I have to read and finish the Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb. Just not entirely sure of how to do that before the books are due at the end of May. One is due on the thirtieth and one on the twenty eighth. Ugh. Terrible.

Also book one is a small paperback book. Book two or three is a large sized paperback while the other is a thick sized paperback. Ugh. Going to take me awhile before I can finish those books. It sucks.

Even worse of all is I wasn’t in the mood to read “Assassin’s Apprentice” while out with Dad to the town library or to the grocery store.

I wasn’t in the mood to read anything while in the car. Instead I jotted notes into my journal and that was it. I got a notebook in my purse I use to jot notes into it. I didn’t jot much notes into it very much. Just about what I did that day. Involving town library and grocery shopping. Ugh.

Anyway maybe I’m just fed up with reading books today. I read a great deal of Shannon Miller’s book “It’s not about perfect” yesterday. I even read a bit of the e-book version. I must be fed up with books today.

Just hoping I can get over this mood of being fed up with books today to finish “Assassin’s Apprentice” another day. I like to read the rest of the Farseer trilogy ASAP. Mostly before the last week of May.

Also finish reading “The Desert Spear” by Peter V. Brett. I’ve barely made a dent into that book. Not entirely sure I know when that book is due back at the town library. Ugh. I meant to ask the librarian today but didn’t bother. Oh well.

“The Desert Spear” seems a really good book. Just worthy of finishing the book when I get the chance. I’m just going to read much of “The Warded Man” series till I get fed up then read something else.

Robin Hobb’s Farseer trilogy involved this male character named Fitz has come out with more books on him. Ugh. She came out with two more books on this character. It sucks when I’m stuck having to read those books if they catch my eye. Ugh.

Just hope that the Fitz’ books aren’t seven day loaners when I check out further books of that series.

I’m just hoping she’ll make a trilogy with her latest books involving the Fitz character. Just like some of her other books she made and published. Their in trilogies actually.

Anyway I wouldn’t mind checking more of Hobb’s books out when I get the chance to do it. Not today. Too late to bother. Town library closes at two o’clock. Doors lock at one forty five in the afternoon. It sucks.

Besides I don’t feel up to phoning them for books at the moment. Just prefer to wait till Tuesday to bother with the pestering of books. Mostly visiting the town library and asking them for books galore when I get the chance to do it.

So I figured I'll keep on reading books when I feel up to it. Ugh.

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Books and Mews on where I've been

May. 7th, 2015 | 10:40 am
mood: blahblah

Ugh horrible day Tuesday

Wound up going to deaf club Tuesday. It was fun but during the Uno game I wound up bothered by close contact involving being stressed out playing that game. I just didn’t like it or like sitting too close to someone to my comfort. It sucked.

Also wound up with the schizophrenia attacking me when I left the deaf club. I went to Barnes and Noble to look at books. I was pretty much bothered by the voice. Couldn’t enjoy myself while I was in the bookstore.

I wound up looking at the paper version of “It’s not about perfect” by Shannon Miller. It’s in hardcover and was really expensive. Mostly priced $25.99 for it. I’m just shocked that the hardcover was costing so much money. Yuck. Didn’t buy that book at all. Too expensive.

Anyway wound up looking in the Romance section including the Science Fiction section.

Tried to find book two and book three of Robin Hobb’s Farseer trilogy. They didn’t have the books at all. It sucked. Also they had “Assassin’s Apprentice.” Ugh. It sucked when they didn’t have what I wanted.

After Barnes and Noble I went home and read muse talk for a few hours while hearing the schizophrenia attacking me involving an attack of paranoia. It sucked when that has to happen.

I tried to nap around 5pm as in really creep out to do that. I couldn’t sleep much. Tried to get Dad to come over to drive me to the hospital for getting admitted. Dad balked.

He wound up driving me to the town library where I picked up a DVD of the movie “Circle of Friends.” I thought of picking a book to read but didn’t bother.

Dad took me for a ride around via his car as I read my Bible. I finished several sections of that bible. It had short sections in that bible involving Old Testament.

Dad drove to the reservoir where there was a dam. We went for a walk there to the dam. Mostly to look at the dam’s water and stuff. Then walked back to the car. I was really creep out by the rocks and cracks in the ground. I kept on hearing the voice chanting involving an attack over and over. Ugh.

After the reservoir was to Walmart where we used the facilities. I wasn’t in the mood to walk around. Really creep out by the noises in my head. Dad agreed to my request and took me outside. We met two friends of Dad there. An older couple that I wasn’t sure who they were but Dad had a nice chat with them. I mostly read my bible while I was with dad. Then dad drove me home.

At home he sat in the car and wrote some paper notes:

“…..because you are upset about something. The voice is loud because it wants you to listen to it. Trying to force yourself to sleep doesn’t seem to be working. The voice gets louder. Don’t force sleep. Watch TV. Read book surf internet. You will sleep when your body decides its time to sleep. Forcing sleep doesn’t work. It doesn’t seem to be fooling the voice. Figure out what you are upset about and deal with it. Or write about it at least. If you don’t know why you are upset, ask the voice if it knows. If you still feel awful in the morning then we will go to ER. The psych people don’t get there until 9am and they have to talk to all night cases first. Start asking the voice to explain itself if it can. Ask it why it’s so noisy. Maybe it might answer you someday.”

He used paragraphs for his notes but I skipped that when quoting him into here.

After that I went home into my apartment and wound up reading muse talk for awhile. Mostly till around 8pm is when Mom text emailed me.

She and I wound up on the phone for over an hour till like 915pm is when we got off.

I wound up reading muse talk for some more including fixing mistakes in one journal. Mostly the April journal I typed and saved so far. I figured it can’t hurt to fix what’s going on with the April journal so I did that.

Then around 10pm I quit for bed. Lay awake in bed for a few minutes. Mostly letting my eyes getting used to the darkness. I think I slept fine.

Woke up this morning due to bathroom. Had urges to pee. Woke up and did my duty in the bathroom then tried to sleep some more. I wound up aggravated by the schizophrenia chanting something involving its familiar question. Gave up with sleeping and got up.

I was pretty much lengthy with my emails to Janet and Maureen. Didn’t mention the fiasco of yesterday’s voice attack. Sick of mentioning that to either of them. Mostly mentioned my day at Barnes and Noble and that was it.

Had a weird dream involving an apartment in Wethersfield I used to live in when going to regular school not college.

Not entirely sure of what’s the point of that dream. Anyway I stole mom’s glasses off her face and threw them onto the floor. She wasn’t happy about that. I picked up the glasses from the floor and tucked them into my pants then went downstairs to the basement. Mom followed me while wearing another pair of glasses. She was forceful on getting her original pair of glasses back from me.

Another dream was me typing some email while on the stairwell of the apartment. Mostly typing about my mom being crazy and making me give up a cat as a pet. Not entirely sure of that dream. Anyway mom came up the stairwell and was nosy wanting to know what I was typing. I refused to show it to her. Instead went into my bedroom to sit onto my bed. I saw a kid fooling around into a box yanking stuff out that appeared to be bookends. Then I wound up onto the bed lying onto it as the kid played toys while trying to get my attention. Mom and another woman arrived into the room and were busy painting the walls or something. Not entirely sure of what’s the point of this dream.

Then I woke up. I think I came to with the cutest cat ever sitting onto my front. Either that or she was cuddle bumming me. Cute. Also she cuddled me for a bit then I woke up after she got off. I wound up hitting the bathroom. Mostly just to get rid of urges to pee. Then resumed bed. Didn’t get much sleep at all. I only slept for like fifteen minutes. I woke up feeling fed up with sleeping so I got up.

Wound up lengthy with my emails to Janet and Maureen like I said. So I figured it was best to type an entry into here out of needing something to type. Ugh.

Don’t feel inclined to work onto muse talk. I’m more inclined to type this entry down instead. Just do.

Also I have to go take my shower and then shave my legs and armpits. I think I’m hairy enough there. I think it’s about time I’ve shaved anyway.

Think I got a nurse’s visit today.

Not entirely sure of what else I’m to do today other than pestering Dad into driving me around. Maybe I’ll just go to the reservoir and walk while wearing sneakers. I wore crocs when walking there last time. It sucked having to wear those crocs. I didn’t seem to enjoy the walk very much. Ugh.

Besides I liked the reservoir walk. It was really good anyway. I haven’t walked the reservoir in a long time. It’s been awhile since I’ve walked that path or the road to the lake. I had a good time walking there but I was creep out by the schizophrenia’s voice’s chanting. It sucked.

Text emailed Momsy who ignored me. She hasn’t bothered to text email me yet for a phone call. Ugh.

Well wound up online chatting with Maureen onto my computer till my internet crashed and I had to go onto my cell phone to keep on chatting with her.


Also still waiting for Momsy’s text email for a phone call this morning. Hmph. It sucks having to wait too long for her to bother to text email me. Ugh. Nurse text emailed me. So I’m to receive a visit from her. Well that’s nice.

Don’t have much planned for today.

Just might as well ask dad to take me walking on the reservoir so I can get some much needed exercise or something. I liked the walk there but I do mind the schizophrenia voice chanting too much while I was there. It sucked.

Cute baby kitten wound up snatched up for a nice hug this morning. She was cute with receiving the hug. She was accepting but wasn’t in the mood for a lengthy hugs fest. She got out of my arms and wandered elsewhere. Poor baby cute kitten.

Think Maureen ended chat with me. She didn’t read my response. Mostly signed out and haven’t bothered to read what I said to her via the cell phone chat onto the thing. It sucked having to have that happen. Ugh.

Maureen must have gone to work or something I think. I think she went to work. She’s working today as usual.

Also tomorrow is Maureen’s birthday. I have to find a nice card to give to her for her birthday. Plus a nice gift card to someplace too. Maybe CVS would do. I would have to walk to CVS and see about what I can do to buy a nice gift card including a birthday card to give to Maureen. Maybe I’ll mail it once I get her address or something. Not entirely sure of that shit.

Anyway just hate it when I use vulgarity into my journals and writings. It sucks but nothing I can do involving that except express the fuck out of my shit self.

Just got a nurse’s visit today. Nurse text emailed me. Yay. So I guess I should be fine seeing her today. Hmph. Well that’ll be good because I can whine to her involving yesterday’s episode making me aggravated with the schizophrenia.

Yay I’m done with a book
I managed to get dad to agree to take me out for a drive around. He agreed and picked me up at noon. He came five minutes early actually with stuff for the dump and recycle. PU.

Went to the dump for dad to drop off garbage and recycle. I wound up purchasing some things from the dump’s thrift store. Bought a book “Twilight” by Stephenie Meyer in paperback. Then after that bought a soccer statuette and another statuette trophy as pointed out by the cashier manning the store. It was rather nice of her to do that.

Anyway drove around before stopping by a town and finding their town library nearby a Catholic church Mom and I used to go to for masses. I didn’t like that town library very much. I wasn’t inclined to check out a book while I was there. Instead the building felt stuffy and formal to my taste. Yuck.

After that was to Michael’s for Dad to find a flagpole for his flag. I think he wants to put the flagpole into the front yard but I’m not sure. I found something that resembled a flagpole but dad trashed that. He didn’t agree with my selection. Oh well.

Went to the Goodwill store after Michael’s across the street. I was intending to find a High School jacket. Dad found me one of Michigan involving their University. Not impressed with the price tag of almost twenty dollars. Yuck.

I wound up buying four books instead of that Michigan jacket. I bought “The Shadow Wranglers: Jared” by Sarah McCarty, “Cecile Girl of many lands” An American Girl book, “A Samantha Mystery, the Curse of Ravenscourt” another An American Girl book and “Lord of the Beasts” by Susan Krinard.

I marked two of those four as planning to read on Shelfari. I listed McCarty and Krinard’s books online there but not the American Girl books. Wasn’t in the mood to read the American Girl books. Instead mostly collect them for selling off via online somewhere that’s appropriate for me to do that.

I went to the town library in Winsted and picked up the hardcover version of “It’s not about Perfect” by Shannon Miller. I wanted to have that book on hand for taking a look and see at the pictures. I also was thinking of maybe reading that book once I figure out where I left off via e-reader version.

The e-reader version of Miller’s book cost me thirteen dollars and some change.

The hardcover according to price was costing around twenty six dollars and seemed not in good quality kind of book for that price. I think that book should have been thicker and better quality to merit that outrageous price tag. It sucked when it’s really expensive nowadays.

I got home and wound up reading and finishing Mia Hamm’s book on Soccer called “Go for the Goal.” That book seemed entirely on how to do soccer than anything on her life. It sucked when her life only involved pictures and that was it. Didn’t discuss much on her life at all. Only seemed to be like a how to do Soccer book. Ugh. I rated it four stars out of five on Shelfari.


Well don’t have much to add involving what books I should read next. I tried to read a bit of “Assassin’s Apprentice” by Robin Hobb. I could only read a page of it. Mostly before the computer and TV distracted me.

I got the TV onto a talk show at the moment on NBC channel. Anyway I’m just aiming to see what I can do TV wise tonight. I’m just hoping I can view the TV for awhile if I feel inclined.

Also read more of Hobb’s book. Just try to finish it a great deal. If that book ends in a cliffhanger I’ll read Shelfari’s comments of the book two and see what happens next. It shouldn’t be a problem for me to do that shitty reading anyway.

Shouldn’t be a problem for me to get book two of the Farseer trilogy by Robin Hobb from the town library.

I aim to once I’m done with book one donate it to the town library. I figured they could use the book themselves as a library book. It’ll be fun I guess doing that donating.

Anyway book one of the Farseer trilogy isn’t that attractive to my eye to want to read the book fully without putting it down. I read a page of the book and I didn’t feel inclined to read more of that thing. Instead I put the book down onto my TV’s table and decided to do something else instead.

I set aside two of the American Girl books into my bookcase unread. I don’t think I’ll be reading them anyway. I might be reading them later but not now. Not today.

I’m just collecting those American Girl books for my American Girl dolls. Sort of like a companion to those dolls actually. Anyway make them easier for me to sell the dolls online if I got books for them. I think Maureen talked on that subject once. I don’t aim to collect anymore American Girl dolls unless I can afford it. Same with the books if I can find them at various stores for cheap prices and collect them.

Anyway set aside Kailey and Marisol’s books into my bookcase. Also set aside another book on Samantha including a book on Cecile. I put them into my bookcase for saving later when I feel inclined to read them.

I don’t think I’ll be reading the American Girl books I’ve collected. I think I’ll set them aside and keep them when I feel inclined to sell some American Girl dolls online eBay. Hopefully that isn’t in the cards. I don’t like that selling of dolls online eBay. Just don’t particularly care for that shit.

I still got “The Desert Spear” by Peter V. Brett to read and finish. I have to see when I can start that book and make a great dent into it before it’s due back at the town library. I might as well read that book and see how it goes.

Ugh not entirely sure of how many books are in “The Warded Man” series by Peter V. Brett. I think more than two actually. Might be as many as six or seven but I don’t know. It sure does suck I guess.

Oh well.

Started reading “The Desert Spear” by Peter V. Brett. I read a great deal of that book. Mostly as long as I could stand for an hour. Mostly till the Ellen show came onto the TV is when I quit that book for TV.

“The Desert Spear” reminds me of Arabian Nights or some story involving that Middle Eastern thing. I’m not entirely sure why the author went with that theme in that story. Just not entirely sure if it’s amusing me but the book has caught my eyes so far. It’s rather amusing me but I’m not entirely sure of what’s with the Middle East theme in it. Oh well.

Anyway I read about forty pages of that book till Ellen came on with her talk show.

I meant to read the beginning the prologue but it was included into book one “The Warded Man” so I skipped that part. I only skimmed a part of that prologue part and that was it. The prologue was in the first book of the series at the end actually. Some teaser for people to want to read book two. Might be that.

Ugh dying to tell Mom my day while I was outside with Dad. Just impatiently waiting for Mom to bother to text email me back in response to my text email. Ugh. Want to talk to her about my day. Also type about it via TTY phone.

I considered typing something like an email to Janet about my day but I wasn’t in the mood. I considered the same thing typing to Maureen but couldn’t get myself into the mood to do it.

Ugh sucks.

Pretty much prefer to talk to mom first then type to Janet and Maureen my day involving what I did today. It’s just something I want to share with Mom first then bug Janet or Maureen about it. Ugh.

Tomorrow is going to be warm weather. Warm as summer. Same on Friday. Well that’s good. It’ll meant the picnic on Friday will be nice and sunny including nice and warm for people to enjoy themselves fooling around. It’ll be fun I guess.

Maureen is giving rides to the picnic on Friday at the gazebo. She’s requiring people to meet her at the gazebo at 1115am. Ugh. It’ll mean walking to there around 1030am and sitting in the gazebo reading a book. It sucks I guess but it’ll meant bugging Maureen for a ride. Dad insisted that I get a ride from Maureen when I told him via text email about the picnic on Friday.

Can’t wait to tell Momsy about the picnic on the phone. I like to be able to do that shitty telling when I get the chance to do it. Like to be able to mention it to her tonight if she bothers to text emails me. Ugh.

Anyway cute baby kitten was on my lap when I got home from being out. I wound up turning the TV on and got bored with the tabloid TV show airing on NBC. I get bored with the TV easily from time to time.

I wound up reading Mia Hamm’s book “Go for the Goal” with cute baby kitten sitting onto my lap. She was demanding attention from me. As in back scratched and rubbed while thrusting her rear into my face. Damn cat. Dumb animal dumb cat. Ugh.

Well finished Mia Hamm’s book but finished a chapter and cute baby kitten got off my lap. I wound up reading more of that book while Meredith’s talk show was on the TV. I ignored the TV to finish reading Mia’s book. I was in the mood to read something so I finished her book. Yay.

Also I wound up reading “The Desert Spear” due to urges to read that book while typing onto here. I was craving to read that book instead of “Assassin’s Apprentice.” I wound up reading about forty pages of “The Desert Spear” for an hour during Steve’s talk show.

Steve’s talk show really bores me to tears. I find Steve is a lunatic a closet comedian hence he’s always trying to be funny during his talk show. It sucks when I don’t like watching Steve’s talk show. I just don’t care for his talk show very much. I don’t like Steve very much. Think he’s insane a lunatic and a comedian in the closet. Yuck.

Anyway read “The Desert Spear” during Steve’s talk show. Mostly the whole hour of that talk show till 4pm is when Ellen came onto the TV. It’s when I quit reading that book and wound up focusing onto Ellen’s talk show.

Ellen’s talk show is funny and makes me laugh. My laughter drives Sam crazy when I do that laughing. She hides from me. Poor kitty.

Also I wound up sick with diarrhea during the Ellen show. So it killed my appetite for dinner around 5pm. I forced myself to eat some cheese sticks and then later some ice cream including some veggie fruit juice and some chocolate milk. Ugh. Not entirely sure if it’s healthy but at least I ate some food for my pill.

I take an 80mg Geodon pill at 5pm so I try to eat much food as I can.

I tried to eat something else than just cheese but my appetite was lousy. I had to force myself to eat the cheese sticks. Including around 515pm I ate the ice cream that came with a cone and peanuts on it including chocolate.

The schizophrenia was picking onto me kept saying “Eat more food.”
Kept on saying that after I ate the cheese sticks. Ugh. So I obeyed despite sick in my stomach from the bathroom. Yuck.

Hmph cutest cat ever has claimed a blanket as her bed. I put the blanket on top of a chair I was going to use for the winter cold weather. Not for the summer weather. Since its summer I don’t need to use that blanket. Hence I got it on top of a lawn chair at the moment in my bedroom. Cutesy cat claimed it as her bed and been snoozing in it galore. Cute.

Don’t have much planned for tomorrow. Maureen is busy for her birthday tomorrow. Ugh. Mostly busy for work. Yuck. Anyway I aim to see if I can stop by her office tomorrow and drop off a card with a gift card to CVS. I aim to see if I can do that.

Maybe I’ll wait till Friday when I see Maureen for the deaf club picnic. Ugh. I figured I’ll walk to the school and see Maureen for that. I figured it shouldn’t be a problem for me to get a ride from Maureen and just give her the card in person. Ugh.

Ugh again. It’ll mean tomorrow I’ll have to walk to CVS and buy a gift card for ten bucks if I have the money for it. Maybe I’ll just buy a card or make one. Not entirely sure of that. I got some coloring pens from the Deaf Club including some paper of designs I could draw and make a card out of. I figured that Maureen would like that instead of something store bought.

Well still waiting for miss phone ignorance to bother to text email me. Ugh.

Bored with the TV at the moment. Sort of bored with NBC. Yawn. Been watching NBC since 130pm since I’ve gotten home. Ugh. Bored to tears actually. Ugh. Don’t particularly care for NBC at the moment. Sort of fed up enough to ignore the TV and just type onto here.

Want to do something instead of the TV. Want to talk to mom badly. Too bad she’s balking on texting me ASAP. That despite being off from works at 5pm. Ugh. Not happy about that shitty waiting I have to wait for miss phone ignorance to bother to send me a text email.

Ugh really?!

Just might as well concentrate onto the TV for awhile. I don’t think I’ll be reading any books tonight. I might be just focused onto the HGTV channel instead. Maybe watching that channel till like 10pm tonight. It shouldn’t be a problem for me to go off the computer and focus onto the TV for awhile.

Just can’t wait for 7pm so I can focus onto HGTV. Don’t care for NBC. Fed up at the moment. It sucks when I’m fed up. Yuck.

Plus world news is recycling local news’ broadcast in their own words and broadcast. Ugh. Boring. It’s rather boring me to tears when they do that shitty rebroadcasting. It sucks.

Just not even sure if I would be watching TV tonight. I’m just in a talkative mood tonight but no one is cooperating for me to get my talking done.

I’m not even keen on texting Dad. I’m not even keen on text emailing Maureen or Janet. I prefer to talk to Mom instead of anyone else.

I don’t even want to ring up the town library to ask for a frivolous book request. Ugh. Frivolous book request involving asking them to set aside some books I know they have and hoping to check them out later. Ugh. I did that shit onto the “Fallen” series by Lauren Kate. I just don’t particularly care to do that again. Just don’t.

Besides I read the first book of the “Fallen” series. Wasn’t impressed with it actually. Its theme seemed religious fiction to me. Sort of like good angels versus bad angels. Ugh. Not what I had in mind to read. I might read more of that series if I feel up to it. Ugh again.

Maybe I should donate my American Girl books onto the town library and see if they’ll use them. It should be nice of me to do that. Plus those books will get read. I can avoid the urges to sell dolls online eBay.

I don’t particularly care for eBay very much. I keep losing money via eBay including ripped off. Just don’t like eBay or care to give them business. Yuck!

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May. 1st, 2015 | 06:49 pm
mood: reading

Besides I’ve been meaning to read more of Hamm’s book “Go for the Goal” but I’m not in the mood. I guess I’ve read too much of that book yesterday that I’m fed up today.

I’m trying to finish Robin Hobb’s book “Assassin’s Apprentice” but I keep on thinking that book would end into a cliffhanger. Requiring me to read book two to figure out what happens next. Hence I am balking to finish that book. It sucks when I do that.

I’ve asked town library for book two and three in the Hobb’s Farseer trilogy involving the first book “Assassin’s Apprentice.” Problem is the town library takes forever to get me any books I want to read next. It sucks when they do that.

Also sucks when I get any book to read from the town library I find my mood isn’t there when I finally get the book. It sucks when that has to happen. Ugh. Oh well.

I set aside books I’m hoping to read. Such as Lori Foster’s “My man Michael” and Jacqueline Carey’s “Kushiel’s Justice.” I was hoping on reading either one of those two books hence I put them onto my TV’s table.

Just a little frustrated when I’ve got too many books to read and haven’t started any of them yet.

I registered Foster’s and Carey’s books online Shelfari as I’m planning to read. I think I registered Carey’s book but not Foster’s book. I might have to do that when I get the chance to go online Shelfari.

Plus I have to see if I can hold off finishing Hobb’s book and wait till I can get book two of that book including book three. I figured it shouldn’t be a problem for me to wait if I feel inclined. Maybe I’ll wait for awhile. I don’t know. I do want to finish reading Hobb’s book. Just don’t know if I should finish that book or wait till I get book two of the trilogy.


Besides I’m reading three books at the moment. One is Hobb’s “Assassin Apprentice.” Second is “Go for the goal” by Mia Hamm and third is “It’s not about Perfect” by Shannon Miller.

Miller’s book is an e-book at the moment I’m just trying to read and finish. I already read about six chapters of that book so far. I’m hoping to finish more of that book and see what I can do to register Miller’s book online Shelfari as I’m currently reading.

I’m not entirely sure if I should start another book and read that while I take breaks from Miller’s, Hobb’s and Hamm’s books. I don’t want to be torn into too many places with books to read.

Or forget that I’ve read that book and don’t remember the contents of it. Sort of like one of the books at the hospital like “Family Affair” by Debbie Macomber. I’ve read that book in one sitting and can barely remember what’s it’s about. I just don’t remember that book very good at the moment. I don’t know if I would want to read more of Macomber’s works. Maybe I’ll ask town library for her books but it depends on whether I’m willing to read them. Ugh.

Haven’t been in the mood for typing muse talk in awhile lately. I haven’t been in the mood for reading muse talk either. I only read a few stories onto the computer earlier this week. That was just what I got short stories put onto the computer.


Haven’t been in the mood for much today. I was hoping on doing tons of laundry but I’m out of some quarters. Ugh.

Plus I got my paycheck deposited. Yay. Well that’s good. At least I’ll be able to pay some bills.

Assuming the internet would cooperate. The internet refused to cooperate for me to pay my cell phone bill online. It sucked when the internet balked rudely. It also sucked when my internet is giving me problems involving doing stuff online. Ugh again.

Paid my cell phone bill but the internet was still acting up like its trying to take a day off. Sucks. I had to quit the internet.

At least I paid my bill involving the cell phone. Yay.

Anyway I got bills involving my cable service and electricity. Then I should have some money left over to save for buying it onto junky stuff like books. I wouldn’t mind if I could buy some nice books.

Mostly buy the rest of the Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb. I like to be able to go to that bookstore in Massachusetts and give them some business by purchasing some more books. I got good service last time I was there and want to go again to give them more business. I like to do that sometime.

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Books galore to read

Apr. 30th, 2015 | 10:02 am
mood: reading

I went to Deaf club on tuesday. i brought along three books I was intending to read in the car ride to the deaf club. I didn't bother to read the books. i brought along three "Assassin's Apprentice" by Robin Hobb, "Go for the Goal" by Mia Hamm and "The Desert Spear" by Peter V. Brett. Ugh.

couldn't read any of those three books at all. i wound up writing into my journal instead on the way to the meeting. it sucks. also tried to read a bit of my bible i brought along in my purse. i wound up too anxious to bother reading it so i gave up and wrote in my journal instead.

wednesday i went to a cell phone store intending to fix my cell phone and get a better service for it. I wound up starting this e-book "It's not about Perfect" by Shannon Miller. It's an autobiography book on her life so far from what I've read. I've read about five chapters of that book. it's really good and caught my eye. at the moment I'm just not sure if i would be able to finish that book today or later.

yesterday I wound up reminded of a doctor's appointment today. ugh. means i have to walk to the doctor's office for an appointment. dad is more interested into having me walk than driving me around.

anyway I'm not sure of what books to bring along with me to the doctor's office. ugh.

well I'm still reading Hobb's book but not as often as i liked to. I'm also trying to finish Hamm's book. I managed to read a page of that book yesterday while having the TV on. the TV wound up distracting me so a page of Hamm's book was all I could managed.

Just not even sure of what book i'll be in the mood to read when I'm at the doctor's office. It depends on my mood when I get there. ugh.

also depends on whether I can eat out for lunch or not. I'm not entirely sure if i would want to eat out for lunch. it'll be entertaining getting some books read while I'm outside eating in a restaurant. ugh.

if i eat out for lunch i would have to eat at a restaurant that accepts checks because i don't have the money in my wallet. i spent it all on food at the school earlier this week. ugh.

besides i figured i'll bring my e-reader with me and read Miller's book when i get the chance to sit down and read. also plan to bring Hobb's book including Hamm's book. I figured i'll carry Hamm's book and just read that on the way to the doctor's office for resting periods or during my walk.

Just might have to bring some food along with me if I feel inclined to do it. depends on how i feel when it comes to carrying my lunch bag and Hamm's book inside that thing. ugh.

Don't have much mews to add. Might as well go read a book.

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Today's stuff

Apr. 26th, 2015 | 07:19 pm
mood: aggravatedaggravated

Bad Business and News

Terrific I received an email today this morning from PayPal saying they were refunding the money $67.09 worth to the buyer Nuala McDonnell who bought my American Girl Doll online eBay.

This bitch Nuala claimed the doll wasn’t arriving to her residence in Ireland. Hence she opening a case against me and that the address she gave me was an American address.

I tried to reason with this bitch about the address being American and sent to me. She refused to listen and kept on claiming it wasn’t the address she sent or was using including the address was supposedly be going to Ireland.

I feel like I got ripped off.

She gave up her fake address knowing it wouldn’t do anything for getting the doll and ripped me off with the open case. It sucks when she pulled this jokey status onto me. Also I sold that American Girl doll online eBay for nothing. I think she got the doll in the mail and pulled this stunt onto me to get her money back. It sucks.

Also even worse is one of the buyers demanded half her money back or threatened to do a case against the quality of the American Girl Elizabeth doll I sold her. I was forced to do that just to avoid losing money. What a rip off!

I hate eBay!

I really do hate eBay. I keep on losing money that way. Plus I keep on spending my money off junk online eBay only to get ripped off. It sucks.

Also the internet isn’t working for me to do anything with it.

I tried to get online my bank account to see how much money I have left. The internet refused to let me sign in to type my password. Instead crashed and froze up too. It sucks when the internet isn’t doing anything for me. I’m not happy at all. I wanted to know how much money I have left in my bank account. Now thanks to the internet’s balking I have to go to the bank in town and find out via ATM machine. It sucks.

Text emailed Momsy who ignored me. She must be sleeping or something. Now I have to wait forever for her to text email me. Ugh.

Plus I have to text email dad that I need food into my kitchen. I’m out of some foods I have in the kitchen. It sucks when I don’t have much to eat. It also sucks when I don’t want to eat some of that food. I just don’t.


I have to figure out via the grocery store of what foods to buy that are healthy and won’t expire in a few days. It sucks when I’m stuck with trying to get food that is healthy. I have ideas of buying food but I’m not entirely sure if I would go through with that. I have to wait and see when I go to the grocery store.


I tried to lie in bed last night with the lights off. Problem was someone a neighbor had their porch light on that blared into my apartment and kept my eyes to the lights. It sucks. So I had to sleep right away as a result.

Baby cute kitten wound up visiting me in my sleep. She even got onto my front this morning. She got onto my front after I woke up and marked my face and glasses with her side of her face. She even gave me licks onto my nose too. She’s rather cute when she does that. I wound up petting her royal cuteness galore till she walked off. I haven’t really held her this morning or yet. I have to wait till she agrees to that holding is when she’ll stay and let me hug her.

Just depressed today.

Just woke up late for me. Stayed up till 1030pm then went to bed. I stayed awake till like twenty minutes to 11pm is when I crashed. I woke up late this morning. About ten minutes past eight o’clock.

I didn’t take my pills till after 830am. Mostly because I showered first then took them. Breakfast wasn’t much. Just something to fill the tummy because I don’t like taking those pills onto an empty stomach. One has a side effect of making me feeling like throwing up. So I don’t like empty stomach taking those pills. It sucks.

Text emailed dad to take me out grocery shopping. Mostly too early for that but I figured it can’t hurt to do that text emailing early. Just want to grocery shop for some food. Mostly get what I can get from stop and shop. Ugh.

The sun isn’t out at the moment. It’s down right cloudy outside. The lack of sun is not doing much for my mood. Instead the sun’s lack of appearance is making me sad and depressed. Ugh. It sucks when I’m depressed and sad today.

Also depressing me is the internet is refusing to work for me to do anything online. It sucks when that has to happen. Just annoyed with the internet that keeps on crashing and freezing up whenever I’m online trying to do something. It sucks.

Better News to wait

Ugh Mom text emailed me while I was online chatting with Maureen via computer. I had to go to the phone to talk to mom while I continued chat with Maureen via cell phone. I talked to mom. She claims she’ll come up first to Auntie’s apartment to drag her out to my place to bring me to lunch and an outing. I whined that I wanted to grocery shop and that I threw out food that expired and food I wasn’t eating.

Hmph already text emailed dad that I wanted grocery shopping.
He gave me “1230pm maybe.”
As his response.

Then I told mom about needing food via phone. She agreed to come up and see me including taking me out grocery shopping at stop and shop. I need fruit and vegetables to eat. I figured I’ll rope mom into helping me buy some of that stuff around the grocery store. I can’t seem to figure out where they put that stuff while I’m there. I can find fruits to buy but veggies? Nope can’t seem to find them that are good quality. Ugh.

Anyway mom ended phone call.

I went back online to continue chatting with Maureen. Maureen told me about having Gramma’s chair altered via sewing alterations including new fabric. Plus Maureen told me to use that chair as my TV’s chair when I sit and lounge around. I figured use of Gramma’s chair will help me save money that way. Except I might have to pay for alterations of the chair. It’ll help me save money for it.

Oh well.

Plus use the money saved so far for baby cat's vet bill when its time for her vet appointment in October. She’s due to receive shots. Poor kitty isn’t going to be happy about that. Also I don’t want to depend onto dad to pay for the vet bill. I prefer to pay for it myself.

I managed to text email Dad “Talked to mom on phone. She wants to come up and see me. Grocery shopping will wait another day. Plan to bug Mom to do groceries.”
Dad text emailed me in response “Ok Tuesday.”

Well hopefully Mom is willing to do groceries when she shows up today. I like to get more food anyway. I’m practically out of some foods in my kitchen including don’t have much left for me to eat. Ugh.

Snatched the baby cute kitten for a hug fest. She kitty kissed me in response. Mostly licking my face and allowing me to snuggle. Cute.

Maureen complained via Facebook email that she couldn’t wait for the semester to be over. Mostly so she can hang out with her friends like me. I can’t wait for the spring semester to be over so I can have outings with Maureen again. I miss having lunches with Maureen including shopping outings too. It sucks when she’s been really busy with the college at work doing her job, teaching students and doing lots of tutoring.

Ugh. It sucks.

Also I miss having outings with Maureen including lunches with her. I miss being social with Maureen. She’s been really busy lately. I think with final exams coming up in May she’ll be really busier tutoring students and prepping them for exams. It sucks.

Well Maureen ended chat because her husband woke up and wants breakfast. Her husband sleeps later than I do. He seems to sleep most of the morning while I don’t. I wake up early in the morning via sunlight blaring enough to get up and take my pills.

Sometimes I wake up via the cutest cat snuggling me and demanding attention from me. Cutest cat ever is so cute to wake up to in the morning. Makes me smile and be happy when I get to wake up to the baby cute kitten. She’s really cute when she’s friendly in the morning. I love that bundle of fur too much. I love it when she rubs her face onto my glasses and marks my nose too with her furry face including giving me licks. Cute, I love that bundle of fur too much. She’s so cute!

Outing today

I wound up impatient for Mom to arrive. Text emailed her, a message to her cell phone. She ignored me and refused to reply.

Wound up calling Grampa’s house. My Cousin picked up the phone. I thought it was Auntie at first. Turns out she was out in the car in the parking lot. Mom arrived as I was talking with Cousin via phone. I had to cut the phone call short using the excuse of taking a walk to Cousin. She agreed to that and hung up.

Mom and I with Auntie via Auntie’s car went to Cristy’s to eat a late lunch. I ordered French toast. I had chocolate milk to drink.

I wound up with my schizophrenia attacking me while I was there at the restaurant. Wound up reading my bible trying to will myself from anxiety. I was anxious for the food to arrive. Plus anxious involving the people in the restaurant including Auntie sitting next to me in the booth.

The food arrived and I ate fine but I made a mess of the maple syrup. Had to go use the bathroom to wash my hands. Then after that went back to wait for Mom and Auntie to finish eating.

After eating we went to Lourdes an outdoor church shrine for prayers. Mostly Auntie prayed while I didn’t do much praying. Instead I would up with the schizophrenia attacking me with words of paranoia and that familiar question involving forgetting something. It got my paranoia aggravated.

Plus I was sick in the bathroom with number two action involving diarrhea twice. I think something I ate disagreed with me. I’m not entirely sure of that.

After Lourdes I wound up reading my Bible in the car ride to the grocery store where I got groceries. I managed to shake off the paranoia but the voice was still chanting away in my mind. I bought mostly health food and hardly any chocolate or ice cream.

I figured if I want chocolate I’ll walk to CVS tomorrow and buy some then walk home. Also if I want ice cream I’ll walk to Dairy Queen and buy some then walk the food off to home.

Plus the grocery store was out of that chocolate milk I favored. I didn’t feel like buying another brand of chocolate milk. Instead I bought milk that is some kind of special milk. Mostly something I thought would do for my system. Ugh.

After that the food buying I went to the car before my Auntie arrived. Mom stayed in the car sleeping a nap. I wound up putting my food into the car in the back seat. I wound up sitting around waiting for Auntie to arrive that arrived with her groceries. She put her groceries into the trunk.

Then Auntie drove me home with Mom in the car. I wound up hauling all my groceries into my apartment. I put away the groceries and then went onto the computer to type this blog down.

I don’t know what I’m doing tonight other than eating dinner of a banana and some carrots.

I bought some carrots for me to eat. I did buy some diet pizza and macaroni and cheese that are the diet type. I bought them both. I also bought some fruit like apples and two bananas. I bought some drinks like a fruit veggie juice drink including some orange juice with no pulp in it. I also bought some milk. I bought something for snack like cereal bars including one of a cereal and one of fruit flavor inside it.

I bought some hygiene stuff involving toothpaste, toothbrushes and soap. I didn’t buy the large sized package of soap. I bought the small package that had two soap bars in it. I figured I would save some money doing that instead of buying too much stuff and not using it very much.

Anyway baby cute kitten wound up out of hiding and hung around me. Cutie had a cuddle hug onto my leg but went to sit down nearby me. Cute. I petted cute baby kitten but she wasn’t in a petting mood and wandered elsewhere. Poor kitty poor me.

Well Mom had this entire week off from work. I’m not entirely sure of what she’s doing this week besides today’s outing.

I got on Tuesday, Deaf Club meeting. Dad is picking me up at 8am and driving me an hour to the meeting in another town. I’m just going to be reading a book while I’m in the car ride. The meeting is from 9am to noon.

I’m not sure what I’m doing after the meeting. This depends on whether Dad is free to drive me around. Such as grocery shopping or shopping for books at Barnes and Noble. Dad drives by the shopping plaza that holds that bookstore in it.

I asked him via text email “Any chance I could do laundry at your house on Tuesdays after deaf rap?”
Deaf rap is another name for Deaf Club actually.
Dad text emailed me in response “Ask Tuesday.”
In response to my question of doing laundry at his house on Tuesdays after Deaf Club. He doesn’t know if it’s ideal for every Tuesday or not. I figured since he’s driving me around why not do laundry at his house? Plus I get to hang around his four kitties. Especially Tigger who’s mister social.

Also I can sort my junk stored at Dad’s house. Mostly get some of that junk sorted and tossed into the goodwill store. I figured I could sort it while I’m at Dad’s house. Also see about sorting that junk down a bit including using the junk as an excuse to get Mom’s junky stuff out of my apartment. She didn’t pay me for storage this time when I met her. Ugh. I’ll have to in May next month emphasized on twenty dollars for storage into my apartment to Mom. Hmph.

Well I don’t have much planned for tonight or tomorrow.

I figured I’ll fool around onto the computer for awhile. Mostly typing whatever thought comes to my mind. Mostly during breaks while I’m sick in the bathroom. Ugh. I’m feeling like I’m not done with the diarrhea in the bathroom. Having cramps for that.

Hopefully I can eat something decent for dinner. Such as carrots and a banana. Ugh.

Also I’m not entirely sure of what’s making me sick enough to purge my guts out. It sucks.

Plus my stomach is still upset at the moment. Not entirely sure if its something I’ve eaten via my body that is causing me to be sick today. Not entirely sure if the number two action is causing me to have an attack of schizophrenia today. I had an attack before I went in the bathroom at Lourdes. The attack stayed with me into the car ride to the grocery store. I managed to shake off the paranoia feeling while reading my bible. I’m still in Old Testament almost into New Testament. Ugh.

Well I didn’t buy much chocolate or ice cream. Instead I avoided buying either one of them.

I figured I’ll try my best to eat more fruit and vegetables instead of junk food.

I figured I would try to walk to CVS to get chocolate including walking to Dairy Queen for ice cream. I have some money on hand for ice cream. I should use that instead of buying a big box of ice cream from grocery stores and eating too much of that. It’s enough to make me gain weight. Also enough to get sick from the food running through my system. Ugh.

I have to take my pills at 5pm then I have to go eat something decent for dinner. Hopefully I can eat some fruit like bananas. Such as one of the two bananas I bought from stop and shop.

Hopefully I can eat something despite feeling poorly from the bathroom. Number two always leaves me with stomachaches and kills my appetite for foods. Hence I tend to eat small for dinner. Mostly from trying to avoid aggravating my stomach when its time for me to lie down in bed.

I was suffering from an attack of schizophrenia earlier today. I’m not sure if it’s gone away or not. I think the attack might come back and bother me again. Mostly forcing me to bed early as 8pm again. It sucks.

Tried the milk I bought from grocery store. Tasted a bit funny but ok. Its not expired till June according to label stamped on the carton. It’s supposedly made without some acidy ingredient in it. Not sure of that. Oh well.

Anyway I’m in the typing mood so I’m just typing into here till I get fed up. Mostly till I feel like watching TV for awhile.

Just not entirely sure if I should go watch some TV especially HGTV.

I think their marathoning this house flipper business TV show “Flip or Flop” in California for the whole afternoon into 8pm is when they’ll show some house program. Mostly a house program involving bargain houses found at lakes called “Lakefront Bargain Hunt.” I’m not sure if the title is correct. I think that’s the title. Not entirely sure.

Don’t have much inclination to view the TV. I just prefer to type onto the computer my thoughts for awhile.

Wound up watching the TV while eating carrots. I figured the carrots will do as my snack food for awhile. Mostly like eating the carrots. Their tasty stuff and pretty good alternative to junky foods like chocolate. I figured it’s about time I tried at least eat healthy like carrots as my snack food. So I ate the carrots then put them into a plastic bin with a cover on it.

I figured if I go out to lunch with Maureen in her office I can tote the carrots with me. Mostly carrying the plastic bin via lunch bag and avoid junky foods like chocolate bought from CVS.

Also tote the carrots with me to Deaf Club on Tuesday. But this time I aim to leave the carrots in the car in a food bag. Mostly so I can eat them while in the car ride to elsewhere.

Maybe to Dad’s for laundry if he agrees to that request. I’ll have something to eat while I’m at Dad’s house. Dad hardly has food for himself at his house in his refrigerator. Including foods I like to eat while I’m at Dad’s house. Hence I having to bring my own food for eating while there. It sucks.

Dad’s lack of food is from mostly feeds the cats more food than he feeds himself. I think he spoils the cats with food when they beg for some. Willow was begging for food last time I was there at his house one occasion.
She was begging mostly via sitting on the counter and meowing at Dad as in saying “Feed me!”
Dad obeyed to her request and fed her including the other kitties too. Willow ate her food as a result. Tyger and Bogey remained hiding so I left the house. Tigger acted like a snob on the bob and turned his nose at the food. Oh well.

Watching “Flip or Flop” marathon on HGTV while typing onto the computer.

I’m a little stressed out about Mom texting me tonight. I heard nothing from Mom involving that matter when I kissed her goodbye as I hauled my groceries into my apartment. I think she’s not texting me tonight. I’m not sure if she is or not. Hence my stress.

I’m also a bit stressed.

Plus my stomach has been rumbling quite a bit despite I eating those carrots. I keep feeling my stomach or intestinal tract rumbling. I think it’s not done processing number two solid waste through my system.

Mostly processing the food I’m not eating any more. I’m not eating Reese’s peanut butter cups despite craving them as seen on TV. I didn’t buy any including ice cream too. I didn’t buy those ice cream cones that come with peanuts and chocolate sprinkled on top.

I wound up buying mostly health food like those carrots including fruits such as bananas and apples. I’m trying my efforts to eat healthy and only having treats once in awhile.

I bought those carrots because I wanted to eat them for dinner. Mostly eat something healthy for me to avoid aggravating my stomach further despite sick with diarrhea today. I keep getting my intestinal tract rumbling in my body. I’m not entirely sure of what’s going on with me.

Ugh. Must be withdrawing from the junky foods I’ve been eating out of my system. Including the carrots must be doing something to my system to make me feel much better. Sort of something to my system or stomach. Not entirely sure.

Hmph no one is willing to talk to me. I’m in a talkative mood tonight.

I tried to text email Maureen whose online Facebook. I think she’s on her cell phone because she ignored me. Didn’t reply to my text at all. She refuses to get the services involving cell phones for Facebook chat option. Instead prefers to use the computer for chatting. Ugh.

Well Janet was seen online Facebook and she always reads my messages and sometimes replies. I’m not entirely sure of what to say to her. I could tell her about my day but I don’t know. Just don’t feel up to chatting with her very much. Don’t want to rant to her about me being sick with the bathroom number two repeatedly including grumbling intestinal tract. Ugh.

Prefer to rant to Maureen about being sick today. But Maureen isn’t free for a chat. She ignored me while I text emailed her. Ugh.

Just a little depressed with people’s lack of responding to my messages including chatting with me.

I text emailed Dad whining of feeling poorly. He ignored me. He hasn’t replied to my message. Including me telling him I was home from being out. He still ignored me. Ugh.

Well I’m watching “Flip or Flop” on HGTV. I’m skipping the local news for that channel. Don’t feel up to viewing the local news or world news. Mostly filled with gloom and doom including news to hook people into thinking bad things are happening. Ugh. Plus I wanted to avoid making myself feel more depressed so I’m watching HGTV for awhile.

Mostly till I can go to bed lying down and avoiding aggravating my stomach. My intestinal tract is still giving me grief. I feel like I caught Mom’s sickness. She whined on the phone earlier last week of feeling poorly with something involving her intestinal tract. I think I caught her sickness when she came into my apartment and is sick from that. Ugh. Not entirely sure of what to do involving that sickness except hope I can sleep ok tonight into tomorrow morning.

Just have to stay up as late as I can while visiting the bathroom before I get tired enough to crash. I figured I’ll stay up till like 10pm and see if I can sleep for a few hours. I’m not going out tomorrow if I don’t get enough hours of sleep or is sick from this intestinal tract problem.

I might do laundry tomorrow if I feel inclined to get outside for a walk. The weather tomorrow might cause me to stay home burrowing with the TV and avoiding going out for walks. I’m not even sure if there’s going to be sunny weather for tomorrow. I think the weather is going to rain tomorrow. If it rains then I’m staying home and watching talk shows galore on TV including this aggravating program “Love it or List it” on HGTV if there’s a marathon of that TV show.

Mondays is when HGTV marathons “Love it or List It” all damn day into the evening. With a new episode on at 9pm then they change programming to something else at 10pm. mostly marathons that TV series all damn day on Fridays too. But at 10pm they air “House Hunters” programs weekly including on the weekends.

I’m still feeling my intestinal tract acting up. Ugh. I think I caught Mom’s sickness when I kissed her on the cheek in the restaurant. I think she was sick and spread the wealth onto me. It sucks.

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where I have been and books read

Apr. 25th, 2015 | 09:09 am
mood: awakeawake

So Sunday I wound up attacked by the voice all day. I tried to tolerate it by watching TV including reading muse talk. It didn’t go away. Instead I forced myself to go to bed early. Mostly bed around 530pm using the sit up pillow. I didn’t lie down till like 8pm. The voice was still on going with its annoying chanting and scaring me.

I took Sapphris pills three times at different time frames. First at 530pm with the sit up pillow. Second at 8pm when I lied down. Then the third at 945pm when I felt nothing was working involving the chanting.

I had to after my third dosage go to the hospital. The voice was chanting at me to go. It was saying “Text Dad, this isn’t working” over and over till it became a compulsion to do that order. I obeyed despite the voice was compelling me to go. I had to text dad to take me which he agreed.

Dad took me to the emergency room of the hospital. I wound up sleeping overnight in their emergency room set aside for that. I was the only patient there. Also tried to read my bible and some books I had with me. I read mostly my bible while I was there.

Monday I wound up admitted into the seventh floor for help for my care. I was suffering from the voice chanting actually. I wound up given the option of going to the seventh floor which I agreed to be admitted. Ugh.

Anyway I wound up reading ten books while I was there. One was unfinished because I didn’t like the contents of that book. Found it disgusting and only read the beginning and the ending. That was a murder mystery actually. Mostly a book by James Patterson called “1st to die.” I didn’t like it so I gave up reading it entirely.

Wound up finishing “The Warded Man’ by Peter V. Brett. It’s really good enough to check out another book by the same author at the town library yesterday after I got out of the hospital. I checked out book two in the Warded Man series by Peter V. Brett called “The Desert Spear.” Have to figure out when to read that book when I get the chance.

Also started reading Robin Hobb’s “Assassin’s Apprentice” while in the hospital. It’s in first person involving a male main character. I’m just aiming to finish that book. I have managed to read most of that book till I got about two hundred pages to go then I’ll be done. Not entirely sure if I would be willing to read it today or not. Oh well.

Last night I started reading Mia Hamm’s autobiography book “Go for the Goal.” It’s some self help book on her life involving soccer and stuff. I thought it’ll be a good read. I wound up reading two chapters of that book last night. It’s been years since I’ve read that book. I don’t think I’ve read it when I first moved into here.

Also cute baby kitten wound up friendly with me last night into this morning. Guess she missed me terribly. Oh well. I missed her terribly too. I missed her sitting onto my front giving me attention too. I also missed picking her up for hugs too.

While hospitalized I had my own room to myself. Then during the last night there I wound up with a roommate because of another patient coming into the seventh floor as it’s referred. The roommate was tolerant of my reading with the lights on but I made sure I didn’t stay up too long reading a book.

I wound up reading “Learning to Fly” an autobiography by Victoria Beckham I asked Dad to bring from home. I made a huge dent into that book one evening. But around 11pm or around 1115pm I had to quit for bed. So I slept and in the morning finished the book.

Beckham’s book is my third time reading it this year. I think I’ve read it twice so far this year. Not entirely sure if it’s accurate. But I’ll check online Shelfari when I get the chance to do it. I have about ten books to add to there involving reading. I can’t wait to do that.

I wound up starting a journal while I was hospitalized. Dad brought that journal from my home. I asked him for it. I’m still writing into that journal while at home.

That journal is a companion to Demi Lovato’s book. I have to ask the town library for Lovato’s book once I figure out the title. I think the title is “Staying strong.” But I’m not sure. Its on the cover of the journal actually.

I had another journal “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Journal” I was writing in before I got hospitalized. I didn’t remember where I put it so I didn’t ask dad to bring it to the hospital. Wound up setting that book aside to write in later.

Besides dad whined of my unreadable handwriting. So I’ve been trying to write neatly while writing into my journal. Mostly make my handwriting readable for anyone to read. Its when I’m having trouble expressing stuff to the doctor or therapist. So I’ll have them read my journal instead.

I’ve kept communication with the nurses and doctors by using a pad to write comments to them and them to me. I didn’t use a sign language interpreter. I used a pad for communication purposes. It required me to write neatly with handwriting readable.

Dad visited me a few times when it’s appropriate. Meant visiting hours or time for visitors to visit the seventh floor. He and I had a written conversation via pad involving stuff. Hence his complaints of unreadable handwritings.

Mom visited me once. But she gave me her hat a baseball cap that is entirely jeans and blue. Thanks mom. Wound up taking that cap home as a result. Also wore it home.

When I got home Sam came out of hiding and demanded food. Her food bowl was almost empty so I fed her. She wound up being really friendly onto me. Even allowed me to snatch her up for hugs galore. She was tolerant of those hugs. Including demanding attention as in her back scratched. Same for sitting onto my lap too.

It was rather nice chatting with my mom on the phone last night. I wound up once I got home text emailed her. Then around 6pm mom text me. So I wound up on the phone for over an hour.

After I got home I wound up watching the HGTV channel for two hours. Mostly this TV show “Lakefront Bargain Hunt.” I think it’s the title but I’m not sure. Anyway it’s a thirty minute TV show focused onto houses near lakes in the USA for house hunters to find and purchase. Cute show.

Then I watched the local news for almost an hour. Mom text so I wound up on the phone with her till like 730pm. I went back to the HGTV channel and watched my favorite TV show “Fixer Upper” for over an hour. It was airing for two hours from 7pm to 9pm.

Then at 9pm I left the TV on while writing into my journal. I was half paying attention to the TV. I half paid attention to the TV for an hour then at 10pm I quit the TV to read. I read for thirty minutes till like 1030pm is when I quit and slept fine.

Sam got onto my lap during my TV watching at the 9pm hour. She was squirming all over the place. Seems like she couldn’t get comfortable. So she got off and went to the couch to snooze.

Sam visited me in bed last night while I was reading Mia’s book. She wound up rolling around onto my bed. Mostly rolling onto her back and baring her cute tummy. I smiled a bit when she did that. Also ignored her too. Mostly read my book about two chapters worth. Then I crashed.

Don’t have much planned for today. Think I got a nurse’s visit. I missed the visit on Wednesday due to being hospitalized. Didn’t go home till Thursday afternoon.

Could have grocery shopped yesterday but didn’t bother to do it. The voice always aggravates me after I get home from grocery shopping. Mostly driven by dad to stop and shop then home. Always starts chanting when after I buy groceries and get into dad’s car. Its when it starts to aggravate me. When I get home I’m forced to put away groceries then go onto the computer reading muse talk for awhile.

The muse talk reading always helps me avoid hearing anything further from the voice. Hence I reading muse talk galore for awhile. The reading has helped me a few times to get the voice to stop chanting. Including getting my paranoia of no privacy to go away.

Hmph have to go shower and make myself presentable. Ugh. Also do some chores around here too.

It sucks when I haven’t been home for awhile. Hence I have to clean this apartment the best I can. Mostly vacuuming and garbage tossing out too. Also cleaning the bathroom. Including doing laundry for my clothes.

I wasn’t able to do laundry while at the hospital so I took my clothes home. I figured I’ll do that chore at home instead of at the hospital. Just hope I have enough quarters for one load of wash and one load of drying. Just hope all my clothes fit into one washer. I don’t want to do two washing loads. I did that last time and didn’t like it. Felt like I was hogging the machines too much. I like to be generous and use one washer and one dryer instead.

Showered and text emailed mom. Now I have to wait forever for Mom to bother to reply to my text email. I think she’s sleeping late again. Might be still in bed asleep. She whined of feeling poorly yesterday on the phone. She was complaining of her intestinal tract bothering her. Ugh poor Momsy.

I’m also chatting with Maureen online my cell phone. Don’t want to use the internet unless mom text emails me that she’s gone to work. Or mom text emails me to call her via landline phone.

I’ve read about ten books while I was hospitalized.

One was unfinished. Its “1st to die” by James Patterson. The chapters were really short. I didn’t like the book very much. I tried to read it a murder mystery at first. The book turned out disturbing involving a couple murdered by a person enjoying it. It sucked and bothered me. So I wound up skipping ahead and read about a few chapters in the ending. It’s a rather weird book.

Don’t think I’ll read anything of James Patterson again involving his adult books. I think I’ll read his teens series like “Maximum Ride” series. I kind of like that series. I also know he came out with “Witch and Wizard” series. I aim to read that when I can get the chance from the town library.

I’ve managed to read and finish “The Warded Man” by Peter V. Brett. It’s a really good book. I managed to enjoy the book enough to rate it five stars out of five. I aim to get that book listed online Shelfari where I’m known as Nikolina.

I managed to read seven books that belonged to the hospital’s eating room. One book was an anthology involving four books. The four books are listed separately in my journal. I’m not listing those books together as one book on Shelfari. I’m listing them as separate four books period.

Anyway I read in the four book story “Circle of Friends” by Maeve Binchy, “Magic Hour” by Susan Isaacs, “Jurassic Park” by Michael Crichton and “Forgiving” by Lavyrl Spencer.

One nurse commented that “Circle of Friends” had a movie out that was really good. I asked town library for that movie. Just have to wait for inter library loan. Anyway rated Binchy’s book three stars out of five stars. I sort of liked the book but the story isn’t the type for me to read again. So I’m not keen on that.

“Magic Hour” by Susan Isaacs was in first person. Its language put me off at first when I read the first page of that story. It was first person in a male’s point of view including vulgarity too. I didn’t like the story at first. I forced myself to read the entire story. Mostly because I didn’t have anything to read at the time. I finished another book and was waiting for my Dad to come another day to bring books to read for me. I rate the story two stars out of five.

“Jurassic Park” by Michael Crichton I kind of liked that story. Its really interesting. I’ve read that book once years ago. I haven’t read that book in awhile. So I rate it four stars out of five stars. I really liked that story. I also might read more of Crichton’s work involving the book if I can find anything involving it at the town library. Have to research online Shelfari for that.

“Forgiving” by Lavyrl Spencer was an interesting story. Seems like a romance but didn’t have much of the sexual themes in it involving romances. It seemed to have something else. The story was also a western themed in the early nineteen century 1800s. Mostly when the USA was being discovered with towns forming in the western part of the USA. Its rather interesting book. I rate it three stars out of five. Just not sure if that story was impressive. The story didn’t make me want to finish it in one sitting. Since I was hospitalized and bored I forced myself to read more of that story till I finished the entire book.

I read other books at the hospital. One was “Love Inspired: Finding Home” by Irene Hannon. “Family Affair” by Debbie Macomber and “Love at first sight” by Lori Wilde. They were books the hospital owned.

I saw a Nora Roberts’ book there but didn’t read it. Roberts’ book involved a royal family from the looks of it. I think I’ve read that book before. Not entirely sure if I have a copy of it. I’ll have to check my bookcase and bug town library for it.

Anyway “Love Inspired: Finding Home” was pretty good. I rate it five out of five stars. It’s a really good book. That book was something that helped cheered me up from being depressed while hospitalized. I enjoyed it.

“Family Affair” by Debbie Macomber was the first book I’ve read by this author before. I don’t remember reading anything by Macomber. I liked that book but I don’t remember much involving it. I rate it three stars out of five. I don’t remember much of the story at the moment. Perhaps later I’ll remember.

“Love at First Sight” by Lori Wilde I remember some of that book. I don’t remember much of it. I think I got books mixed up. Anyway I rate that book three stars out of five.

I’ve read three of my own books while I was hospitalized. Their “The Warded Man” by Peter V. Brett, “Assassin’s Apprentice” by Robin Hobb which is unfinished and “Learning to Fly” by Victoria Beckham.

“Assassin’s Apprentice” by Robin Hobb started out as first person of a male main character writing his story onto a paper with pen. Not entirely sure of what to make of that. Also I’m like two hundred pages away from finishing that book. Just have to get around to finishing it.

“Learning to Fly” by Victoria Beckham is an already read book I’ve thought of while hospitalized. I asked Dad during a visit to pick up that book for me to read. I wound up reading almost that entire book one day I stayed in my room. I only quit around two or three chapters left going to bed. It was like 1115pm when I quit. Plus my roommate was asleep. I managed to finish that book the next day.

As for Beckham’s book I’m never tired of it. I find I like to read that book over and over. Not in one sitting back to back. Mostly from time to time once in awhile is when I would be willing to read that book again. Not entirely sure of how many times I’ve read that book this year. I’ll have to consult Shelfari. I always rate it five stars out of five stars and favor that book online there.

After I finished Victoria Beckham’s book I wound up thinking of her husband David Beckham’s autobiography book. I didn’t start reading that book yet. Been meaning to read it but haven’t bothered to do that yet.

I figured once I have finished some books I’ll reward myself with reading David Beckham’s book. Just don’t want to read too many at the same time and stress myself out. I prefer to read one or two at a time instead. Just do.

I’m just waiting to finish Mia Hamm’s book “Go for the Goal” first before I start any new books. Been thinking of “Go for the Goal” for awhile. I figured since I’ve been thinking of it I might as well read that book before bed. So far that book is pretty good to my standards. It was hard to tear myself from reading it last night. Also its in hardcover and a first edition. Might be worth some money online but isn’t signed.

I think I’ll keep some books on hand till I’m sure I can donate them to Maureen to donate to the children’s hospital. I like to donate books to them. Mostly positive books including books on famous people suffering medical problems.

I donated “The Game and Glory” by Michelle Akers. She’s a soccer star suffering from a medical problem that played for the USA. I tried that book after awhile of not reading it. Didn’t like it very much so I gave up and donated that book to Maureen to donate to children’s hospital.

Have some books on hand I haven’t read in years. I have to see about reading those books. Including Frank Herbert’s Dune series. I’ve been meaning to read the series again when I can. I think I only read it once but not entirely sure of that. I have kept the Dune books all paperbacks from Barnes and Noble I bought when working there one day. I used my employee discount to buy the books. Bought with a check. I didn’t have a card back then. Still don’t have a card now. Gave it up.

I have read “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy but not “The Hobbit.” I’ve been meaning to read that book but haven’t bothered. I have multiple copies of that book on hand. I’m not sure what’s keeping me from reading “The Hobbit.” I already read Rings’ trilogy and found the books depressing. Not very positive and well worth of reading again or bothering to keep the books as favored.

I think most of my books I have kept on hand are autobiography books by athletes I favor. Including autobiography books on famous people I favor. Mostly singers including singers that are a part of a band. I think I have favored the Spice Girls’ books into my bookshelf. Victoria Beckham’s book is one favored book that I have two copies of it.

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Books, books galore

Apr. 18th, 2015 | 04:45 pm
mood: reading

Went to Massachusetts on Wednesday. I wound up spotting this bookstore "Bookloft Your independent community bookstore since 1974." Its in Great Barrington, Massachusetts. Same plaza as Kmart. It was a books store and attracted my eye. i was willing to get into there.

My mom and aunt with me insisted onto going to Kmart first. i went to there with them and settled onto buying a cute watch key chain of a cat in pink. So after Kmart shopping I went into that bookstore.

had too many choices to pick as what book I wanted. I didn't see anything involving the romance genre. i saw tons of books but wasn't sure which one I should pick.

So I settled onto the science fiction fantasy genre in the bookstore. Found a bookcase holding books that appeared to be new and in good condition.

I saw one book was a "Staff Pick." It's "The Warded Man." By Peter V. Brett. I figured it'll make a good buy so I bought that along with another book "Assassin's Apprentice" by Robin Hobb.

The cashier at Cvs day I went to get my pills refilled on Thursday saw me holding "The Warded Man." She commented that it was a good book. I think she read that book and found it good. So I'm going to take her advice and try to read more of that book when I get the chance.

When it came to buying the two books at Bookloft I didn't have an enough money in my wallet to buy the two paperbacks by Brett and Hobb both. I was willing to use a check to pay for the difference I didn't have. the saleslady was kind enough to let me buy the books about sixty something cents off the price. It was rather nice of her.

Then after that i wound up finishing Ekaterina Gordeeva's autobiography "My Sergei." Nice book. I rated it five stars out of five stars. I even favored that book. its really a good book according to my opinion. But I lent the book to my mom. I warned her I didn't want her to toss it out once done. i even told her that I put my name on it. I don't want to wound up going to eBay and buying another copy. It's out of print I think.

Speaking of my mom she's once she's done with books throws them out into the dumpster instead of donating them to the goodwill stores in her town. She confessed that she threw out an autographed to me book I lent her. I wasn't pleased about it.

The book was "The Lost Daughter." by Lucy Ferriss. I met the author at Barnes and Noble in the Shoppes of Farmington. Even snapped some cell phone photos of her. She was a rather nice lady. Agreed to autographed that book to me. All I have to show involving that author is cell phone photos of her and following her on Twitter.

I have via eBay managed to collect some books that are autographed. Most are autobiographies of athletes.

Such as Dominique Moceanu a gymnast that competed for the USA and won gold in 1996 Olympics. Its her autobiography book on her life currently. i also have autographed books of Kerri Strug that competed for the USA with Moceanu and also won gold in the same Olympics. One is a children's picture book while the other is an autobiography book.

I managed to purchase off eBay a book autographed by Shawn Johnson another gymnast who competed for the USA and competed in 2008 Olympics. Shawn Johnson's book and autograph makes me think she didn't autographed it. I think someone else is trying to sell that book with a fake autograph on it. It didn't included her last name very well. It only had her first name and part of her last name. Not the whole last name. Not entirely sure of what to make of that.

I have another book by a gymnast that is autographed. Its by Nadia Commaneci. I'm not entirely sure if she really autographed that book or not. Its her autobiography book I ordered off the internet with instructions to have it signed and autographed. It came in the mail and made me think someone else autographed the book. The autograph inside the book isn't that good to my standards. Oh well. Either that or the author wrote that fast to mail that book off.

I'm currently using as a journal this book "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Journal." Its a book for teens to fill out on their life with questions and comments suggested inside. I'm not following what that book suggested. Instead I'm just using it as a journal to write whatever I wanted to write. Mostly on my life and what I feel like writing down.

I have an autographed book from author Yasmine Galenorn I won in a contest. i read that book and found it pretty good. I don't mind the books' contents despite being a fiction book.

I'll have to ask the town library for more books by Yasmine. Maybe more on her series she autographed to me I won in that contest. I figured I'll wait till Tuesday to ask town library for that request.

I have another autographed book by an author I met too but I didn't take pictures of her. the autographed book was an anthology involving cup for comfort for women. I met the author in a tea shop and bought that book which she autographed for me.

I haven't lent very many autographed books to my Mom yet. i don't think I would. she would toss that out like any other books she's been reading lately. Yuck. She's refusing to use the thrift shop or goodwill for tossing books she doesn't want. She's been using the dumpster as her dumping ground where she lives. it sucks.

Also managed to collect the Hardcover versions of the Twilight Saga series by Stephenie Meyer. I have the electronic versions of them. I don't mind having two versions of those books. I like to read paper books sometimes including electronic forms when the mood hits me.

i had to use a used second hand bookstore online for the Twilight Saga collection to be bought. I meant using Barnes and Noble's website and finding a used bookstore for those books to collect. I managed to save money doing that.

I have set aside in a bookcase some books I favor that I read over and over. I don't normally read them over and over. But I normally favor those books due to their contents. Those books are mostly autobiographies by people I favor.

Such as the Spice Girls a pop music band from Great Britain. I have four books by the girls of that pop group.

One is "Learning to Fly" by Victoria Beckham I kinda like and favor too much. i managed to read that book twice this year. I even have two copies of that book in paperback format and not electronic form. I'm trying to find the electronic form of that book for my collection for my e-reader.

I have another autobiography by another Spice Girl "Catch a Fire" by Mel B. Its rather an interesting book and I kinda like it enough to keep the book into my bookcase. i have managed to read it twice so far but that was last year. I haven't read that book this year. i meant to but haven't bothered.

The other two books are autobiographies by Geri Halliwell. One is "If Only" an autobiography on her life. I haven't read that book in awhile. Not sure when I'll get around to it. The other book is something called "Just for the Record" involving fan fiction with her handwriting into it. Not sure what to make of that book.

I have in that bookcase is books by J.K. Rowling involving the Harry Potter series. Their all in hardcover. I used a second hand bookstore to find the hardcovers of the series. I managed to collect all seven books of that series.

I've been meaning to read the Harry Potter series again. I only read the last book twice. First as a hardcover and then second as a paperback. I got the paperback from the town library. they were selling it so I bought it for a dollar and read that book.

My friend Maureen commented when she saw me reading the paperback version of the last book "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" that I would need to read the series again all over. I'm considering that idea when I get the chance.

I have in that bookcase of books I favor about ten books by the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. I kinda like the Soul books. I've depended onto reading them galore when I was first suffering from my schizophrenia. They were a big help when I was suffering from depression while attending college in a rented room and not at my home out of town.

I find that my reading voice when I read books drowned out the schizophrenia's voice. i even found myself losing my problems by reading a book. Including cheered up by the contents. Hence I reading those Soul books galore when I was suffering without any medicinal help the first time I was diagnosed with my mental health issues.

I have managed in my bedroom to cut down the amount of books I've collected and kept on hand. My friend said they were collecting dust and aggravating me including poor cute baby kitten. I had to cut down the amount of books.

mostly gave the rejected books to the goodwill store in Torrington. I didn't mind doing that. Some of those books I donated wound up donated to the Winsted Town Library. Means I donated books to the town library instead of via goodwill store. I like doing that donation to Goodwill store for books but I prefer the town library instead.

I prefer to keep the town library in operation money wise. its when it comes to purchasing books I want to read including inter library loans. I'm trying to depend onto the Winsted's town library for books to read.

The town library is pretty good on getting me books I want to read and see if I should add to my collection of books I have at home. Mom has been telling me to check out books from town library first. Read them then if I like them buy a copy for collection at home. I'm trying to take her advice on that.

This month out is a book I'm dying to read "Its not about perfect" an autobiography by Shannon Miller a gymnast who competed for the USA in 1996 Olympics with Strug and Moceanu. I'm curious to what that book is about. I saw via previews that book is about her life suffering medical injuries and competing for the USA as a gymnast. the book is supposedly includes stuff of her having cancer and having a miracle baby girl after that happened. Not entirely sure if that preview is accurate but I'll see. Hence I asking town library for a copy.

well not entirely sure of what book I'm to read. i managed to read a bit of "The Warded Man." Its caught my eye but not the type of book worthy of making it hard to put down. I'm determined to read that book entirely.

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